11/10/2016
So let’s talk heckling . . .
If you’re a new to cyclocross, you’ve heard about it. If you’re an experienced racer, you’ve been on the receiving end, and probably dished it out a time or two as well.
Nobody seems to know exactly when heckling became de rigueur, but it’s relatively recent, and it seems to be mostly an American thing. ‘Cross in America seems to be much more of a ‘counter-culture” event than it is in Europe, which may have a lot to do with it.
Heckling, at its finest, is an art form. At its worst, it’s akin to being around a bunch of drunken NFL fans while wearing the visiting team’s jersey. Any idiot can spew out “you suck!” when someone rides by, but there’s no beauty there -- only ugliness. A heckling aficionado, however, seeks a higher plane – a well-timed and well-reasoned bon mot that not only makes fellow spectators laugh, but gets a smile from the targeted rider as well.
With that in mind, we present a few guidelines to make everyone’s heckling experience a positive one.
1) Fast riders get heckled, slower riders get encouraged. Those running up in the front of the pack are fair game; mid-packers can be selectively heckled, and back-of-the-packers should be off-limits unless it’s a friend. Making fun of the riders struggling in the back (again, unless it’s a friend) is like pulling the wings off a fly – it’s cruel and unnecessary. They’re suffering enough; an upbeat “keep pushing!” is apropos for this situation.
2) Don’t work “blue.” ‘Cross is a family event, so profanity isn’t cool. Muster those brain cells and come up with something funny *and* clean.
3) Don’t go for the obvious. If the rider looks like a sausage in his Lycra, this probably isn’t the time to point that out. However, a well-aimed “those shorts make your butt look big” has it’s time and place, but again, you might save that for someone you know well. And who has a skinny butt.
4) Don’t pick on the kids unless you’re a kid. Seriously, this should just be common sense, but don’t heckle the Juniors unless you’re the same age or younger.
Here’s a few old-standards to get the creative juices flowing:
“Just like that . . . only faster!”
To the first few riders in a group: “Looking good, looking good, looking good!” and to the last rider in the group: “You, not so much . . . “
To the *really* tired looking rider late in the race: “Looking good – only six laps to go!”
“You do know the race has started, right?”
“Ride Forest, ride!”
Feel free to respond to this post with a few of your favorites, but remember: save your best material for race day!
