Barbara Bear, Psy.D. Psychological Services

09/28/2025

In an age defined by "analysis paralysis," the sheer number of choices—from which career to pursue to which jam to buy—can feel crippling. Mikael Krogerus and Roman Tschäppeler’s The Decision Book offers a radical solution, not by providing answers, but by giving you the right questions. This book's central paradox is that the best way to regain control over complex decisions is to systematize the chaos using simple, elegant visual models.

The Decision Book: Fifty Models for Strategic Thinking is a highly accessible, concise, and visually engaging guide that distills fifty of the most essential psychological, strategic, and philosophical models used in business, planning, and personal development. Each model—ranging from well-known concepts like Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs to niche tools like the Swiss Cheese Model—is presented on a single, illustrated page with a brief explanation of what it is, when to use it, and what its limitations are. The authors' core argument is that by classifying and visualizing a problem using these frameworks, readers can gain immediate clarity, overcome emotional bias, and ultimately make better, faster decisions in both their professional and personal lives.

Key Takeaways (10 Lessons from the Book):

1. The Power of Visualization: The book emphasizes that converting complex problems into simple, visual models (charts, matrices, and diagrams) immediately reduces cognitive load and reveals underlying structures that text alone often hides.

2. Every Problem Fits a Framework: The authors demonstrate that regardless of the domain, every decision can be categorized into one of four key categories: Decision Making, Understanding Yourself, Understanding Others, or Improving Yourself, making the right tool easily accessible.

3. Use the Eisenhower Matrix to Prioritize: This famous model helps readers differentiate between tasks that are Urgent and those that are Important. The key lesson is to focus most of your energy on tasks that are Important but Not Urgent (planning and prevention).

4. Embrace the World Café for Group Consensus: The book introduces a simple model for facilitating large-group discussion by breaking participants into small, rotating table groups. The lesson is that structured, iterative conversation is more effective for generating consensus than a single, large debate.

5. Understand the Limits of Personal Capacity (The Swiss Cheese Model): Originally used for risk management in aviation, this model illustrates that failures (accidents, mistakes) happen only when multiple layers of defense/prevention (the "slices of cheese") align imperfectly, teaching the need for redundancy in planning.

6. Avoid the Decision-Making Pitfall of Confirmation Bias: By applying models that force you to consider opposing viewpoints or counter-arguments, the book helps you recognize and overcome the natural human tendency to seek out only information that confirms what you already believe.

7. The Black Swan Event is Real: Drawing on Nassim Nicholas Taleb's model, the book reminds readers that highly improbable, high-impact events are inevitable. The lesson is not to predict them, but to build resilience and robustness into your plans to withstand the unpredictable.

8. Know Your Motivations (Maslow's Hierarchy): The hierarchy helps readers understand that true fulfillment and complex decisions (Self-Actualization) cannot be properly addressed until foundational needs (like Safety and Belonging) are met, linking basic psychology to decision quality.

9. Use the "Projective Technique" for Self-Understanding: This psychological model involves imagining how a fictional character or a respected figure would solve your problem. This simple technique provides emotional distance and frees you from personal biases, leading to clearer solutions.

10. The Pareto Principle (80/20 Rule) for Efficiency: The book teaches that roughly 80% of the results come from only 20% of the effort. The practical lesson is to ruthlessly identify and focus on the critical 20% of activities that yield the highest return.

The major themes of The Decision Book are cognitive clarity, strategic simplification, and overcoming emotional bias. The authors' approach is highly effective due to its strict one-page, one-model format, which forces brevity and emphasizes utility over theory. The tone is smart, pragmatic, and encourages immediate application. The book functions less as a traditional self-help book and more as a mental toolkit—a portable reference guide that empowers readers to select the right diagnostic lens for any situation. Its core message is that by mastering a repertoire of decision models, you transition from being overwhelmed by complexity to becoming an architect of clear, intentional choices.

BOOK: https://amzn.to/4ntnw7g

You can ENJOY the AUDIOBOOK for FREE (When you register for Audible Membership Trial) using the same link above.

58 illustrations

08/22/2025

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/up-and-running/202405/an-old-time-depression-remedy-that-really-works?utm_source=FacebookPost&utm_medium=FBPost&utm_campaign=FBPost&fbclid=IwQ0xDSwMVSSJleHRuA2FlbQIxMQABHlsB303S_3P0owSsqOT8ZFFJJLiHl3ElCbhBKRH2sN8TT7BVJDH0Mc0HSOIS_aem_NHTExJ50DramdP9U9r3t_A

How to engage the effort-driven rewards circuit.

07/17/2025

“The Workplace Scapegoat”

A common role in many unhealthy organizations is the “Workplace Scapegoat.”

