03/15/2026
It's important to understand that this can occur after childhood - please read: We hear the phrase “childhood trauma” a lot. It is important, and the research around early adversity is strong. But sometimes it gets used as a blanket explanation for behaviors that can also develop later in life. Not every trauma response begins in childhood. A person can grow up in a loving home and still enter an emotionally abusive relationship as a young adult. Over time, that kind of relationship can change how someone thinks, reacts to stress, and even how they see themselves. Researchers studying psychological abuse have found that chronic emotional abuse can produce many of the same trauma responses often associated with childhood adversity (National Institutes of Health; Journal of Traumatic Stress; American Psychological Association).
Emotional abuse can look like constant criticism, manipulation, control, humiliation, or gaslighting. There may be no physical violence, but living in that kind of environment creates chronic stress. Science shows that prolonged stress affects the body’s stress regulation system — the HPA axis, which regulates cortisol and the body’s response to danger. Long-term psychological stress can dysregulate this system in ways similar to other forms of trauma (NIH research summarized in Psychoneuroendocrinology).
Over time people may develop behaviors others sometimes assume must come from childhood trauma: low self-esteem, constantly apologizing, over-explaining simple things, second-guessing their own memory or judgment, walking on eggshells, difficulty making decisions, feeling responsible for other people’s emotions, withdrawing from friends or family, anxiety, hyper-vigilance, or emotional exhaustion. These are documented trauma responses to prolonged psychological harm, not personality flaws (National Institute of Mental Health; Journal of Interpersonal Violence). (MEN and WOMEN Can Experience this. Abuse of men is often not talking about.)
Developmental research also shows that the late teen years and early twenties are still an important period for identity and emotional development. Trauma during this stage of life can have lasting effects because emotional regulation systems are still developing (American Academy of Pediatrics; Development and Psychopathology).
So yes — a person can have a loving childhood and still be deeply changed by emotional abuse later in life. Trauma is not only about when it happens, but also about what someone experiences and how long they live under that stress. Understanding that helps us respond with compassion instead of assumptions.
Susan Crooks
