03/16/2025
From a weird lump that came and went back in April and again in July, to finding that 62x111mm mass hid within the dense breast tissue in August, from that first surgery in September where my daughter asked me to carry her bear, to March and the final chemo, where I’d collected blankets, socks, stuffed animals, lotions, creams, hats, a placenta scarf spelling out “love”, books, scented candles, a signed poster from a band recently affected by the loss of a loved one to breast cancer, and even an iPad, as well as numerous cards and puzzles from semi-strangers, dear friends and loved ones… there’s never been a doubt that I’m loved and supported! Every chemo appt, whether successful or postponed, I took pics to remind myself that life isn’t just seen from my perspective. I took pics of things that meant something to someone else, and took pics of other people. It’s so easy to slip into the mindset that I could close my eyes and wake up pain free on the other side. But that’s not the whole story. And the other stories woven within would be riddled with more pain than I would ever wish upon them. I fight, not just because I really like living, but because I love those who love me. And I don’t want to be a source of pain for them.
Surgery is in roughly four weeks. The findings from that could be great or they could be the worst possible. Either way, I’m fighting. I’m fighting because I’ve been blessed with people who want me to fight. I’m fighting because I believe this life was a gift and I’m not going to squander it. More precious than all the things given to me during my fight was the gift of life. He didn’t intend for us to live in an imperfect world with imperfect bodies. And soon we won’t have to. Until that day, I fight.