04/26/2022
A text I sent to my therapist today🤍(…I haven’t seen her for a few years but she kept coming to my mind and I felt a desire to let her know her impact on me) 💕 I also felt also inspired to share here…:
“You’ve come to my mind several times this week. I’ve felt overwhelmed as I think about my past self, crying on the couch to you. So broken and so lost. I’ve thought about the counsel and guidance you gave me in some of my darkest hours of infertility. I’m moved deeply in thinking back about your unexpected love and commitment to me and my healing journey.
You’ve crossed my mind as I hold my baby girl and love on her and recognize that she is God’s and I’m lucky enough to be entrusted with her by Him. You taught me to get to a place where I could say like Shadrach, Mashack and Abendego (bible story changed for applying to my story) “If God chooses to give me a baby in this lifetime, so be it. But IF NOT… I will still choose him”. Because of your care, I got to a place where I felt peace that passeth understanding and yet my problems weren’t gone. I shifted my focus from my infertility challenges to focus on my Savior, Jesus Christ and trusting him, truly. And now I hold my baby, knowing and trusting that God didn’t have to give me a baby in this lifetime, but he did. And I’m not taking it for granted. She blew out her diaper the other day and I celebrated! 🤣 I caught myself saying in the recorded video I took to commemorate, “I’ve waited 7 years for a moment like this! I’m so happy!” 🤣 the coolest part about it all is when people get to meet her, they feel God’s love because she is a miracle…A living, breathing miracle! Most cry upon meeting her and she has the calmness and presence, even as a 6 month old, to expand with them and help them feel more of God’s love. It’s humbling to watch. I would not have been ready if she came a second sooner into my life. God has a plan for each of us. I’m grateful he never gave up on me by giving me my desires of having a baby sooner. This trial was necessary for me and I’m grateful he loves me enough to have let me go through it.”
Still grateful for Every. Single. Second. Of a heartbeat! 💕💕