Jenna's Journey

05/12/2023

Hello Everyone! Jenna turns 5 on May 21st! This birthday is super important with her diagnosis of retinoblastoma. The chances of it returning become less than 1% (0.02% to be exact). I'm hoping some of you might celebrate with us by sending her a birthday card. If you would like to do that please instant message me and I'll send you our address. Thank you!

05/08/2023

It’s been 1,239 days since Jenna was diagnosed with a malignant cancer called retinoblastoma. Cancer is an evil of this world that steals a multitude of things from families including the vision of children. The most profound loss for us was the loss of Jenna’s right eye. Without its removal, she would not be alive today.

Facing my child’s mortality changed me, and I’ll never be the same person I was before cancer came into my personal sphere. It was no longer a distant devastation, it was up close and personal — an unwelcome intrusion in my reality. When I heard the words, “it’s retinoblastoma,” I would have given anything to trade places with Jenna. She’d only been my legal daughter fourteen short days. Nothing about her cancer diagnosis was fair. Would you be surprised to learn that we found joy inside the pain of cancer?

Jenna and I were never alone on our journey. Countless people have been the hands and feet of Jesus on our path. He has faithfully provided for us even in the depths of treatments, appointments, and all the anxiety that comes with a life altering diagnosis. Jesus has been my faithful friend, ally, brother, and constant companion on my weak and strong days. There have been many more of the weak ones.

Jesus changed me for His glory through Jenna’s cancer journey. I’m grateful. He was the joy inside our journey. I’ve clung Romans 8:18: “For I consider that the sufferings of this present age are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.”

Today I’m happy to tell you that Jenna’s MRI was clear and she is now a retinoblastoma and childhood cancer survivor. She will be 5 years old in less than 2 weeks and for her diagnosis, that means we graduate to only yearly check ups. No more MRIs! I’m grateful into the depths of my soul on a level that has no words, only tears of praise. Thank you, Abba Father. She is yours and may her life glorify your name.

05/04/2023

Monday, May 8th, Jenna goes for another MRI. If I’ve counted correctly, this is number 8. There’s no reason for us to believe that her cancer has returned, but I still hold my breath until I read the negative results. Would you join me in praying for negative results?

Update on Jenna: She is in the last few weeks of preschool. She’s all registered for Kindergarten and we are looking forward to celebrating her 5th birthday in 2 weeks!!!!

09/20/2022

September is childhood cancer 🎗awareness month. My daughter Jenna was diagnosed with retinoblastoma when she was 18 months old. What is retinoblastoma? Retinoblastoma is a rare cancer of the retina, the thin membrane on the inside back of the eye that is stimulated by light. Retinoblastoma is usually diagnosed before a child reaches the age of three. How common is retinoblastoma? Retinoblastoma accounts for about 3 percent of all childhood cancers. About 250 to 300 children in the United States are found to have retinoblastoma each year. (stjude.org)

Jenna was diagnosed after we noticed her right eye looked different. She had what was called a “Cat’s eye”: a white-yellow mass or glow seen through the pupil—often first noticed in a photo of a child’s face when the flash is used without “red eye reduction.” Normally, the center of the eye appears red in response to the camera flash, but in retinoblastoma, the center of the eye may have a white glow.

Jenna is now four and cancer free with a prosthetic eye on the right side. We call it her “boo boo eye”. She started preK this year and she’s thriving following a toddlerhood full of surgeries, chemotherapy and anaphylaxis. I am grateful to God for sparing her life. Also, I’m aware that not all childhood cancer journeys end joyfully. I was able to bring my baby girl home. Being a childhood cancer warrior mama is a title you never want, and a title that changes you forever.

08/03/2021

Dear Cancer

It's been a little over a year since you ravaged our days
We're left with scars, reminders, unseen.
Each time you took something from us,
God poured love and mercy upon our hearts:
As you stole weekends - gaps of time - from our family,
He blessed mother and child with strength and time together.
You took financial security and replaced it with burdensome debt,
God showed His graciousness through the gifts of others.
You overloaded my mind with an unending schedule of appointments,
He whispered His love through the kindness of doctors and nurses.
You bankrupted my self-reliance and depleted me emotionally,
Jesus held me upright during the hardest days of uncertainty and pain.
With your accomplice, pandemic, you removed physical family support
God answered with an outpouring of love through His body/family
Jenna lost half of her visual field when you began to gain ground again
But the one and only living God answered with the blessing of life
You were relentless in your attempts to take - in many ways,
but with each theft, God blessed us, as if to kiss our hurts away.

