Cadey Phipps LMFT, Franklin, TN (2025)

02/20/2022

If you read anything at all, read the last slide. ❤️‍🔥

(And if you have any qualms, corrections, comments, and/or grievances, please feel free to message or comment them. In creating a safe space for learning and growth, we, too, are open to new insights, opinions, experiences and mind-blowing realizations that only you can share because only you know what your experience is. So, please share - help us to learn more, to be better, and to create a cool space for knowledge to bubble over and be our teachers. ✨)

-Payton

🌈

02/16/2022

Do you ever have a sense of unease, feel nervous, worry a lot, are fearful, or dread about what is going to happen or what might happen? Do you sometimes feel like you are losing control, or stuck in worst case scenario thinking, or feel a growing of uncertainty? This may be anxiety, an emotion we all experience as a part of our daily lives. There is a close connection between fear and anxiety, but there is a key difference: fear is the primary emotion in the presence of a threat, while anxiety is a sense of perceived danger, trouble, or threat.

So why do people react to anxiety in such drastically different ways? Our experience of anxiety is subjective - we all live unique lives and react differently to stress, worry, and fear. In Atlas of the Heart, Brene Brown talks about anxiety as both “a state and a trait.” What does this mean? Brown describes an anxious state as when some of us are anxious mainly due to that (can you ask Shelby if this was a typo? Due to what?), while having an anxious trait describes some of us who are predisposed to anxiety more than others.

Brown makes an excellent point when she states that our “anxiety and fear need to be understood and respected, perhaps even befriended.” While we can certainly utilize coping skills to help us manage our anxiety, we do not need to ruminate on it or avoid/ignore it, otherwise it will fester.

Try out these ways to help manage it!

*Note that some of us may have difficulty with these suggestions. For some (particularly those with trauma or OCD), focusing on the breath or other body sensations can actually increase anxious feelings at first. Others may have complicated relationships with their bodies and movement, or have no idea what we mean by “sitting with uncertainty”. We can help!

02/14/2022

I (Payton) haven’t always loved Valentine’s Day. I’ve always thought of it as a Hallmark holiday that was created to push money into cards and presents. (Cynical, I’m aware..)

However, as I’ve gotten older, and as I have learned more about what “makes a life worth living,” I’m beginning to realize that a day that is reserved for showing those around us that we love for them and letting them know how appreciated and cared for they are is actually a wonderful thing.

In fact, science agrees. Expressing care and appreciation increases the chances of having multiple positive relationships in your life and data shows that positive relationships make you feel better. Um, side effects of boosting happiness and reducing stress? Yes please! Improving self confidence and your sense of belonging? Oh heck yea!

On a different note, on most Valentine’s Days, for me at least, it’s easy to get wrapped into the narrative that bigger is better and that better is best. And that makes total sense, right, because often times we love someone so much that we want to do anything to show them that we think that they are the best. However, it definitely doesn’t have to be the case.

If we listen to Gottman, any action to increase the positive to negative ratio in our relationships is a good one. Maybe while you are at work today, enjoying your morning coffee with your partner, or out to dinner, try one of these “Ideas for Spreading Love” conversation starters from out “Waiting Room Activity” to spark a genuine love- and appreciation-centric chat.

Valentines Day is such a cool day to hone in on how much the people in our lives mean to us, but this is your reminder that today doesn’t have to be about flashy cards, elaborate gifts, and expensive meals, just about spreading love and appreciation to those around you.

02/11/2022

Many of us struggle with meditation practice because we believe to be “good” meditators we must completely clear our minds. Think nothing. Feel peaceful. Be zen!!

But what if that didn’t have to be the case? For most of us, practicing meditation isn’t about reaching some completely blissful, thought-free state. It’s about beginning to notice that we have thoughts. And as we notice thoughts, we can practice noticing without judging them, attaching to them, or following them down a rabbit hole. And even if (when) we do one of of those things, then we get to practice noticing that, and not shaming ourselves for doing that, either. We simply (or not so simply) notice and welcome each thought, each part of us that arises, and then let it go by and just be.

