Triangle API

06/16/2020

We are no longer accepting new clients and will be transferring current clients to other organizations.
It’s been wonderful getting to know so many families in the Triangle and wish all our families to have happy and loving futures.

02/25/2020

I had eye surgery yesterday. It may take me a little time to respond to messages while I recover.

Thank you for understanding.

04/10/2019

Being very warm with a child whom you hit rarely makes things better. It can actually make matters worse. It can make a child more, not less, anxious.

Research across many countries shows the childhood anxiety and aggression caused by hitting a child may not fall, and can increase, when mum is very loving.

04/03/2019

“Babies and toddlers have a hugely underdeveloped neocortex in comparison to an adult's brain, this frontal section of the brain, responsible for rational and analytical thought as well as the regulation of emotional responses, means that they do not yet possess the skill of emotional self-regulation, or as the sleep trainers like to call it the skill of 'self-soothing'.

The 'self-soothing' referred to in mainstream books is anything but that, it is a myth - a myth perpetuated to make parents feel better about ignoring their baby's needs.

The real key to boost emotional self-regulation in an infant is to be responsive to him when he needs it, so that in time, when the brain connectivity matures it will hard-wire the pathways necessary for true ‘self-soothing’."

If you're questioning the rightness of your desire to pick up your baby when he cries, or lie beside him as he falls to sleep, read this.

10/26/2018

Researchers look at countries that have prohibited corporal punishment for kids and their rate of youth violence.

10/09/2018

Striving for Balance involves ensuring that everyone's needs -- not just the child's -- are recognized, validated, and met to the greatest extent possible. In an ideal world, every family member's needs are met all the time, everyone is happy and healthy, and the family is perfectly in balance. In the real world, nobody's family life is perfectly balanced all the time. It is not unusual for parents to feel out of balance at times. Parents who practice AP continuously look for creative ways to find balance in their personal and family life.

Balance is the Foundation Upon Which Attachment Grows

When in balance, family members are more able to be emotionally responsive
The best defense for feeling isolated is to look outward to create a support network in the local community

The child's needs must be a priority, and the younger the child, the more intense and immediate his needs. Even so, he is one piece of the complete family picture that also includes the needs of the parents as individuals and as a couple, siblings, plus the family as a whole

Practical Tips for Maintaining Balance

Enjoy today, and accept that having a child changes things
Set realistic goals
Put people before things
Don't be afraid to say "no"
Turn "unpleasant" parental duties into enjoyable ones
Be creative in finding ways to spend couple time
Take time for yourself
Use a "mother's helper"
Eat healthy foods
Exercise regularly
Take naps
Take care of yourself
Avoid over-scheduling
Look for ways to make routine tasks easier
Get out of the house
Follow your heart and listen to your baby

Tips for Supporting New Mothers

A new mother can become so involved in the care of her infant that she doesn't recognize her own needs until she is in emotional or physical trouble.

Be patient and sensitive
Say something appreciative about each other every day
Be grateful
Be an empathetic listener
Tips for Balance and the Older Child

Bring a friend or mother's helper to activities
Avoid over-scheduling
Spend time just being together
Develop family traditions
Have parent-child "dates"
Create family nights
Rekindle hobbies and interests

Tips for Dealing with Parent "Burn-Out"

Recognize the symptoms of burn-out. Burn-out is a physical, emotional, and mental response to high levels of stress. Parents may feel relentlessly fatigued, strained, and physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted. They may also feel overworked, under-appreciated, angry, resentful, powerless, hopeless, drained, frustrated, detached, anti-social, unsatisfied, resentful, like a failure, indifferent, and lacking motivation. Parents who feel their emotions are taking over should get help immediately!

Make regaining balance a priority TODAY
Cultivate friendships with other AP parents
Simplify and let go of unnecessary things
Take frequent deep breaths
Use yoga, meditation, or visualization
Consider professional counseling
Remember that "this too shall pass"

09/25/2018

No mother wants their baby to develop jaundice, but it turns out that they should probably be grateful.

09/19/2018

Even if smokers don’t light up in the presence of children, residue on objects can cause harm.

08/25/2018

Researchers found that students who were parented harshly in seventh grade were more likely in ninth grade to say their peer group was more important than other responsibilities, including following parents' rules. This in turn led them to engage in more risky behaviors in eleventh grade, including more frequent early sexual behavior in females and greater delinquency (e.g., hitting, stealing) in males. These behaviors, in turn, led to low educational achievement (as assessed by years of school completed) three years after high school, meaning that youth who were parented harshly were more likely to drop out of high school or college. Parenting influenced educational outcomes even after accounting for socioeconomic status, standardized test scores, grade point average, and educational values.

