Living Resilient Counseling

02/28/2026

ℹ️🌿 WHAT IT TAKES TO TRUST OTHERS… |

Trusting our own heart and mind and others is definitely a skill we have to acquire in order to thrive. Being our most authentic selves, marching to the beat of our own drum, and charting a course that aligns with our own values all rely on trust.

Yet, for many, the journey to trust can be hindered by past experiences of abuse, which often sow seeds of self-doubt. However, overcoming these challenges is not just possible but essential for reclaiming one’s narrative and identity.

Link to the article in the comments⬇️

02/28/2026

ℹ️🌿 “WAS IT EVEN ABUSE?” UNPACKING PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE |

A psychological abuser’s goal is to utilize mental tantalization to break a victim’s psyche down over time, make her appear crazy, and isolate her from mutual connections without leaving a trail of evidence. After you’re discarded from a relationship with one of these personalities, the abuser will spit seething venom at you, disempowering you and removing your humanity and self-worth.

They don’t care who you were before, during, or after your relationship with them, as they utilize hot and cold behavior to make you question your reality. You’re not a human being; you’re a commodity to be exploited in their game of life.

Link to the article in the comments⬇️

02/26/2026

When your child hits, shouts, or lashes out… it’s easy to see defiance.

But what if it’s actually defence?

In the primary years, the fight response isn’t a choice. It’s a brain on high alert, reacting to a perceived threat. Their body floods with energy, their thinking brain goes offline, and survival takes over.

It can look like anger.
It can feel like aggression.
But underneath, it’s a child who doesn’t feel safe.

This is their voice… from the inside of the fight response.

Because when we understand what’s really happening, we stop asking, “How do I stop this behaviour?”
And start asking, “What does my child need right now?”

Girl version will also be posted.

For further support - our Managing Big Feelings Toolkit for Parents and Educators - link in comments.

02/24/2026

What it is:
Change the Default is a decision tool that helps you interrupt autopilot patterns by questioning what you're doing simply because it's already in motion. Humans have a strong tendency to stick with preset options, habitual patterns, and whatever path is already underway, even when better alternatives exist. This tool asks you to identify what you're doing by default, then ask: "If this weren't already in place, would I choose it today?"

Why it works:
We treat defaults, both institutional and personal, as if they're neutral or endorsed, when really they're just what happened to be set up first. Your brain conserves effort by avoiding the work of re-evaluating, and loss aversion makes change feel risky even when the current state isn't serving you. Over time, choices you made once become patterns you never consciously re-chose.

How to practice it:
Notice a pattern in your life: how you start your mornings, how quickly you say yes to requests, what you do when stressed, how you structure your evenings. Then ask: "If this weren't already my habit, would I design it this way?" If the answer is no, make one small adjustment. You're not fixing everything. You're just disrupting one default that's running on autopilot.

When to use it:
Perfect for when you feel trapped in routines that drain you, when you're saying yes out of habit rather than choice, when you're stuck in patterns inherited from someone else's expectations, or when you catch yourself thinking "this is just how I am."

Pro tip:
Personal defaults include how you speak to yourself, how late you stay up, how you respond to criticism, and how you spend your weekends. These stop feeling like choices over time. They're not.

02/24/2026

Understanding Alexithymia

Most of us, given some time and thought, can label our feelings and emotions. Some people have a condition called "Alexithymia"—a term derived from Greek that literally translates to "No words for emotions."

Rather than a lack of feeling, it is a difficulty in processing them. These people struggle to find the words to bridge the gap between the body (feelings) and the mind (thoughts).
Emotions often feel overwhelming.

Why Emotional Literacy Matters

We need to be able to convey our emotions accurately in order to enhance communication and develop our relationships. Learning to understand our thoughts, feelings and emotions is a way of developing our emotional literacy. It takes work—just as literacy and numeracy takes work. Developing our emotional literacy is crucial to developing a stronger sense of self and improving our relationships with those around us.

How Do We Improve?

To begin with, check in with yourself on a regular basis. How are you feeling right now? Can you be specific? What words best describe your mood? You could use an emotion wheel as a guide to begin with.
Taking this a step further, we can practice noticing the changes in our bodies during the day. Are we feeling tired? Irritated? Angry? It's really useful to try to name the feelings and emotions as they arise.

In order to do this effectively, it's useful to take a moment to think before reacting. Think—"How am I feeling? What name do I need to give to this feeling? Is my action going to be in line with this feeling?" Knowing why we feel the way we do will help us to gain more agency over our actions and behaviours.

