03/03/2024
You may - or may not - have noticed that I’ve been off social media over the past couple years..
Crickets.
There’s been so much going on both professionally and personally since covid began, and in looking back, I see I’ve been in survival mode.
Although I spend my days helping others process their thoughts and emotions, being in a state of survival means that I haven’t been fully processing my life for myself. I’ve written posts many years ago that diagnose this lack of processing as lack of self-care.
There are times when I’m aware I’m being the “shoemaker with no shoes.’
Because how can you properly care for yourself if you’re powering through life, keeping others from falling off the ledge, looking all competent on the outside, but no one really knows what’s going on for you inside?
I can’t tell you how many times during a day of sessions that I say:
“Happiness is an inside job”
“Self-care is a necessity, not a luxury”
“Conceptualize intimacy as INTO ME SEE”
Into Me See. Know thyself. An unexamined life is not worth living.
And this is all true. Giving your power for happiness over to anyone other than yourself is a recipe for codependency.
But being an emotional island is the other extreme of the spectrum.. and so also not balanced.
Many people (especially women) worry that self-care and prioritizing themselves will look selfish. But just like the metaphor of the oxygen mask… you can only give to others from a full breath.
We psychologists are trained to only use self-disclosure (if ever!) for the sake of building rapport with your client. The therapy session is about the client sitting in front of you after all. It’s never about you, the therapist.
This “non-disclosure” is actually easy for me!
Focus on others and their beautiful human complexity? Love it!
My human complexity and my vulnerabilities? Hide that or only minimally disclose to build rapport and help others!
I’ve learned to keep things to myself since I was a little girl when I was told by others that I’m “too much,” “not enough,” not pretty enough, not thin enough, too demanding, think I know too much, too passionate, too intense, not nice enough, too challenging, not emotionally soft enough, too direct, too extreme… the list goes on.
This month (3/24) marks a one-year milestone for a whirlwind journey (which means LOTS of lessons learned) which began in 2018 when I created the concept for Zen Mind Space.
Here I am working in my new office space that I purchased and remodeled after decades of leasing from others. This space is not the most beautiful space I’ve ever created, but it’s mine and represents the beginning of true self-care, which is not only getting mani/pedis or buying Chanel (although that tip-of-the-iceberg of self-care is amazing!).
I met with my incredible new business development mentor, Kellie, yesterday, and we were discussing my next offering of courses that focuses on self-care in a fresh and evolved way (more on that soon!). We were talking about my authentic voice and whether or not anyone other than my immediate circle truly knows me.
I said no… no, they do not.
It struck me in that moment that my knowing oneself from an internal perspective is only half of the process, and that true self-care also includes sharing yourself and your gifts with others. I also realized during that conversation that all the many ways that I’ve discovered along the way to practice self-love and self-care is a very important gift, also to be shared in the new offering.
“Into me see” means allowing others to see into you as well. Through the emotional intimacy exchange, a healing feedback loop results.
So here’s my commitment to myself - and indirectly to all of you - to begin the intentional process of sharing myself, my gifts, and my own beautiful human complexity with you.
Stay tuned.