You may feel victimized, and in many cases, you are. Here’s how it often unfolds:

You’re a respected team lead. A new senior leader arrives to align strategy. Before taking time to understand your work, they begin challenging your ideas, initially with subtle dismissals, followed by more direct critiques.

In private meetings, they raise concerns about team metrics. They repeat the phrase, "We’re in the red," without offering context or acknowledging shared accountability. The implication is quiet but clear: you are to blame.

You’re moved into a role with less authority. Meetings disappear. Your team is reassigned to other managers. You’re still in the organization but your influence fades.

Colleagues interact with you as if nothing’s changed, but they stop asking for your input. Conversations feel shallow. You can’t tell if they notice what’s happening or are deliberately avoiding it.

Your boss grows distant, rerouting key decisions through others just below her. You’re not told you’ve failed, just slowly pushed out of relevance.

Nothing is said or official, but everything’s different.

You start asking yourself the question: Am I the scapegoat?

Symbolically, the scapegoat is the symbol of accountability-averse communities. It occurs when the true source of anger goes unpunished, and people shift their aggression elsewhere1. It is the darkness that a group refuses to integrate by avoiding the underlying source of the transgression or protecting it. The scapegoat becomes the vessel through which the group attempts to purify itself by projection.

In a modern workplace or family, a scapegoat is someone unfairly blamed for problems, mistakes, or conflict. They are used to avoid accountability or confront uncomfortable truths. They absorb not the sins of the group, but its stress, dysfunction, and unspoken tension. They become the lightning rod for everything unresolvable in the system. It destroys the vessel instead of transforming the system.

This role often serves to maintain the status quo or deflect attention away from deeper dysfunction. The scapegoat is frequently singled out as the problem, regardless of their actual behaviour or contributions.

Scapegoating arises from a mix of individual traits, group behaviour, and organisational culture, rather than from a single catalyst. Recognizing these patterns can help mitigate the risk of becoming or perpetuating scapegoating in the workplace.

Many people assume that being scapegoated is the result of personal conflict or communication breakdown. But more often, it is a structural outcome of working within a fragile system—one that perceives discomfort as a threat rather than a signal. Fragile systems prioritise control, emotional containment, and assimilation. They do not metabolize difference well. Insight, care, or principled dissent is seen as disruption, rather than the provision of valuable input.

If you have experienced this and need help, I am here for you. Contact me at drbear@drbarbarabear.com.

07/14/2025

Excited to begin my 3rd year with PSYPACT!

The Psychology Interjurisdictional Compact (PSYPACT®) is an interstate compact designed to facilitate the practice of telepsychology and the temporary in-person, face-to-face practice of psychology across state boundaries. The PSYPACT Commission is the governing body of PSYPACT responsible for crea...

07/11/2025

🚨 Calling all coaches: Are you equipped to support neurodivergent clients?
Join us on July 14th for a dynamic 90-minute session with neuroinclusion coach and consultant Hayley Brackley, designed to elevate how you coach in the context of neurodivergence.

🔹 Learn a simple strengths-and-struggles framework
🔹 Gain practical, ready-to-use strategies
🔹 Build real confidence in creating inclusive coaching spaces

Expect a hands-on, affirming session with tools you can apply immediately!

📍 Live at the Center for Creative Leadership Greensboro and on Zoom
🕘 9-11a EST

Learn more register at the link in the comments 👉

07/07/2025

The Silent Crisis: Exploitation of Autistic and Neurodivergent People

Autistic and neurodivergent individuals—regardless of IQ, support needs, or outward presentation—face an alarmingly high risk of exploitation. Sexual assault, financial abuse, trafficking, online scams…the statistics are staggering.

🔹 Why is this population so vulnerable?

One major factor is honesty. Many autistic people struggle with theory of mind; they don’t instinctively consider that others may have hidden motives. If they are honest, they assume others are too. Why would someone say one thing and mean another? That’s not how they operate—but sadly, that’s how much of the world does.

💡 The Numbers are Gut-Wrenching

➡️ 90% of autistic women have been victims of sexual violence, with 75% experiencing multiple assaults (Cazalis et al., 2022).
➡️ Two-thirds of these assaults occurred before adulthood.
➡️ Autistic girls are nearly three times more likely to be sexually assaulted than neurotypical peers (Psychology Today, 2022).

And it’s not just sexual violence. Financial exploitation is rampant. Many autistic and ADHD individuals have been scammed, catfished, or manipulated into giving away money or resources. Impulsivity, literal thinking, and trust make them prime targets.

I’ve personally fallen for scams and high-pressure sales tactics—not because I’m unintelligent or autistic, but because I trusted people meant what they said. Many in the neurodivergent community have more severe stories of being scammed and pressured into high pressure sales tactics.

💻 Online predators know this. They target those who are more isolated, who seek connection, and who take words at face value.

🔹 Why does this keep happening?

