09/27/2025
I am always prepared for families to ask me how much time their loved one has, especially when it’s been a few days and everyone has been gathered around the bed waiting. The unknown is hard. Waiting is hard.
When I first started this work, I used to try to give a specific timeframe, but what I have learned is that death is deeply unpredictable, even when we know it’s coming. Giving a set time can unintentionally create expectations that may not align with reality, and that can lead to even more heartache. Instead, I try to help families understand that while it could be today, it could also be several days.
The body knows what to do, and we have to trust that process. Sometimes a strong heart takes time to let go. I also think that deep emotional ties may be why someone takes their time. Saying goodbye to you is hard, but they are not just leaving you, they are also saying goodbye to their own life, their memories, their story… this too takes time.
Because we can’t predict the moment, I gently suggest to families to live as if it could happen today. Say the things you need to say. Speak your “I love yous” and your goodbyes. If you are given another day, see it as a gift, a little more time to be present, a bonus day.
Ultimately, the timing of death is not in our hands. It is not about us, it is about them. All we can do is witness, hold space, and trust that when it’s time, their body, and their spirit, will know what to do.
xo
Gabby
www.thehospiceheart.net