01/06/2024
I feel this.
Having depression or anxiety at any other time in your life is the biggest risk factor for postpartum depression and anxiety. There are several antidepressant options that are compatible with breastfeeding. Let's talk!
I’m on antidepressants 👩🏻. For the first time in my life, after 37 years of raw do***ng life, I’m taking Lexapro for anxiety and depression.
I’ve held it together for 37 years, until I didn’t.
Our family went through one of the most arduous times of our lives in December, a tumultuous time that left me as matriarch of our household to step up, be strong, run a business, wipe noses, seek the best doctors, show up on zoom calls, and plan the holidays and we’re fine, I’m fine, everything’s fine.
And it was all fine. Until it wasn’t.
Something was crumbling inside me, the pressure was killing me. So I desperately did everything: I worked out 7 days a week, meditated, journaled, wrote a gratitude list.
It worked. Until it didn’t.
In April, my body succumbed to the pressure. I had a 5 day long migraine that landed me in the hospital. After that, my mental health plummeted, quickly, terrifyingly. The walls started closing in daily - the walls of this life I have prayed for. The beautiful house, the amazing kids, the loving, supportive husband, my dream career - a privileged life free from strife and war and by all accounts, perfect.
My dad died by su***de 11 years ago. I watched him suffer in silence until he plummeted. Yet, here I was, suffering silently, plummeting.
Until one day, I didn’t suffer in silence anymore: I opened up to a mom I knew was on medication, the words pouring out of me. I was terrified of being judged, instead I was met with: me too. I shared with another friend. And another, and another. And each time, I heard: me too. Me too. Me too.
Sharing didn’t take the anxiety away, but it took away the darkness. It gave me hope: I wasn't alone, others have walked this path before me, have endured the crashing waves gasping for air - and eventually, made it to shore - this has been my lifeline.
For those struggling, I wish I could offer you the comforting words these women on the other side offered me. I wish I could say this was a story for mental health awareness from years ago and I’m so much better now. But I can’t. Not yet. But I’m taking steps forward, and maybe, in a few months time, I’ll be one of those women on the other side.