Sometimes it can be helpful to stay present by coming back to the body: our breath or our senses. For some of us we may prefer to come back to a mantra, name each thought as “thinking”, or focus on counting. This in and of itself may be very difficult! It may be a constant noticing and redirecting back to the point of focus, 1000 times within the span of one minute. That’s ok, you’re still doing it right.

Because a mediation practice is just that: a *practice*. A welcoming and befriending of each and every part of us along the way. And in befriending our own parts, we are able to soften to the parts of others. We become more mindful parents, siblings, partners, humans. That’s the practice. Not to be “better”, just to be.

-Cadey

02/08/2022

One of my (Payton) favorite podcasts is the DTFH (). On one of the episodes that I watched a few months ago, Duncan Trussel went on a tangent where he was talking about looking yourself in the mirror and complimenting all of the things that you normally wouldn’t about yourself as a means to promote self compassion and radical self acceptance within yourself.

He explains this weird sensation after “saying sweet things to your reflection” where you “experience an instantaneous shift in consciousness that will seem absurd and yet amazing and you will begin to be kinder to everyone around you because the cliche is true, you are everyone and everyone deserves your love but you have to give it to yourself first.” (in typical DT babble.)

So I tried it. I started at home in my mirror. Then while I was at yoga. And while staring at my sweaty reflection, I bombard myself with compliments about all of the things that my brain was registering that was wrong with how my meat-covered skeleton was being projected back at me.

Turns out that radical self acceptance (a Buddhist concept) has some pretty awesome properties. By definition, radical acceptance is the ability to accept situations that are outside of your control without judging them, which in turn reduces the suffering that is caused by them. It’s the act of accepting reality for what it is, and not getting caught up in an emotional reaction to that reality.

This concept of radical SELF acceptance looks more towards yourself, your current situation, and you life. You shed love and care to all things about yourself without question, blame, or pushback. And let me tell you that the changes in my brain since I have started doing this have been wild.

Try this out this - the next time you look in the mirror and notice something about yourself that your brain starts to register as wrong or bad, give it the most sweet and elaborate compliment. And just see how that lands internally. Here, I'll start, "that fat roll is so strong and juicy and beautifully amazing."

We are all truly trying to do our best in all of the impossible situations that life hands to us, so let's be kind towards ourselves.

02/05/2022

Cronuts - a true gift from God & a delicious pastry that usually churns up a bunch of “eaters remorse” & stress for me. But not today.

Story time: I (Payton) went to hot yoga this morning to move my body and was feeling superb. I walked out of that yoga studio, smelled something so sweet and so magical that before I knew it my legs were taking me in that direction to obtain it. They were the most decadent cronuts I had ever seen. At one point in my life, I might have calculated the calories lost in the yoga class versus the calories gained after eating the cronut and defaulted to go home and make some eggs. But not today.

I got two, sat down, took a bite and marveled in the perfect combination of strawberry and lemon. Another bite. Another bite. “How can something taste this good?” I thought as I entertained thoughts about the science behind tastebuds, textures, and the concept of mindful eating. I think that I used to always think of food as a thing that you had to check off your to-do list - I used to understand food as a means to only fuel your body. But not today.

After I got home, I thought, “Man, I wonder if the other one [vanilla bean] is also that amazing?” And took a bite to find out. Delicious, but not as good as the other one, I took one more bite of the first. There was only one bite left of the strawberry lemon cronut, but I was feeling satisfied so I put it down, closed the box, and went on with my day. Maybe even a year ago, the thought of something with only one bite left might have given me so much anxiety that I would have just eaten it (no matter how full I was) for the sake of completion. But not today.

For me, this is what healing from disordered eating is like - it’s honoring your body when it feels like it needs something (no matter what that is or how many calories it might have), tasting & appreciating the food that you are choosing to eat, & listening to your body cues when it feels like it is satisfied.

