07/27/2025
Dr. Lu approves this message 👌🏼
When we grow up in toxicity, our identity is coming from abusive parents who weaponize shame. ⠀
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Who they said we were as children became our identity - that's scary. We were bad kids...selfish, or wouldn't amount to much, we should be able to figure it all out on our own, - or worse... we were just like our father or our mother.
They didn’t know us. ⠀
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It's time to drop the identity they gave us. It's bu****it.
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As young children, we didn't know they were narcissists, or had BPD, or had full-blown C-PTSD or something else going on. That was beyond our development.
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If you're like me, I had to just buy what they were selling.
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We didn't have the power to challenge how they saw us. We fought it at times, but had no help. We gave up and became depressed and, like me - started to cope somehow.⠀
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We had to see them right about us because, as my mentor
Amanda Curtin LICSW says, "They had all the power."⠀
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So!⠀
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The toxic boss/ sibling / boyfriend/ girlfriend doesn't have a leg to stand on to tell you who you are, but it's super familiar, right? You were set up. ⠀
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Some journaling prompts:
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1) Do you or have you let toxic people define you for lack of your own healthy identity?⠀
2) In childhood - what was the hypocrisy of your parents in shaming you?⠀(what was their character like)
3) Write about the things you respect about your own character and start a new rule: “I only take in intimate feedback from people whose character I respect.”
