Allie Shivener Counseling

12/06/2021

Let’s talk about boundaries on social media. Sometimes, we can be quick to assume that boundaries with social media always means a complete break from all forms of social media. But, there are actually a lot of different types of boundaries we can have with social media.

1. The complete hiatus - taking that full break from all social media

2. Time limitations - limiting the amount of time and/or the time of day spent on social media

3. Limiting specific platforms - cutting out specific social media platforms that you recognize are particular time-wasters, extra draining, most detrimental to your mental health, etc.

4. Unfollowing certain accounts - unfollowing and/or choosing to scroll past any accounts & posts that are draining, lead to comparison, or otherwise deplete your mental health.

⋒ Have you set any boundaries with social media?

⋒ Can you think of any other kinds of boundaries we can have with social media?

12/05/2021

Have you ever had an encounter where a friend turns to self-pity instead of celebrating in the victories of others? The kind of response that says, “Seeing her succeed makes me sad,” or, “I can’t be happy for them because I wanted that.”

Jealousy is NORMAL. It’s ok to have mixed feelings when a friend gets something we wanted. Yet, responding to the victories and celebrations of others with our own jealousy can create toxicity in our relationships.

We also don’t have to fake positivity either, because that’s not helpful and invalidates our own feelings.

Instead, we can offer balanced responses when others are celebrating and we feel miserable.

Examples include:

✖️ “Seeing her succeed makes me sad.”

🖤 “Seeing her succeed brings up hard feelings for me because I feel like I’ve failed. And I can still feel glad for her.”

✖️”Watching things go smoothly for them is awful to watch.”

🖤 “It’s hard to see someone else get what I wanted so badly, and I’m glad she gets to experience that.”

✖️ “I hate that she’s so happy.”

🖤 “I’m glad she’s doing well and I’m honestly jealous because I’ve not been doing so well.”

12/02/2021

✨How do you self-soothe?✨

12/01/2021

We all want so badly to be invited that we forget someone has to be the one to extend the invitation.

Finding, meeting, and maintaining friendships post-college is *hard*. Like they don’t tell you how tough it will be because making new friends just isn’t as straightforward as it was in college when we were surrounded with other people in our same life-stage.

As we find ourselves desperate for invitations into friendships, we can forget that most people are in the same boat. And ultimately, somebody has to take that brave first step of dropping the line and extending the invitation.

⋒ Asking a coworker to grab lunch.
⋒ Striking up a conversation with the girl who’s in your yoga class.
⋒ Joining a local book club.
⋒ Attending the mixers at your apartment complex.
⋒ Signing up for a painting class or cooking class.

What first step(s) to making new connections can you think of?

12/01/2021

Boundaries that are too firm & rigid don’t give us room to grow or reflect on situations that warrant softer boundaries. If our boundaries are too soft, they aren’t upheld.

Flexible boundaries let us grow and respond to those nuanced situations with care.

Are your boundaries usually rigid, too soft, or flexible?

01/24/2021

New on the blog today - learn about grounding, why it's so helpful for anxiety, and ways that you can practice grounding right now!

Offering holistic, trauma-informed counsleing services for adults and teenagers in Franklin, TN and in Nashville, TN.

01/23/2021

The same way you don’t always enjoy your work, your homework, cleaning, doing laundry, or paying bills but you do it anyway. You do it because you know that there is value in getting your work done. You know that you are responsible for those things.

And I know that sometimes self-care is glamorized in a way that we think it has to be fun and sparkly and that we will enjoy every minute of it. But, truth is, if you’re not there yet... if you don’t like yourself enough yet to get pumped about doing something for you... well that’s ok. Because that’s not the only reason we care for ourselves.

I challenge you today to do one small thing to ensure you care for yourself. No matter how you feel about yourself today 🤍🤍🤍

✨If you live in TN and are looking for a counselor to help you with feelings of self-hate or low self-worth, please reach out✨

•
•
•

11/17/2020

With the holidays around the corner, I've shared my tips for supporting a loved one with an eating disorder through those big holiday dinners. Click below to read more!

Offering holistic, trauma-informed counsleing services for adults and teenagers in Franklin, TN and in Nashville, TN.

11/09/2020

Social media can be a wonderful thing or a destructive thing. That’s why it’s so important to practice mindfulness when we are using social media. Here are some ways to be more mindful about how you are using social media:

As you’re scrolling:
⌓ Notice how you’re feeling
⌓ Notice if certain accounts bring up feelings of jealousy or insecurity
⌓ Notice if you feel the need to buy products you weren’t already looking for
⌓ Notice how much time you’re spending scrolling
⌓ Notice is you are scrolling to avoid something productive

As you’re posting:
⌓ Notice your motivation for posting
⌓ Notice whether you feel driven by receiving comments/likes/follows
⌓ Notice how you feel before, during, and after posting or sharing
⌓ Notice whether you feel like the way you show up on social media feels authentic or like you’re wearing a mask

11/06/2020

Read about ways that you can build resiliency - new on my blog!

Offering holistic, trauma-informed counsleing services for adults and teenagers in Franklin, TN and in Nashville, TN.