It took me a LONG time to get here & of course there are still days when I revert back to less sustainable (but completely understandable) old ways. Still a long way to go, but I’ll take today to revel in the wins that I had.

02/04/2022

Okay, I will admit it. Sometimes when I have so many things on my to-do list, I feel guilty for throwing things in there that I WANT to do. Other times, I get so used to only doing things that I “need” to do that when I have the time and space for things that I “want” to do, I don’t even know where to start. Anyone else?

For me, drawing, crafting, and physical activity (in game form) are escapes. I can pick up a pencil and lose hours of my day letting my thoughts translate onto a medium or start to forget who I am in the wave of adrenaline that comes after a good play or a sick move.

Even a few years ago, I might argue that this form of “escape” is a bad thing - a way to avoid reality or ignore “what actually is.” Part of me still feels like in certain cases that could be true.

However, adulthood and “emotional-wokeness” has also showed me that often times when we spend lots of time on a hobby or an escape, it’s because a part of us desperately needs it.

Our bodies and minds are intelligent and insightful things. If we give them the space and resources to heal and fix themselves, often times they know exactly what they need to do just that. To parts of us, that might feel like an escape, but to others it might be the beat that they need to get back on their feet or space that they need to process things.

In this way, hobbies can be your superpower. They can be healing. They can be the buñuelos that Julieta gives Mirabel (any Encanto fans?). Whatever that might be for you, try listening to it today. Try going with it, letting your body and mind escape for a second, and giving yourself the space and resources to heal.

-PL

02/02/2022

I’ve imagined myself with a half sleeve ever since I (Cadey) got my first tiny tattoo on my 18th birthday. I’ve also always been too concerned with other people’s opinions and the idea of “meaningful” tattoos to actually do it.

Don’t get me wrong - I love a meaningful tattoo! And all of mine have been meaningful thus far, too. On this tricep I started with the lavender (my business logo), a couple years later added my own and my partner’s birth flowers (with the hopes of someday adding the birth flowers of future children), and last week added the teacup. At first the teacup was just a cute vessel to take up more space (shout out to Payton for drawing it up for me!). But in reflecting on what feels like a *need* for more tattoos, the tea cup also reminds me of this lesson that I’m learning: that it’s ok to not be everyone’s “cup of tea”. (swipe to see the convo that led to this realization with some of my wise, life-long friends)

Parts of me really struggles with this. Other parts of me are really excited about the internal shift that involves reclaiming my body in radical self love, which may also result in some external shifts.

So turns out, maybe every tattoo does have a meaning. Even if it’s just something you like, capturing a moment in time, or something from an artist you admire. For me, the “meaning” behind this tattoo is that I like the tattoo aesthetic. I’m reclaiming my body. I’m allowed to take up space. I get to decide what happens to my body. I’m not for everyone.

You don’t have to like my tattoos - they’re for me, anyway. Here’s to leaning into that, and to finally working on that half sleeve 🍻

01/31/2022

What's the difference, right? 😂 For most folx who've grown up in a culture of rampant disembodiment (defined by the learning of our bodies as "other" from ourselves; hint hint, we cannot actually separate ourselves form our body, ever), it can be really tough to even recognize a simple emotional cue in the body. When a therapist asks you something like "Where do you feel this in your body" or even just "What are you feeling/experiencing in this moment?" and those thoughts seem absolutely foreign to you, that's okay. Embodiment is a process of unlearning and returning back to YOU.

-Lacey

01/29/2022

It would be naive to say that in this day and age money and happiness share no relationship. And scientific research backs this - in fact, most research in this realm is unanimous in reporting that money almost always improves levels of happiness. (Shocking, right?)

Though we aren’t explicitly handing someone a 20$ bill and they hand us back 5 “happiness units,” we can imagine how utilizing money makes it more likely to experience positive feelings, leading to a happier mood.

Of course, there are always ways that we could swap out free options to provide similar results. The point that I’m trying to make is not that you need to have money to be happy, but rather that money has relationships with many different aspects of our lives that might be beneficial to be aware of and/or attempt to understand a bit more.