--Imaging Bearing Warrior Mama (Misha)

04/21/2021

“I be brave Mom” were the last words Jenna uttered as she went back for her MRI. She didn’t cry. She gently rubbed my face, hugged me, and softly reassured me. I’m happy to inform you all that Jenna remains cancer free. God be praised!

04/20/2021

Waiting to go back...

04/20/2021

Jenna heads in for an EUA, MRI and new prosthetic eye today at VCH. Please lift her up in prayer.

03/23/2021

One year ago today, I stood in the hallway of Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital receiving the news that my 21-month-old daughter’s cancer had taken a negative turn. The following day, God used human hands to save my youngest daughters life. Her young body battled cancer assisted with doses of vincristine, etopiside and carboplatin. We failed to save her right eye from cancer and her right globe was removed on 3/24/20. As I walked through those early days I grieved deeply over the loss of her sight and yet I rejoiced in her chance at a life after cancer. The following months were full of systemic chemotherapy, ending in an episode of anaphylaxis from carboplatin. Our journey through cancer was full of an immeasurable amount of grace and mercy poured into our lives by the one and only living God. I entered Jenna’s cancer journey a spiritually broken mess buried under the weight of guilt and shame. During our journey together, God taught me who I am in Christ and gave me the gift of felt forgiveness releasing me from the bo***ge of sin. He revealed himself to me in the most beautiful ways during our quiet mornings together, blessing me with scripture to cling to daily. He guided me down a path that placed my dependence solely on Him. He alone sustains me. I’m not thankful for Jenna’s cancer, but I am thankful for the journey. I’m thankful for a God that can use a terrible disease to draw a child so close to her Heavenly Father that her heart can see the beauty buried deep inside the sorrow and pain. I’m grateful for the calming hand of Christ upon my shoulder in the middle of earth shattering news on 3/23/20. I’m thankful for the new lens inside the eyes of my heart that gives me a new perspective of which to view the temporal things of life. I pray for God to fix my eyes upon eternal things. Today, one year later, Jenna is thriving and Christ is King. Thank you Lord for blessing me with two beautiful healthy daughters!

03/08/2021

~Jenna’s favorite phrases:
“Hey guys!”
“Wait a second!”
“I’m tryin’ to”
Her hair is finally long enough 6 months following her last chemo treatment for small pigtails 👧🏻! Praise God.

12/16/2020

One year ago today Jenna was diagnosed with retinoblastoma. Today she is cancer free!!! Today feels difficult in my heart as I reflect on the past year but that in no way diminished my thankfulness to God for sparing my beautiful daughter’s life. I’m also acutely aware that not all cancer parents🎗have the ending we have been blessed with by God.

12/13/2020

Joy:
“Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen.”
(Jude 1:24-25)

I am full of joy today! Joy the noun means “a feeling of great pleasure and happiness” while the verb means “rejoice”. I rejoice with joy over the life Christ has given me and my children. One year ago today I sat in Dr. Evan Shields office as he tenderly expressed his findings of a mass in Jenna’s right eye. The diagnosis of retinoblastoma loomed and came some 3 days later but our journey began one year ago today. I rejoice in today! The past year has been different and hard for us all in some ways and I’m so thankful to God for the journey. In the last year he taught me and gave me faith to believe when I was weary and didn’t know the future of my child. I couldn’t see my future, Jenna’s future or our future as a family because cancer created a veil over each day. In that veil I found the loving arms of my Heavenly Father. He walked with me and opened my heart in new faith, courage, prayer, and love.

I rejoice today in the every day of normal things such as Jenna reaching for the light switch while standing on my Aunt Jenny’s baby bed, her namesake and biological grandmother. Thank you God for Jenna. Thank you for my girls!

11/27/2020

Jenna’s genetic testing on the tumor was inconclusive. The tumor was so dead from the IAC treatments that the lab tried everything to extract DNA 🧬 genetic material and they were unable to do so. Remember the blood 🩸 genetic testing stated there is a 95% accuracy of no RB1 gene on chromosome 13. The tumor testing was to negate the 5% error.

What does this mean? Dr. Daniels and Dr. Friedman will continue to follow Jenna until she is 5. She will have an MRI and EUA (eye exam under anesthesia) every 6 months until she is 5. Next MRI and EUA in March.

I’m praising God for taking care of Jenna and us as a family through this journey. I’m so thankful to God for a healthy 2.5 year old! This may not be the answer I was praying for but God knows best and I’m trusting in His plan over my own.

11/22/2020

10/22/2020

Jenna's surgery went well yesterday! She remains cancer free and she is free with no major appointments for 4 months!! Praising God daily for a healthy girl!!