Peaceful soul counseling

11/10/2025

“If we are going to find our way back to each other, vulnerability is going to be that path.”

05/31/2025

Most of us are familiar with the experience of “skin hunger,” whether we were even aware it had a name. It's a deep longing and aching desire for physical contact with another person. Touch is considered the first sense we acquire and our skin is our largest sensory organ.

The almost universal desire to wrap tiny babies in embraces is an example of how we all long to be close to one another. Hugs lessen skin hunger, increasing the production of oxytocin in humans; a hormone that has been found to positively influence our bonding and nurturing behaviours while lessening fatigue, increasing dispositional gratitude, and steadying physical functioning.

The inherited interplay between skin-on-skin touch and the psyche was published in a study investigating affectionate behaviour. The research, published in Communication Monographs by University of Arizona professor Kory Floyd, found in particular that genetics play a strong role in women's skin hunger, but not at all for men.

Findings show that for women, affection is driven 45% by hereditary factors and 55% from their environment, such as personal experience and the media. However, men seem to rely solely on their environment — a surprising finding.
Professor Floyd, who studies how affection impacts stress and physiological functioning, says that the impetus of the study was recognising that some people are more affectionate than others. He wondered what accounts for that variation, and whether any part of that variation was genetic. His team used twin relationships as the basis for their study, which asked people to measure their personal levels of affectionate needs and behaviours. Because the 464 pairs of participating twins were raised in the same household, researchers can count on their environment having been the same, thus revealing their genetic differences.

Identical twin pairs of women were found to score more similarly compared to fraternal twin women. This indicates that their shared DNA was a contributing factor in how they express affection. The researchers could not conclude the reason why men do not show the same variability between genetics and environment as women.

Floyd writes, “When we measure people’s tendency to be affectionate and to receive affection from other people, almost without exception we find that women score higher than men. The trait of being affectionate may be more adaptive for women in an evolutionary sense. There is some speculation that affectionate behaviour is more health supportive for women than it is for men, and that it helps women to manage the effects of stress more than it does for men. That may be partly why women are more likely than men to inherit the tendency to behave that way rather than that tendency simply being a product of their environment.”

So whether it's in your DNA or your day-to-day, don’t underestimate the power of a hug. Because sometimes, the best thing you can be is a little more touchable.

✨ To read more about how physical play leads to brain development in your child, check out our blog here: https://neuro.now/lived_experience/physical-play-brain-development/

References:
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/03637751.2020.1760327?fbclid=IwY2xjawG5ktBleHRuA2FlbQIxMAABHa8heXlLuYesQqgPlNp4sKw5L5sN02HBkX9YlPFLviOtEsVOxtjjfa02qA_aem_Pqefsij6hqh4AY4n8dncFA

https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2013-05104-001?fbclid=IwY2xjawG5kwBleHRuA2FlbQIxMAABHR7yrp_ZgC9-8a-phRgTeY5XzhLyCEMFk7bm1zNZOZQc_g3hhYaiKDUPdA_aem_WHvMqhara357W6CSOpK49w

https://cyticlinics.com/understanding-the-mental-health-implications-of-craving-physical-touch/ #:~:text=The%20mental%20health%20implications%20of%20craving%20physical%20touch%20extend%20far,increased%20anxiety%20and%20sleep%20disturbances.

01/26/2025

Yup. Practice makes progress!!!

09/28/2024

This is one reason why we have chronic dis-ease in our world… our bodies take it all. And the body does not let us forget when it is too much.

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/WbWvyJG4xXqQ4qWR/?mibextid=09Vj1W

08/19/2024

Artwork by … love these reminders every month!

06/28/2024

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C7PsuNuIYXh/?igsh=MWYxdGFzZTF2N3gyag==

05/30/2024

Found this to be a great way to understand how our thinking works from the perspective of science and biology.

Anna Lembke, MD, is professor of psychiatry at Stanford University School of Medicine and chief of the Stanford Addiction Medicine Dual Diagnosis Clinic. A c...

05/25/2024

https://youtu.be/fbuN0uvHmW4?si=0m_gRwSAlGjPXFYS

Wayne Walter Dyer (May 10, 1940 – August 29, 2015) was an American self-help author and a motivational speaker. Dyer completed a Ed.D. in guidance and counse...

