Samson Society

07/23/2025

The child who exaggerates their injury may not be “overreacting”—they may be testing to see if someone will finally offer comfort without question.

The “dramatic” one may not be seeking a spotlight, but simply trying to be seen in a family where they often feel invisible.

The child who always insists on going first might not be selfish—they may have internalized the message that their needs only matter when they're loud and immediate.

The one who lies about their abilities or constantly seeks praise? They may be struggling to feel worthy without external validation.

And the child who lashes out—hurting siblings, pushing buttons, escalating conflicts—may be acting out their inner chaos: bullied at school, overwhelmed by change, or carrying emotions too big for their little body to hold.

Here's the truth: Kids don’t enjoy “attention-seeking.” They do it because somewhere along the way, they learned attention is the only path to their needs being noticed—let alone met.

As adults, many of us carry the emotional echoes of these experiences. We may now overwork, overeat, over-apologize, people-please, lie about being okay, or reach for substances—not because we’re weak, but because once upon a time, our survival depended on adaptive strategies that are now hurting us.

But healing is possible. It begins when we stop criticizing the behavior and start getting curious about the unmet need. When we offer ourselves the compassion we were once denied. When we learn to sit with discomfort instead of silencing it.

You were never too needy. You were asking to be noticed, to be loved, to be safe. And you still deserve all of that now.

07/11/2025

Love Can Be a Reflection of Our Healing Or Our Hurt

Love isn’t always what we think it is. Sometimes what we call love is actually fear in disguise:
🚨 Clinging because we’re afraid of being abandoned.
🚨 Controlling because we’re afraid of being hurt.
🚨 Shrinking because we’ve been taught our needs are “too much.”
🚨 Overgiving because we’re trying to earn our worth.

In those moments, we’re not loving from our truth. We’re loving from our trauma—from old stories about what we had to do to be safe, chosen, or enough.

But here's the beauty: We have a choice.

We can pause. We can get curious. We can begin to love from a different place:
From truth instead of fear.
From presence instead of performance.
From boundaries instead of burnout.
From “I am already enough,” not “I need to be enough for you.”

Love becomes powerful when it’s not a survival strategy, but a sacred expression of our healing.

07/09/2025

So many of us believe that if we can just keep it together...If we push the pain down, power through, or distract ourselves long enough, it’ll all go away.

But here’s the hard truth: Your pain doesn’t disappear just because you avoid feeling it. It doesn’t dissolve because you’re “being strong” or “staying positive.” If anything, it burrows deeper.

And often, it’s not just the sadness or anger we’re avoiding, it’s the shame we feel for having those emotions at all.

We tell ourselves:
“I shouldn’t still be upset about this.”
“Why am I so sensitive?”
“I should be over it by now.”

But shame doesn’t heal pain. Shame freezes it. It stops sensation. It disconnects us from the very emotions that carry the wisdom and movement we need in order to feel and heal.

Healing begins when we stop shaming the hurting parts of us and start welcoming them home. Not to wallow. Not to stay stuck. But to say: “I see you. You’re allowed here. You make sense.”

Because emotions are messengers—not threats. And your body knows how to move toward healing, if you let it feel without fear.

07/08/2025

You’ve probably heard the term “regulate your nervous system.” It’s everywhere. And while it’s well-meaning, the word “regulate” can start to sound like control. Like your body is misbehaving and needs to be managed, silenced, or "brought back online" as quickly as possible.

But here’s the truth: Your nervous system isn’t a malfunctioning machine. It’s a wise, protective part of you that learned how to keep you safe even if those strategies don’t always serve you now.

What if nervous system work isn’t about tightening the reins, but softening into relationship?

When you feel overwhelmed, shut down, anxious, or numb, the invitation isn’t to fix it. It’s to meet yourself there. Gently. Honestly. Without shame.

It's asking yourself:
“What do you need, body?”
“What are you protecting me from right now?”
“Can I sit with this instead of fighting it?”

Regulation flows from safety. And safety flows from relationship with ourselves, with others, with the spaces we inhabit.

So the goal isn’t perfect calm. It’s presence. Curiosity. Compassion.

Not control over your nervous system, but connection with it.

07/07/2025

Why you keep having the same fight in your marriage (Hint: It’s not just about the dishes)

It’s easy to believe that most arguments in a relationship are about the thing: who left the socks on the floor, who’s carrying more of the emotional or household load, or who snapped during a stressful moment.

But here’s the truth: Most marital conflicts are 10% about the present moment and 90% about your past.

That raised voice? It hits the nervous system of the child in you who felt unsafe when adults yelled.

That silent treatment? It echoes the emotional neglect you experienced growing up.

That need to be “right”? It’s protecting a younger version of you who was rarely believed.

These arguments aren’t just frustrating, they’re familiar. And not because your partner is your enemy, but because your nervous system is responding to old wounds with new material.

This isn’t about blame—it’s about awareness. When we understand that our current triggers are often echoes of old pain, we stop attacking each other and start exploring what’s really going on underneath.

Instead of asking,
“Why is my partner like this?”
Try asking,
“What in me is feeling threatened, unseen, or unsafe right now?”

Therapy helps you and your partner recognize the inner children who show up in adult bodies during conflict. When we learn to listen to them—and speak for them instead of from them—healing becomes possible.

Couples who do the work don’t stop fighting—they start fighting fairer, slower, and more curiously. And with more tenderness.

04/10/2025

An illuminating conversation with Kim Humphrey, Executive Director and CEO of PAL (Parents of Addicted Loved Ones).

03/07/2025

03/04/2025

Feeling unsafe as a child isn’t always about physical harm—it’s often about emotional experiences that taught us we had to shrink ourselves to be accepted:

🔹 Being told your opinions didn’t matter
🔹 Getting punished for speaking up
🔹 Feeling responsible for your parents' emotions
🔹 Being shamed or criticized for expressing yourself
🔹 Learning that showing emotions led to rejection

When childhood teaches us that authenticity isn’t safe, we grow into adults who struggle to trust ourselves, set boundaries, or feel secure in relationships. But healing is possible. You deserve to take up space. You deserve to be heard. You deserve to feel safe being you.

03/02/2025

Trauma isn’t just about what happened—it’s about what we learned to survive. When love and safety felt uncertain in childhood, we often develop coping mechanisms that follow us into adulthood:

🔹 Tying self-worth to external validation
🔹 Struggling to ask for help or set boundaries
🔹 People-pleasing to keep relationships “safe”
🔹 Feeling unworthy, no matter how much we achieve
🔹 Fear of abandonment, leading to toxic or unhealthy attachments

These patterns aren’t personality flaws—they are survival responses. The good news? Healing is possible. You are not broken. You are learning to reclaim yourself, one step at a time.

03/01/2025

Secure attachment isn’t about never making mistakes—it’s about repairing them. Children don’t need perfect parents; they need present parents.

When a caregiver gets frustrated, it’s not the frustration itself that harms the child—it’s whether the child is left alone in it. A simple apology, a moment of reconnection, or acknowledging the impact can teach a child that relationships can withstand imperfection.

Healing attachment wounds as adults often means learning this truth for ourselves: We don’t have to be perfect to be worthy of love.

02/28/2025

An inspiring conversation with recovering addict, prison reform advocate, and best-selling author Lara Love Hardin, whose memoir, The Many Lives of Mama Love, is a 2024 Oprah Book Club pick and a New York Times bestseller.