This is true for many other qualities that we might wish we could buy. When money is available, there are things that we can buy with the money to increase the chances of achieving the things that money can’t buy (for example, you cant buy true friendship, but you can sit with your friend at a coffee shop while you sip on $6 almond milk lattes while you provide them a space to vent - which could increase the chances of a more genuine connection with your friend).

It’s the same idea here. Can money buy you all of the things that you want in life? No - of course not. However, can money help to make resources and opportunities available so that you have a better and/or easier chance of achieving the things you want in life? Probably.

What do we do with that information? Great question. I (Payton) have no idea. In my personal life, though, it’s helpful for me to understand that sometimes money can make things easier to achieve or that lack of money might force you to jump over more hurdles than someone with money to achieve the same thing. This helps me to validate my feelings/frustrations when money isn’t available, provides empathy and understanding for hurdles that others might be encountering in attempting to achieve something, and allows me to prioritize what is “worth” spending money on now to make a bit more easy or achievable.

01/27/2022

I (Payton) am so passionate about being a s*x-positive therapist & person.

To be honest, I didn’t explicitly see the harms of s*x-negativity until I moved to the South. After moving, I began to see a lot of individuals who grew up in environments that encouraged s*x-negativity. And as a result, often times these individuals are/were riddled with shame and judgement - a generally miserable experience that inhibits pleasure in general, worsens your overall mental health, and actively interferes with your day-to-day life.

Being s*x-positive is such a cool and empowering thing contrast. It not only says that that s*x (and all things to do with s*x) can be an awesome and positive occurrence in a person’s life, but also opens the door for having conversations about important “traditionally taboo” topics that otherwise might not get talked about (like s*xual trauma, lack or boosts of s*xual desire, fantasies/fetishes, SA, etc.). S*x positivity also promotes embodiment, exploration, learning, and growth around one’s s*xuality and gender (or lack there of) without this judgement or shame.

Being s*x-positive around kiddos (especially teenagers) can seem scary. I can totally empathize with parents that express concern around being s*x positive and having their teenage hear encouragement rather than education. The truth is that having a s*x-positive stance with you kids often times does not come across as you promoting them to have s*x, but as teaching them a way of being that replaces shame with pleasure and replaces judgement with freedom. It’s allowing them autonomy over their body and providing them with the knowledge that they need to not only understand and learn about consent, protection, and boundaries, but also builds trust and honesty between parents and kids around “big” conversations.

I want my clients, my friends/family, and anyone around me to feel comfortable and confident around having these conversations with me. I’m a safe person to have these conversations with because I believe that s*x-positivity can be a source of health, celebration, nurturance, healing and well-being. These aren't bad words, but rather totally amazing and empowering ones!

-PL

01/24/2022

When someone compliments your hair, your work on a project, your sense of humor, or any of the other awesome things about you-- can you accept that affirmation? For some people, these sentiments can be disorienting because they challenge a rigid narrative we tell ourselves... about ourselves.

Let's say that I have always told myself that I'm socially awkward. Someone along the way tells me that I have a great sense of humor, I'm great with this person, or I'm so good at making friends. This would directly challenge my view of self, and I might even convince myself that this person is blatantly lying to me!

"Um, no I am not! How could that possibly be true? That's ridiculous, they must just be trying to make me feel better about myself." etc.

In this moment, I would have the option to challenge MY view of myself (and realize I am experiencing a highly critical part), or I can continue to control my preconceived narrative that I am unlikable and a pain to be around-- this feels known, and therefore safe. Denying others' perception of yourself might feel easier in the moment, but note there is nothing "easy" about self-depreciation and a negative sense of self long-term! Control gives us a false sense of safety in many ways, but it keeps us from our core selves, and it keeps us farrr away from others (sometimes this is a protector part's whole goal!)

01/19/2022

For many of us, it feels easier to offer compassion to others than it is to offer that same compassion to ourselves. But what if self-compassion allowed for deeper, truer, compassion for others?

argues that if true compassion comes from a place of empathy, i.e. “I get it, I’ve been there, I feel this with you”, then it could also be said that compassion is bred in a context of connection and can only exist between two equals. “Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.”

