Choices Counseling and Coaching, Inc

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07/05/2020

Just Sayin’
Parents Getting Real

THE CALL

“All schools will be canceled for the two weeks leading up to Spring Break…” the message said. We received the recorded message on the afternoon of Friday, March 13. So I did what every responsible parent would do - I hightailed it to Binny's. I put an order online and before my son could walk in the door at 2:30 pm I had stocked my freezer with Belvedere Vodka and Casamigos Reposado. Wasn’t going into this extended Spring Break unprepared!

THE STORM

So life took a u-turn for our five boys. My college son was home on Spring Break when his classes went online and he never went back to school. My senior - this was a never-ending ditch day for him! My freshman - super happy - no more school, his grades couldn’t go down! My younger two kids were excited for the three weeks off, although they didn’t really completely grasp the enormity of what was happening.

The emotions in our house ranged from fear to “this can’t happen to me I’m young!” I had spent the weeks leading up to this stating I am not a “panic sort of person” and then started to regret my words as panic started to creep in. Life all of a sudden was out of control. We didn’t see our families, work became more stressful. Everyone was home - all the time.

To say there was no structure would be an understatement. The kids were playing video games more than normal, watched Netflix and stayed up late. I finally reconciled that their lives were in disarray so we gave them flexibility with their usual structure. It was a three week Spring Break (which lasted three months) sans friends. Two of the boys were working, which in itself was a source of anxiety. When they got home we put their clothes in garbage bags and they went straight in the shower. The little kids stayed in - playing video games mostly. On a nice day they shot baskets outside. Everyone slept late and moved in slow motion. Where were we going anyway?

When e-learning started, a small amount of structure was put in place. The kids had to be up and at the table at 10:00 am ready to do their work. They set their alarms, had zoom meetings with teachers and finished their assignments. Once that was done they were free to do as they wished within reason. They cleaned (a lot) and did some projects. We didn’t know what the future would hold, but in the mist of all the confusion and fear, a silver lining slowly appeared.

THE RAINBOW

Instead of most of us eating dinner at 4:00 pm before running off to baseball or basketball, dinner was at 6:00 pm with our whole family. Two of my boys honed their cooking skills, even going so far as to take breakfast orders in the morning. Dinner was more extensive as we had time to prepare it. They cleaned (not always willingly), did their laundry and asked “mom do you need anything?” before they moved on to their next activity. My two oldest experienced the real world as the grocery stores had many online orders due to fear and my son who works in a restaurant saw people he cares about struggle and try to survive during the shut down. My son in college was now home and my high school senior spent more time with us than he would have - had life been the same. This was time I would never get back - and for that, I am grateful.

So many lives were turned upside down and a lot of lives were lost or forever changed. Financially some people will not survive. And the loneliness some experienced was overwhelming. I read somewhere that we were all in the same storm but not in the same boat. This could not be more true. However, for us, this emergency brought us back to the way things were, as a family, around the table. We sat around talking and laughing. If the laundry didn’t get done, there was always tomorrow. We watched movies with the boys and played board games. Going to school, travel sports and hanging out with friends couldn’t happen. But the one thing we were left with was time. Time for each other, to sit around and chat, to read a book uninterrupted. To just be - together.

By Gina Gattuso

Photos by Ryan Susan Thorne-Devin

07/05/2020

“BACK TO THE FUTURE?”
Face to Face
This week we will be returning to the office for ‘face to face’ sessions. I like face to face because I get to see the whole person and it feels so much more natural and organic to sit in the same room with a familiar person and process life’s difficulties. The office will look a little different after these three months. There will be only 2 chairs in the waiting room, no drinking water fountain, paper cups, new consent forms and waivers to sign, hand sanitizer everywhere, and disinfecting sprays and wipes. As we attempt to rid ourselves and our environment of this intrusive virus we will be losing a little of the intimacy we have come to know. No more hugs – at least for now, no handshakes, no personal proximity, etc. These will be sorely missed by me!
WHO HAS BEEN AFFECTED
These past few months I have seen people affected at every stage of life:
• Infancy and toddler-hood – staying indoors, loss of connection with extended family, parents home 24/7
• Early childhood – missing friends, hugs, the socialization that school provides, confusing on-line school, loss of precious brain growth time for learning.
• School age children – mothers are teachers? Loss of friend time, sports, lessons, parks, etc
• Middle school and High school – need I say anything more? Suddenly they can sleep in, boredom, lack of activities, anxiety about future plans (college, sports, arts, etc.)
• College students – suddenly loss of social network without goodbyes, no graduations, lack of direction from professors about future plans, moving home after just getting used to independence, etc….
• New graduates – tenuous job market, no guidance from professors, advisors.
• Cancelled events - weddings, showers, reunions,.
• Parents – home schooling while working from home, technology, meal planning
• Married or Single – too much time with one person, too much time alone!
• Elderly – the hardest hit of our life span with fear of the virus, losing friends, isolation in residential settings, loss of activities and schedule
UNKNOWN NEW NORMAL
None of us have escaped huge disruptions to our lives. We may find ourselves frustrated, a little depressed for the losses incurred and now the unknown new normal can cause us anxiety. Please reach out if you feel you need some help and we can process these emotions together. They say “We are in this together” yet, it often feels like we are alone.
How will we navigate without hugs, handshakes and masks in our office? One day at a time – but at least it’s a start. We all need to be kind to ourselves, kind to each other and trust our own intuition about our health and safety. This is our “future” and we will find our way!
Hope to see you soon – either in person or through the screen!!!!
Susan

06/19/2020

We are currently offering tele-mental health services due to the COVID crisis. Most of our therapists are certified in tele-mental health, which is simply counseling through phone, computer or video. We offer these services over a secure HIPAA compliant platform and are able to provide therapy and counseling from the comfort of your own home. This mode of delivery has many advantages in saving travel time, providing a safe environment during this pandemic.

As of June 8, 2020 we are also back in the office providing face to face sessions while following CDC and Illinois Health Department guidelines.