Autistic individuals often don’t filter social interactions like neurotypicals. They read the lines, not between the lines. Masking—hiding differences to fit in—can ironically make them more vulnerable. And acquiescence (“Yes-Man Syndrome”) becomes a survival strategy for avoiding conflict or harm.

🛑 This is how predators manipulate and silence neurodivergent people.

💡 The Path to Healing

Many don’t process trauma until much later in life—often because they’ve been gaslit to believe “it wasn’t that bad,” or because their nervous systems block out what’s too overwhelming.

🔑 Early diagnosis is critical. It’s not about labeling—it’s about self-awareness, understanding vulnerabilities, and staying safe. Forewarned is forearmed.

💛 A Call to Action

Neurodivergent people need safe spaces to be themselves without fear of exploitation. They need community, education, and professionals who truly understand how their minds work.

If you’ve been exploited—financially, sexually, or emotionally—you are not alone.

✨ I see you. I hear you. I am you. And I’m here to help.

07/06/2025

https://www.linkedin.com/posts/travisbradberry_people-underestimate-the-influence-their-activity-7347236565452009473-GEuk?utm_medium=ios_app&rcm=ACoAAAAeHicB__bl10mivpkOxsegtQ3kripiKMo&utm_source=social_share_video_v2&utm_campaign=copy_link

People underestimate the influence their boss has on their mental and physical health. One great boss can rewrite someone's story. One bad one can quietly unravel it. That’s the real power of leadership. Here are four things I'd like you to take away from this quote: 🔹 1. Work is person...

06/15/2025

https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2024/03/teen-childhood-smartphone-use-mental-health-effects/677722/?utm_source=copy-link&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=share

The environment in which kids grow up today is hostile to human development.

06/14/2025

Understanding the difference between clinical terms and casual language is critically important.

Words have power. When used accurately, they foster understanding, validate lived experiences, and offer strength to those who are struggling. But when terms related to abuse, trauma, or mental illness are misused or thrown around casually, we unintentionally diminish their meaning—and the reality of those living through these experiences.

Mislabeling everyday frustrations as “trauma,” calling someone “bipolar” or “OCD” without clinical context, or using terms like “gaslighting” or “narcissist” incorrectly can trivialize serious issues. This can prevent true victims from being heard, supported, or taken seriously. If everything is gaslighting, how will someone in a genuinely abusive relationship find the words to explain what’s happening?

That’s why it’s so important to use mental health and abuse-related terminology with care and accuracy. Doing so helps us better recognize and respond to real signs of trauma, mental illness, and abuse when they occur.

Please be mindful when using terms such as: bipolar, narcissist, gaslighting, trauma, triggered, intrusive thoughts, schizophrenic, OCD, PTSD, and similar language. These are not just buzzwords—they refer to legitimate conditions, diagnoses, and experiences.

Let’s honor those who are truly suffering by preserving the weight and meaning of their words. Misuse doesn’t just dilute language—it risks silencing the very people who need to be heard most.

05/19/2025

"Emotional Intelligence Habits" by Travis Bradberry provides readers with actionable strategies to enhance their emotional intelligence (EQ). The book emphasizes the importance of developing emotional intelligence for personal and professional success, offering insights into recognizing and managing emotions effectively. Here are ten key lessons and insights from the book:

1. Understanding Emotional Intelligence: Bradberry defines emotional intelligence as the ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions while also recognizing and influencing the emotions of others. This foundational understanding sets the stage for developing EQ habits.

2. Self-Awareness is Crucial: The author emphasizes the importance of self-awareness as the first step in emotional intelligence. Being aware of one’s emotions, triggers, and responses is essential for effectively managing emotions and improving interactions with others.

3. Practice Mindfulness: Bradberry advocates for mindfulness practices as a way to enhance emotional awareness. Techniques such as meditation, deep breathing, and staying present can help individuals recognize their emotional states and respond more thoughtfully.

4. Developing Empathy: The book highlights the significance of empathy in building strong relationships. By actively listening and trying to understand others' perspectives, individuals can connect on a deeper level and respond more compassionately.

5. Regulating Emotions: Bradberry discusses strategies for emotion regulation, including techniques for calming oneself in stressful situations. Recognizing when emotions are escalating and employing strategies to manage them can prevent negative outcomes.

6. Effective Communication: The author emphasizes the role of effective communication in emotional intelligence. Clearly expressing thoughts and feelings, while also being open to feedback, fosters healthier interactions and reduces misunderstandings.

7. Building Strong Relationships: Bradberry outlines the importance of nurturing relationships through emotional intelligence. Investing in connections with others, showing appreciation, and being supportive can enhance collaboration and trust.

8. Handling Conflict Wisely: The book provides strategies for constructively managing conflict. Approaching disagreements with a focus on understanding and resolution rather than defensiveness can lead to more productive outcomes.

