11/22/2024
This Year Will Be Different
A week from today is Thanksgiving, and if your heart is shattered, you may be feeling like you have nothing to be thankful about. Maybe this is your first Thanksgiving without someone you love, and you may be trying to figure out how to still make it special for your family.
Or maybe you may be dreading it all together.
Whatever your situation, start by doing an inventory. Not of what’s in your pantry, but of your heart.
Holidays are hard when you’re grieving, for a lot of reasons: the traditions we keep, the people we see, the meanings behind the day.
Go through Thanksgiving Day, or the whole weekend, in your mind. Write down what normally happens and who you’ll see. What triggers will you face? What will be comforting about it and what will be hard?
Here’s the thing…whatever your ‘normal’ routine is, go easy on yourself, knowing that this year will be different.
Even if you do everything the same way, your loved one will still be missing. But you don’t have to do it the same way.
Go back to your inventory and think about the triggers. Will you be able to handle being around children, parents, or other couples? Will making the same dishes as always bring you comfort, or will it be painful in the wake of missing your person?
Give yourself permission to do things differently if you need to, without the fear that you’ll be disappointing someone if you do.
If you’re at a large family gathering, find a place where you can get away and have an escape plan. Park your car at the end of the driveway to make a quick getaway.
Before you do anything ask yourself, “will doing this make me feel better, or will doing this make me feel worse?”
Remember…it’s okay to make other plans, start new traditions, or just do nothing at all.
Do what works for you!
If Thanksgiving feels like a punch in the gut this year, try to think of at least one thing you have to be thankful for, not because you have to, not because you need to get over your grief, but because in the end, focusing on the good in our lives is what brings us healing and peace.
If you’re finding it hard to think of something…you can be thankful for their life.
And how that life…added so much love to yours.
Gary Sturgis - “Surviving Grief”