Many people find journalling is a helpful way of developing their emotional literacy. To reflect back on our day and consider the range of feelings and emotions we have experienced is a very useful tool. You might be very surprised as to the range of feelings you've had! It also helps us to identify situations that might trigger certain responses from us, thereby helping us to recognise potential hotspots in the future!

Practice Makes Progress

Emotional literacy is something that is learned. Just like learning to play the piano, we get better at it the more time and effort we put into it. Developing our ability to name our feelings and emotions will help us with our own self-awareness and enable us to connect with our friends and families in a more authentic, congruent way.

Mark McDermott is a UK-based therapist with a master's degree in relationship counselling. He works with young people, adults, couples and families and has a special interest in both neurodivergent and LGBTQ clients. As a former teacher, he recognises that the formation of good relationships are key to successful therapeutic interactions. Contact Mark through his Psychology Today Page.

02/24/2026

02/21/2026

A child’s emotional world is closely tied to their gut. The digestive system produces most of the body’s serotonin, the chemical that helps regulate mood, sleep, and emotional balance. When the gut feels supported, the mind follows with steadier reactions and clearer focus.

Many children today eat diets filled with ultra-processed foods. These meals can affect the gut’s natural rhythm, making it harder to maintain balance. When the gut struggles, mood swings, irritability, and low energy can appear. These reactions often look like behavior issues, but they begin deep inside the body.

Healthy gut function depends on fiber, whole foods, and consistent nourishment. These foods feed beneficial gut bacteria that help create stable emotional patterns. When the digestive system receives steady support, children feel calmer, more resilient, and more able to handle daily stress.

Parents may notice quick changes when shifting routines. More fruits, vegetables, and simple meals often bring steadier moods and better sleep. These shifts are not about perfection. They are about strengthening the connection between the gut and the brain, giving children what their bodies naturally need.

Food becomes more than nutrition. It becomes a foundation for emotional stability. When parents understand this connection, they gain a powerful tool for supporting their child’s growth from the inside out.

02/17/2026

The teenage years can feel confusing for both young people and the adults who love them. If your teen seems bigger in emotions, later to sleep, or drawn to risk and independence, you’re not doing anything wrong — you’re seeing a brain in development.

This stage is not about pushing you away, it’s about growing up. Your steady presence, calm boundaries, and understanding of what’s happening beneath the behaviour matter more than ever.

Save this as a reminder that development is not defiance — it’s growth in progress.

02/17/2026

We have a few more openings for our Family Nurture Night in Niceville this Sunday! Register Here: https://www.thepearlproject.org/northwestflorida

02/17/2026

Following today’s series on the five Protective Responses, I wanted to share an additional reflection — one that comes from over 30 years of working in schools and supporting children through dysregulation.

Sometimes, when a child’s flight response is activated and they’re prevented from escaping — being stopped, cornered, or told to stay put — the nervous system shifts into fight.
Not from aggression, but from fear.
When the way out is blocked, the body switches from “I need to get safe” to “I have to defend myself.”

Over the years, I’ve advised schools to create safe spaces to run to, rather than restraining or blocking a child in distress.
A pre-agreed, calm space — where adults know where the child is and can offer quiet supervision — allows the nervous system to regulate before re-engagement.

This can be supported through a simple social story (depending on age and understanding), helping the child know when, how, and where they can take space safely.
When safety is predictable, the need to fight often disappears.

You can also explore our Timeline of a Meltdown visual to understand how these protective responses unfold in real time — printer-friendly A4 portrait and landscape versions available via Linktree Shop in Bio ⬇️

02/17/2026

ℹ️🌿 DOMESTIC ABUSE |
***TRIGGER WARNING***
Domestic abuse is as much about psychological and emotional warfare as it is about physical abuse. It starts long before a hand is raised and the subtle signs begin. Violence isn't the only weapon. Control is the slow poison that uses fear, money, and manipulation to keep you trapped.

Victims do not remain from weakness. Instead, they fall into a web of emotional manipulation, financial pitfalls, and shattered self-worth.

Abusers weave these traps, making escape feel impossible. Soon, your home becomes a battlefield of constant hyper-vigilance. Victims often blame themselves, mistaking staying for weakness. In reality, it is a survival response to complex control.

Breaking free begins with a single realization: all the history and the abuse are not your fault. By reaching out to hotlines, finding therapy, and reclaiming your worth, you begin the journey from victim to survivor. You are not defined by the cage that you were trapped in, but by your courage to leave it behind. The path forward begins with identifying the facts and reaching for a safety net.



Photo: https://unsplash.com/pt-br/