Mary O'Connor, MFT

Mary O'Connor, MFT Marriage and Family Therapist for over 30 years. TEAM approach to therapy, AAMFT
https://www.pathmentalhealth.com/providers/CA/1881750545-mary-o-connor

I am writing and trying to finish my latest book called Emotionally Healthy Aging. If you can think of a better title, I...
02/08/2025

I am writing and trying to finish my latest book called Emotionally Healthy Aging. If you can think of a better title, I welcome suggestions. Here is one chapter:
Mary says: I have been inspired by Matthew Wilder, a songwriter and singer, who, when I finally found his sound Got to Keep Moving on YouTube and struggled for over an hour on how I could download his song to my website emotionally healthy aging, eventually found myself on his website and was enthralled with his story.
Although I have never met him, our lives are parallel to one another.
Roll back to the days when, while scream-singing and dancing with my friends in the dorms to the Beatles' “I Want to Hold Your Hand!”, the radio broke in that our President had been shot. I was 18 and Wilder was 11 years old in New York and listening to them too. Wilder’s story is that later he was to fall in with the same manager who had once managed the Beatles!
He told his story of moving to Manhattan at 13. My own move at 13 was only moved from one part of Chicago to another, from a big Catholic school to one that only had one eighth grade where most of the students knew each other and I was the new kid on the block.
Wilder tells of the fast pace of his life as a musician and reading between the lines it looked like there were many triumphs and a few huge disappointments. I loved the two songs his sons sang and want to get them to play again and again. Matthew Wilder is a three time Grammy Nominee
Oscar and Golden Globe-nominated Writer and Producer.
As an old timer who loves many forms of music and was used to playing a CD over and over again, I am now at the mercy of Alexa, who recently couldn’t even find the song I was trying to play over again, the “Nothin’s going to break my stride, I gotta keep a-movin’! The familiar upbeat beat and chopping off the ends of words lifted me up and inspired me to keep moving! We Chicagoans, at least from the west side, love to leave off endings off, shorten sentences to two words and mush together words. Howya doin? Good, you? Yah, good.” New Yorkers seem to talk the same way. I’ve only been to Manhattan once, but I love watching films that show my favorite moments at Times Square on a way to a musical, and Central Park, where we took the buggy ride.
My greatest admiration goes to Wilder who has continued to perfect his passion in the music industry. We have that in common, maintaining interest in and working on that which we love. I too have now spent 40 years as a therapist, co-founder of a nonprofit for counseling families, a clinical supervisor teaching new therapists the trade, a writer of a couple of self-help books and now work from home seeing clients online. I admire Wilder as a fellow septuagenarian who lays out his story on his website and continues to uphold our hippy mentality. Though Wilder is very famous, I feel an affinity to him, his work and his devotion to his family.
As for myself, I yearned to be a hippy but kept having children one after another in the 60’s, keeping me off the streets from being part of the movement. Now as I cherish these five full grown 50-something offspring who have gifted me with 15 grandkids, and wouldn’t exchange those years for a minute, I still have that part of me that yearns to shout out for the underserved and have a great kinship with those who have and continue to stand up for what they believe in. The kind of music Wilder created and sang lifts my soul, spurs me on, gives me hope, and helps me to be connected to my like-minded humans.
Wilder is my new hero of the ages.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY.As it gets closer to the holidays, I sometimes get that stress reaction and overwhelmed feeling and th...
11/18/2024

THOUGHT FOR TODAY.
As it gets closer to the holidays, I sometimes get that stress reaction and overwhelmed feeling and then I get tense and irritable at myself that I am not getting it all done fast enough. Last night all that was combined with congestion from a cold that isn't going away fast enough!
Turning to my favorite distractions, I play Scrabble online with a robot, because I don't have the patience to wait for humans to take their turn, and play until my eyes are tired. Then I can use a little meditation and feel grateful for the many good things that have happened, like getting to talk to you on a regular basis. Sending you any kind of spiritual uplift you need today and glad you connected!

THOUGHT FOR TODAY.Equanimity is an attitude we can hold onto when feeling out of sorts. We can get wound up and react to...
11/16/2024

THOUGHT FOR TODAY.
Equanimity is an attitude we can hold onto when feeling out of sorts. We can get wound up and react to others' irritating behaviors. We think they aren't saying what we want them to say, they aren't doing what we think they should be doing. Top those feelings off with the stress of a deadline and we are ready for a round of meditation, where we can breathe deeply and envision this moment, expanding our lungs with air, and releasing the tension within as we drop our shoulders and let go of resentments and worries. For a few minutes of focused breathing and letting everything be as it is, we can bring relief to that this creative mind.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY.Every day is new. Regretting the past can be a waste of time, but remembering good times is a pleasant...
10/21/2024

THOUGHT FOR TODAY.
Every day is new. Regretting the past can be a waste of time, but remembering good times is a pleasant activity. Enjoying the present moment with others brings contentment. Meditation constantly reminds me to enjoy the sound of the outside noises, to enjoy my dogs' efforts to get my hands off the keyboard, to have a cup of coffee with a friend. Meditation teaches me to look around for what is good, and make little plans for future experiences. Glad to be alive today. Love to hear from you what makes you grateful!

