Relationship Solutions

07/23/2023

I find in my counseling practice that people who struggle with perfectionism are often trying to prove their value to someone, whether it be family, friend, acquaintance, or themselves. Consider a child who is told that he/she is a "wimp." He/she might likely try to prove otherwise by becoming a great athlete or do something really amazing. But even as a great athlete, he/she will never feel safe where they are at. They will always be trying to prove they are "not a wimp." However kids are told that they are "less than," they might spend a great deal of energy the rest of their lives trying to prove otherwise. When in fact, no one needs to be convinced they have great value except for the person themselves. Ironic!

07/15/2023

Start the conversation with understanding and appreciating their point of view, then explain what you think and how you feel. It might seem unnecessary, but you will probably like the results! I'm offering programs for couples to help reduce the fighting and help them connect again. (it's my first teaching video, be nice lol)

07/13/2023

https://youtu.be/jvujypVVBAY
This doesn't work! (obviously;) But how many of you try to create change in your life by talking to yourself like Bob Newhart talked to this woman? It doesn't seem like change should be so hard, but unless you slow it down and do some inner work, change can be very difficult to accomplish. And even if yelling at yourself gets a few things done, I wonder how that makes you feel about you? Feel free to post comments below or ask questions.

For more information visit: https://mindsetrevolution.org. This simple sketch is both funny and informative. My coaching is a little more nuanced that this, ...

07/13/2023

Deep thoughts for deep thinkers cont'd - An example of our pre-formed conclusions getting in our way towards productive change, here's one thought process...wanting to exercise more, "get motivated, make a plan, buy new running shoes;) Succeed one time, the next time it rains, after that, a thought in your head says "it's not the end of the world if you skip one more time, and it hardly makes a real difference in your life if you run anyway", then before you know it, your procrastinating lazy part wins the internal conversation. Building internal self-awareness and learning a new way to talk with yourself can take you from having good intentions to actually achieving real change in your life.

07/13/2023

Deep thoughts for deep thinkers - One of the biggest things that gets in the way of personal growth and change are the conclusions that we've come to already about life, people, our partners and ourselves. Those "already formed" conclusions can keep us stuck when we try to form solutions to the challenges we have in our lives. As you try to think your way toward change, notice how those conclusions bombard you with barriers to that desired change. There is a way to step outside of this cycle. It has to do with interacting with your internal parts(weird as that may sound).

07/04/2023

There's a helpful rule in communicating well with others, and it says to try and avoid using the words NEVER and ALWAYS when trying to make your point with someone. If you tell that person, they NEVER do a chore, or they're ALWAYS late(or do some bad behavior), their defensiveness will kick up and disqualify your criticism by remembering the time they did do it right! You think you're making your point more effectively by using NEVER and ALWAYS, when in fact you are shooting yourself in the foot! Better to say, "it seems like you are late quite often", or "it seems more than not, I have to remind you to do that chore." Don't go for the throat with your criticism! Make the statement more honest so you can achieve better communication, and then, in turn, better results. Try it on for size.

04/28/2023

04/19/2023

I utilized a little fear of failure coupled with a desire to be healthy and in shape and successfully ran 14 miles in the last week and a half:) It's interesting to me how many thoughts/distractions that can get me off task and away from the hard thing to do. Different distractions magically pop up in my head when I suggest the idea of doing something painful like running.

04/03/2023

If feeling bad was the way to fix your problems, you'd probably already be fixed! So, maybe let's try a different way?

04/03/2023

Who do you know that is struggling with too much fighting in their relationships? Did you know that I have a unique process to help people overcome the barriers that keep them stuck in fighting and achieve a happier connection with their partner by learning a new language to navigate their internal experience? If that describes you or someone you know, please send me a private message and perhaps I can help.

04/03/2023