09/04/2025
Couples Tip #1
This is the first in a series I will share here for couples who want to strengthen their partnerships.
Repair quickly. Within 30 minutes, ideally. Walk away, breathe -- yes, do what you need to do to calm down and not say anything you regret. And then, once your blood pressure has settled and you can think straight, repair. Even if you think *they* are mostly to blame. Still, acknowledge their feelings, acknowledge your impact on them, and apologize for your part.
This act of goodwill goes a long way toward building trust. It shows that, at the end of the day, you are more interested in caring for your partner and your relationship than you are in being right. Your partner ultimately just wants to know and feel your care for them.
Importantly, when we repair quickly (within 30 minutes) rather than waiting days and days, the conflict gets processed in short-term memory rather than stored in long-term memory. The danger when we *don't* resolve confllicts quickly is that they get stored in long-term memory and then we remember the next time our partner has that certain look, that tone, uses that word, etc... and we associate it with the fights from the past. We then feel threatened and go into our animalistic fight/flight/freeze responses, rather than respond to the present moment with fluidity, choice, and ease.
You care for your own mental health and your relationship's long-term sustainability when you choose to repair quickly.
You've got this.
