08/08/2025
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5 things I didn’t learn in death doula courses (and a few I did)
Disclaimer: nothing but respect and gratitude for my teachers and mentors. This is not a critique of the wealth of information that has been shared with me and other students through my many classes taught by various instructors, simply an expansion.
1. An authentic social media presence will be more fruitful than a ‘consistently branded’ one. When I took a death doula ‘business’ course so much of the content was just about being consistent on social media and how it looked visually to create a cohesive brand. While marketing and social media can be incredible tools for making connections, sharing educational content, and building relationships with other death care workers, being honest and transparent will lead to higher quality connections. Death is not perfectly curated and your ‘social media presence’ doesn’t need to be either- especially if it comes at the expense of you being genuine.
If you are pursuing death doula work “full-time,” seriously consider your health care options
2. If you are living in the U.S., among other places, healthcare isn’t affordable and it can be even more unattainable if you are self-employed. A lot of (but not all) death doula courses operate under the assumption that their students are non-disabled and often guidance or even reminders to thoroughly research and evaluate your health care options are minor or non-existent. This isn’t meant to dissuade your pursuit of death care work, it is to ensure you are taken care of as well.
3. If a death doula course or instructor totes a particular politically aware approach but they cannot recognize their own complicity or agency in harmful structures, that will show up in the material.
4. Sometimes other people in the death care space will annoy you
Death care workers are all different, disagreement, texture, and friction come with the territory of being in community with one another. If someone is rubbing you the wrong way it is important to consider if this is over an important point, or if you’re simply annoyed. You don’t need to be best friends with everyone AND you don’t need to be in community with anyone who denies your or others humanity.
5. You will make a mistake. I’m not talking about a serious ethical or moral misstep, just a mistake. No matter how prepared you think you are, no matter how organized, diligent, or present, you are a human being. A ‘perfect’ death doula practice is not possible. Maybe you will say something and look back years later and wish you had worded it differently, maybe you will take a job that your gut says you shouldn’t and it will result in you being mistreated. Whatever the case, you will make some form of a mistake and you need to learn how to take responsibility for your role in it, repair any harm, learn, and forgive yourself.
And some things I did learn from death doula courses:
You have been training for this your whole life.
Your pre-existing skills and interests (art making, event planning, accounting, teaching) will serve you in end-of-life care.
Community and peer support is priceless.
Your death care practice will look different than anyone else’s- good for you and good for them!
If you are accepting financial payments for your services, put 30% of that away for taxes.
Regulations vary from place to place, invest in researching what local regulations look like.
It’s okay to say no.
What are some things you learned in your death doula courses and what are some things you think should be included that weren’t?