9. Self-Motivation: Bradberry highlights the importance of self-motivation in emotional intelligence. Setting personal goals, maintaining a positive outlook, and finding intrinsic motivation can drive individuals to overcome challenges and pursue success.

10. Continuous Learning and Growth: Finally, the author encourages readers to embrace a mindset of continuous learning. Developing emotional intelligence is an ongoing process, and being open to feedback and self-improvement is essential for long-term growth.

"Emotional Intelligence Habits" by Travis Bradberry serves as a practical guide for individuals seeking to enhance their emotional intelligence through actionable strategies. Through his insights and techniques, Bradberry empowers readers to understand and manage their emotions while fostering strong relationships with others.The lessons highlight the importance of self-awareness, empathy, and effective communication while promoting strategies for emotion regulation and conflict resolution. Bradberry’s work is a valuable resource for anyone looking to improve their emotional intelligence and achieve personal and professional success.

Book/Audiobook:

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05/16/2025

Parallel Panic and the Minivan Menace: Confessions of a Petite Psychologist Mom”
by a woman who knows Freud, but not the front bumper of her own van

They say behind every great woman is a minivan filled with Goldfish crumbs, soccer cleats, and at least one mystery smell. I, a mother of four and a licensed psychologist practicing for 25 yrs with a PhD and the ability to diagnose your existential crisis in under 10 minutes, have met my match: parking.

Specifically, parking my minivan.

Now, let’s be clear—I’m not just any mom. I’m 5’2” of clinical brilliance, high-functioning multi-tasker, counselor of troubled souls, fixer of broken hearts, referee of toddler debates, and orchestrator of backseat peace treaties. I can explain the neurobiology of anxiety, reframe cognitive distortions like a champ, and hold an entire therapy session while microwaving macaroni.

But God help me, I cannot—CANNOT—fit my Toyota Sienna into a standard parking spot.

There’s something humiliatingly ironic about a woman who can interpret dream symbolism and resolve decades-long family traumas but finds herself doing an 87-point turn just to back into a Target spot. My minivan might as well be an 18-wheeler with tinted windows and the turning radius of a cruise ship. Sometimes I feel like I should just abandon it diagonally and leave a note: “I tried. I really did. Please forgive me.”

People often say, “Just park between the lines.” As if I haven’t thought of that! That’s like telling a patient with anxiety, “Just relax.” Easy to say when you’re not gripping the steering wheel with sweaty palms and trying to see past a giant headrest, a booster seat, and a rogue backpack flying across the cabin like a caffeinated bat.

And don’t get me started on the bystanders.

I once came out of the grocery store to find a note on my windshield that read: “You parked like a toddler with a crayon.” Accurate. I plead guilty.

Even my kids have noticed. “Mom, are you parking again? Should I set up camp?” my 10-year-old son asked once as I slowly attempted to inch between two compact cars while muttering affirmations like, “I am calm, I am centered, I will not destroy that Subaru.”

Sometimes I fantasize about trading in the minivan for something smaller and sassier, like a smart car or a unicycle. But then I remember I have four kids, three car seats, and approximately 672 snacks and 169 juiceboxes, Caprisuns, and Gatorades, 44 changes of clothes and shoes that must be transported at all times. The minivan stays.

I’ve tried everything: backup cameras, side mirror acrobatics, YouTube tutorials narrated by soothing British men. I’ve even considered Pavlovian conditioning—reward myself with a Starbucks if I land fully between the lines. I now have a punch card at Starbucks. Still can’t park.

I’ve also begun to wonder if this is some kind of spatial-awareness disability. Is “Minivan Parking Dysfunction” in the DSM-5 yet? If not, it should be. I’d write the diagnostic criteria myself if I wasn’t too busy repositioning for the fourth time at preschool drop-off.

Until that day comes, I’ll continue to zigzag into parking spaces like a confused Roomba and offer free therapy to anyone emotionally traumatized by my parking job. I may not be able to fit between the lines, but I can help you draw your own boundaries—emotionally, at least.

And as any good psychologist will tell you, progress, not perfection.

05/10/2025

A Gentle Reminder This Mother’s Day

As we approach Mother’s Day, let’s remember that this day holds different meanings for different people.

For some, it’s a time of celebration and gratitude. For others, it may stir up grief, loss, complicated family dynamics, infertility struggles, or the pain of longing for something that hasn’t come to be.

Not everyone has a mother. Not everyone wants to be one. Not everyone can be one. And not everyone’s relationship with their mother is loving or safe.

So before saying “Happy Mother’s Day” to someone, consider pausing and making space for the full range of human experience. A simple “Thinking of you today” or “Sending warmth this weekend” can be more inclusive and just as kind.

Let’s lead with empathy—always.