THOUGHT FOR TODAY.Listening is not waiting for your turn to talk. I heard two people try to tell me something this morni...
10/05/2024

THOUGHT FOR TODAY.
Listening is not waiting for your turn to talk. I heard two people try to tell me something this morning and though I thought I was listening to what they were saying, I had to clarify. I said do you mean X? and they said no, I mean Y. And again I tried to summarize what I heard and again, they said no and in a different way explained their Y. Whew, listening for what people are saying and getting the true message is harder than it looks. As a therapist, I often wonder if, in hearing the words alone I miss some of the vulnerability behind people's message. Am I reaching the true meaning of their shares?
Early on in my practice I would comment, "That looks like it makes you angry. " Ninety-nine percent of the time, they would disagree, and say they weren't angry. That emotion may be a catch-all for a multitude of emotions, like disappointment, shame, abandonment, justification, self loathing, projection, and frustration. Angry is too simple of a concept, said one of my friends. I have given up ever trying to summarize that someone may be angry and will keep listening for the complex sets of emotions that bring about the strong irritable delivery of their words.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY.Resistance to making amends to someone we have hurt can occupy our mind and hang heavy on our heart. W...
09/27/2024

THOUGHT FOR TODAY.
Resistance to making amends to someone we have hurt can occupy our mind and hang heavy on our heart. We don't actually have to get ourselves in a good space to make the apology; instead the good feeling comes after we have owned up to the wrong, and made a decision to not do that again. Chosing that fork in the road can bring about a certain peace of mind that is indescribly delicious! Good breathing in and out day to you!

THOUGHT FOR TODAY.Expectations can be a feeling that something good is going to happen soon. You aren't sure what it wil...
09/01/2024

THOUGHT FOR TODAY.
Expectations can be a feeling that something good is going to happen soon. You aren't sure what it will be, but it will be nice. Expectations can also work against us if we actually make up a vision of how we think things should go, and they don't happen as our mind predicted it. Having that sense of wonderment keeps us in a state of mind that we are curious about what will happen, but not having any particular version of how it will be.
Last night, watching the college football game, I saw an injured player on the ground. My heart went out to him as he tried to get up and felt tears in my eyes as his teammates ran over to help him off the field. That moment brought about a surprise emotion I wasn't prepared to have, but I felt connected to the man on the field and his teammates in their humanity.
Today is a good day to expect good things to happen.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY.Noticing other peoples' words and actions and not reacting is a skill set talked about in the mindfuln...
08/08/2024

THOUGHT FOR TODAY.
Noticing other peoples' words and actions and not reacting is a skill set talked about in the mindfulness movement. Seeing something that doesn't match your beliefs, ideas or actions doesn't necessarily have to be judged or criticized. What a concept to practice the observation of differences without getting angry or feeling the need to control. Breathe in the difference and exhale the relaxation of the moment. Good work.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY.Conflict: when their way isn't what you would do. Incompatible some call it, others see conflict as a ...
07/09/2024

THOUGHT FOR TODAY.
Conflict: when their way isn't what you would do. Incompatible some call it, others see conflict as a clash. Can people co-exist in the presence of conflict? I see it all the time. If an apple and an orange can sit in the same drawer in the refrigerator, we humans can figure out how to peacefully co-exist.
Usually one of the persons involved in the conflict either gives in, feeling it isn't worth the argument, tries a third way of looking at things that sometimes help, or silently says to themself, "this isn't the hill I want to die on." And they let it go, saying that is how my opponent thinks. I'll just let it be. The Beattles chortled "Let it Be" many years ago. Good advice. Let it be.
Glad to have you here today. Thanks for being here.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY.All the way to the end. Perseverance is a quality we use day by day, when we feel like it and when we ...
06/13/2024

THOUGHT FOR TODAY.
All the way to the end. Perseverance is a quality we use day by day, when we feel like it and when we don't feel like it. Showing up, putting a smile on our faces, doing the duty, and being there for the responsibility. Filling the dishwasher, picking up the kids, grocery shopping, checking in on a friend is the drill for us who do the do until the end. What are the side effects? A big deep breath, a feeling of being okay with the world. Grateful for those who show up with a good attitude and appreciate the dailyness of their service.

Reminders for single parents: Your kids are listening. If you think about the negative things you say about the other pa...
06/11/2024

Reminders for single parents: Your kids are listening. If you think about the negative things you say about the other parent, you are talking about 1/2 of your child's DNA.
Kids do not have the resentments and hurt you do. They have a different relationship with that other parent. Its okay to vent, and get support for your single parenting. If you can, keep that conversation out of kids hearing range. You will be glad you did that in the long run

THOUGHT FOR TODAY.Maturity is often defined as the ability to understand and handle situations with wisdom, responsibili...
06/11/2024

THOUGHT FOR TODAY.
Maturity is often defined as the ability to understand and handle situations with wisdom, responsibility, and emotional intelligence. Other breakdowns of maturity includes emotional maturity,
cognitive maturity, social maturity, and ethical maturity. Chosing a more mature response is a daily challenge. Today I will try to see maturity as clarity. To see things a little more clearly, and don't pull the wool over my own eyes and kid ourselves that things are different. The facts are there, and we either accept them or make a change. Maturity helps me take a deep breath and tell myself, all is well. So good to be with you today.

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Fullerton, CA
92831

Opening Hours

Wednesday 9am - 6pm
Saturday 9am - 5pm

Telephone

+17142063900

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Therapy

I have been a licensed therapist since January 4, 1985. I was trained at Chapman University with excellent mentoring from brilliant psychologists and clinicians. I have passed that training along as a supervisor of clinicians for three decades!

I love being a therapist and hope that if you need help you will contact someone who can help you. It can be me or another therapist who knows what it feels like to be overwhelmed, sad or very angry.

Sometimes it can take just a few sessions to sort out all the things that are bothering you. The confidentiality of therapy with a neutral professional might be just what you need. You are welcome to leave a message at marykoconnor@gmail.com. I will contact you shortly.