Sit with that for a moment. It’s big stuff. When we’re able to say, “Ugh, what happened to me really sucks. I’m not alone in this. May I be gentle with myself as I figure out how to navigate this hard thing”, we are better able to tap into our own humanity that can then help us connect to the same hurting, human parts of others in other moments.

So, next time you’re being hard on yourself, what would it be like to try treating yourself the same way you would a loved friend or family member? Added bonus? Doing so may even help you love them better, too.

- CADEY

01/18/2022

Self-compassion doesn’t always mean self-absolution. In other words, Self-compassion doesn’t always mean just letting yourself off the hook. Swipe through to see some examples of shame and blame, self-absolution, and true self-compassion.

A fear that I (Cadey) often hear when discussing self-compassion, is that if we’re “too easy” on ourselves (aka too self-compassionate) then we won’t ever hold ourselves accountable to change. We won’t get anything done. We won’t take responsibility for doing things differently.

I get it – if we’re constantly offering self-“compassion” that looks like a defensive, “Whelp, I did my best and everyone just needs to always accept that!” then, yes, we may be missing the mark.

But that’s not what true self-compassion looks like. Kristen Neff has spent her career studying self-compassion, and on her website self-compassion.org, she recommends practicing self-compassion by:

1. Naming that this is a moment of suffering
2. Acknowledging that suffering is a part of life
3. Finding a statement that allows you to be kind to yourself

Once we’ve done this, we may find ourselves better able to move from shame/blame without swinging to the opposite end of the spectrum.

So what about those that believe they best motivate themselves by being mean to themselves? Research on self-compassion tells us that while shame and blame may be short term motivators for some people, self-compassion has a much more sustainable record for creating real and lasting change. It is our capacity to hold the complexity of what it means to be human – AKA acknowledging that suffering and imperfection are part of life - that can then allow us to recognize that maybe we want to do something differently. It feels a whole lot safer to consider doing something differently when it doesn’t feel like an inherent threat to our self-worth.

What a difference this could make in how we show up in the world.

- CADEY

01/17/2022

For the next few days, we are going to feature some posts about self-compassion! Stay tuned!!

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“Owning our story and loving ourself through the process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.“ - Brené Brown

I (Cadey) recently re-read Brené Brown’s Book, The Gifts of Imperfection, and was once again struck by the way her gentle reminders landed with me. This quote was one that stuck out to me, and I invite you to sit with it and see how it lands for you.

What do you notice – Defensiveness? Peace? Fear? Excitement? What would it be like to own your own story: the “good”, the “bad”, and the “ugly”? Any reaction to the thought of doing this is valid.

For many of us, it’s scary to imagine looking back at certain moments in our stories. We may not want to go back there, and I get it. Yet as the saying goes, with great bravery comes great reward. The reward in this case may be living a more deeply, Wholehearted life. Check out The Gifts of Imperfection for more guidelines on Wholehearted living.

-CADEY

01/15/2022

Solitude is so underrated. Blaise Pascal once said, “All man’s miseries derive from not being able to sit quietly in a room alone.” This might be partially due to how we teach solitude in our society, often times using it as a punishment for bad behavior (like with time-outs for little kids) or cautioning against it (like stealing clear of being or associating with the “loner” at school).

Regardless, the long term benefits of solitude are substantial. Some of them can include learning more about yourself, empowering you to be more comfortable with who you are, boosting creativity, increased planning and goal setting for your life, and general improvements to mental wellbeing.

Let me include that I understand that alone time and solitude are, in themselves, privileges that some of us might not have as accessibly. But could we build bits of solitude into our daily routines - maybe for even 5-10 minutes? Could we just get a taste of solitude today? I wonder how you would feel after it?

You might be wondering, “Well, what would I even do with time to myself?” Swipe for some ideas homies!

Cadey Phipps LMFT