"Youth whose needs aren't met by their primary attachment figures may seek validation from peers," explains Hentges. "This may include turning to peers in unhealthy ways, which may lead to increased aggression and delinquency, as well as early sexual behavior at the expense of long-term goals such as education."

Children exposed to harsh parenting are at greater risk of having poor school outcomes, a new study of 1,482 students in Maryland has found.

06/07/2018

As children head into their teen / young adult years it’s important to help them understand their are groups that will not have their best interests at heart. That seemingly great friend is really just bait to get more people involved.

Knowing what to look for when it comes to toxic group mentality and cult like behaviors can empower them.

Not all cults are based around any religion. (This list is copied, source noted at the end)

Do not try to take on the situation yourself if you see the signs. It can only exasperate things. There are agencies that can help.

***

* The group is focused on a living leader to whom members seem to display excessively zealous, unquestioning commitment.

* The group is preoccupied with bringing in new members.

* The group is preoccupied with making money.

* Questioning, doubt, and dissent are discouraged or even punished.

* Mind-numbing techniques are used to suppress doubts about the group and its leader[s].

* The leadership dictates -sometimes in great detail- how members should think, act and feel.

* The group is elitist, claiming a special, exalted status for itself, its leaders and members.

* The group has a polarized us-versus-them mentality, which causes conflict with the wider society.

* The group’s leader is not accountable to any authorities.

* The group teaches or implies that its supposedly exalted ends justify means that members would have considered unethical before joining the group.

* The leadership induces feeling of guilt in members in order to control them.

* Members’ subservience to the group causes them to cut ties with family, friends, and personal group goals and activities that were of interest before joining the group.

* Members are expected to devote inordinate amounts of time to the group.

* Members are encouraged or required to live and/or socialize only with other group members.

(This list was composed a couple of decades ago and has become a classic, widely quoted, as in Captive Hearts, Captive Minds, Freedom and Recovery from Cults and Abusive Relationships by Landau-Tobias & Lalich, Hunter Press, 1994, Appendix, pp 276-7)

03/28/2018

A child with an empty tank will do anything he can to fill it. Here are ways to fill your child's tank by creating a strong connection.

03/27/2018

New mothers may be told by books and doctors that they'll be back to 'normal' within six weeks of giving birth, but a new study has found that most women take much longer to recover.

12/10/2017

Parents who believe in "spare the rod, spoil the child" might be setting their children up to become violent toward future partners, according to a new study.

11/14/2017

Attachment Parenting has proven benefits, but it is often stereotyped as a way to "spoil" children. Here's a list of what Attachment Parenting isn't:

10/24/2017

Tools for Positive Discipline

Maintain a positive relationship
Use empathy and respect
Research positive discipline
Understand the unmet need
Work out a solution together
Be proactive
Understand the child's developmental abilities
Create a "yes" environment
Discipline through play
Change things up
State facts rather than making demands
Avoid labeling
Make requests in the affirmative
Allow natural consequences
Use care when offering praise
Use time-in rather than time-out
Use time-in as a parent, too
Talk to a child before intervening
Don't force apologies
Comfort the hurt child first
Offer choices
Be sensitive to strong emotions
Consider carefully before imposing the parent's will
Use logical consequences sparingly and with compassion
Use incentives creatively with older children

10/24/2017

Toddlers need to learn limits in a warm, loving way, including that hitting or taking toys is not something that we do.

There are many ways to help toddlers learn this without yelling or hitting or being harsh.

Gently removing her from the situation and explaining what is appropriate is a first step, if she is old enough to understand.

If not, try substitution and distraction. Sharing is something that children learn, and often by our example. It’s also not always necessary.

For some children, removing the favorite toys before others come over can help. There are many good books on disciplining without yelling or hitting that might help you discover the best way to teach your child.

When your child acts out in these ways, she may be trying to communicate to you that her "emotional tank" is empty or that she is feeling stressed out.

In other words, she may be asking for a little more one-on-one attention. Try reducing your activities and spend some time alone reading, playing, or talking. You may be surprised how quickly this fulfills her needs and calms her down.

Babies and toddlers require more attention from their parents, not peers and for some it creates a sensory overload causing them to act out.

10/24/2017

The following is a condensed version of this Principle. If you have questions about this Principle or how to apply it to your family situation, please contact an API Leader near you or post your comments and questions to API's forums. You can build the foundation of trust and empathy by understandin...

10/20/2017

Timeouts—just like spanking, shaming, and ridicule—make kids’ problems worse.