01/04/2024

What is a Schematic play?

Schematic play is repeated behaviour that allows children to and their through their thoughts and ideas. As an adult, you can learn about your children’s interests by observing their play. By stepping back and watching, you may notice how apparent some of these schemas are. Some children clearly display schematic play; however, it may be more difficult to recognise the schemas other children are exploring.

Eight Common Play Schemas:
💫Connecting💫
Child connecting legos together
Children exploring this schema may show an interest in joining things together or tying things up, e.g. connecting train track pieces or Lego. They may enjoy binding things together, like ribbons, wool, string and tape. The ‘connecting’ schema can also lead to disconnecting, e.g. taking or pulling things apart.

How to support this schema:
Offer your children different construction toys, e.g. Duplo, Stickle Bricks and Lego, or try out creative activities with glue or masking tape with materials that can either be bound or glued/taped together, e.g. string, wool, ribbon and strips of paper or fabric.

💫Enclosing💫
Child enclosed in pillow fort
Children show an interest in creating enclosed spaces for themselves or placing objects; they have an interest in ordering and organising things and spaces.

How to support this schema:
If children are seeking to enclose themselves, hunt out some large cardboard boxes, which they can climb into or use to make tents and dens. If they enjoy enclosing objects, you could provide them with pots, containers and interesting objects to put inside.

💫Enveloping💫
Child covering with blanket
Children may be interested in enveloping themselves, objects or space, e.g. wrapping themselves in blankets or curtains! They may enjoy making parcels and putting everyday objects inside.

How to support this schema:
Provide blankets and fabrics so your children can wrap themselves, their teddies or toys. If they enjoy enveloping objects, they may like to use old envelopes or make parcels out of yesterday’s newspaper.

💫Orientation💫
Child staring through binoculars
This schema can be related to children who like to see the world from different angles – you may find these children spend a lot of time upside-down, looking through their legs, or turning toys and objects around to look at them from different angles.

How to support this schema:
You could try providing mirrors, magnifying glasses and binoculars. Or support your children on a climbing frame while they hang upside-down!

💫Positioning💫
Child using peg board
Children exploring this schema may put objects in lines, sequences and patterns, and will carefully position them. They may enjoy working with small objects, which have a number of pieces.

How to support this schema:
Offer your children multiples of the same type of object, e.g. coloured blocks or trains. Children may have a lot of fun creating patterns with peg board games, or simply provide them with a big box of different objects for them to select and sort.

💫Rotation💫
Spinning top toy
Children exploring this schema are interested in things that rotate or that are circular, e.g. objects with wheels and spinning tops. You may find they are fascinated by your washing machine!

How to support this schema:
Provide your children with toys on wheels or objects that spin. They may also enjoy playing with a water wheel in the bath or trying out activities that involve mixing and stirring.

💫Trajectory💫
Child playing on swing
This is perhaps the most common schema. Children are interested in how they and things move. The most familiar trajectory is repeatedly dropping things from the highchair! They may also love throwing things, running around, or playing with running water.

How to support this schema:
Provide your children with lots of opportunities for outdoor play, let them loose on the swings and slides at your local park, give them softballs to throw and opportunities to pour water.

💫Transporting💫
Child shows picked strawberries
You may observe your children repeatedly moving things from one place to another, either with their hands, or by using something to contain the object, e.g. a trolley, bag, or doll’s buggy.

How to support this schema:
Provide your children with modes of transport for their objects, e.g. a selection of bags or boxes, as well as items to transport, e.g. pine cones, shells, or other objects you may have collected together on a nature walk.

Final thoughts on play schematas:
You may despair when your children drop something from their highchair for the hundredth time, or when you find that your things have moved from where you last put them. Celebrate their actions, instead! Schemas are a natural part of children’s play and development and help explain why some children show such persistence and determination to do things in a certain way. By spotting and encouraging patterns in your children’s play, and by offering them more ideas or materials, you are helping your child to learn.

Reference:https://education.gov.scot/parentzone/Documents/nih058-Parentzone-Booklet.pdf

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11/01/2023

Breathe. Pause. Try again.