02/19/2025
In January of 2016, the editors at O magazine put me and 9 other women in perfect hair and makeup and gorgeous dresses for 2 long shooting days. We all looked and felt amazing. Then, in the last few hours of the second day, they put us in these bodysuits. The bodysuits left nothing to the imagination. I felt so exposed and uncomfortable. I can remember sitting there in the bodysuit with a robe over it, terrified to remove it. When the magazine came out, I was queasy thinking about how this shot was the one they chose to highlight instead of the fabulous red dress shot they had also taken.
Fast forward 9 years and my relationship with my own body has shifted and morphed. Partly because of the physical training but also because of the mental and spiritual work that helps to quiet the evil, fat shaming voice in my head.
Last week, I bought this body suit to work out in for comfort and I wore it for the first time today. I laughed at myself realizing that I had willingly and excitedly put it on! 🤣 I decided I had to try to recreate the shot they had gotten that day.
A few things are striking to me as I look at this shot. 1. FYI, I'm 10 lbs heavier on the right! Muscle really does weigh more than fat, huh?
2. Am I happier, more confident, more sure of myself? Yes, yes and yes.
3. The most important difference? I did not give one solitary eff what I looked like at the gym. I was comfortable in my own skin and the bodysuit gave me the freedom to move the way I wanted to.
I don't know if I will ever really be able to completely quiet that stupid voice in my head but I'm posting this with the hope that someday, I will.
