Peace-Filled Birth

05/27/2023

6 years ago today ❤️ born in the water at a birth center I loved, that no longer exists 😭

My first birth was a little chaotic, when a pre-eclampsia diagnosis turned into a scheduled induction that was interrupted with a surprise, 2 1/2 hour, precipitous birth! I didn't know what hit me! With Paul I got to appreciate a more natural progression of labor, and I loved it enough to choose the same setup with my 3rd.

Happy birthday Paul!

02/10/2023

Yes! Safety is an important goal, but it's not the only goal. And not only do you deserve more, but a smooth physiological birth that doesn't need interventions or augmentation often depends on it.

Feeling comfortable with your birthplace and everyone on your birth team is not just a nice *extra*. If a woman does not FEEL safe and isn't attended by people she's comfortable being vulnerable with, her birth hormones will be inhibited and it could hold up the whole birth process.

.
It's often said that you need to birth where you feel safe.

Putting aside for a moment the interesting concept of safety, it’s very very true that how a woman feels during birth is very important. It can make a huge physiological difference in how her labor will progress, how straightforward it will be, how she will feel about it afterward, and yes, even play a role in how safe it actually is. The environment we choose for birth makes a big difference.

Feeling under threat, watched, cold, and more can interfere with what would otherwise be a normal straightforward healthy labor. Our bodies and motherly instincts are so wise! If we feel physical threat, just like other mammals, we will protect our babies the best we can and decide it's not a good time for birth. The adrenaline and cortisol, those physiological stress responses, will inhibit further oxytocin, thus "stalling" or stopping a labor completely.

But we're not just talking about physical safety here. We're complete human persons, not mere animals. This means our physiological response is more complex involving heart, mind, and soul as well. We need to feel physically safe, yes, but we also need (and deserve) to feel emotionally safe.

*The same things that would make sexual intimacy difficult, impossible, or even traumatic are often going to be the very same things that make physiological labor and birth more difficult, impossible, or even traumatic, too.*

So birth where you feel safe, yes.
But also birth where you feel
Respected
Heard
Honored
Unrushed
Comfortable
Known
Private
Warm
Uninhibited
Valued
Loved

You and your baby are worthy of a birth that offers all of that.

🤍🤍🤍

01/28/2023

God speaks to us at all times, including during childbirth!

Here is a collection of scripture verses and quotes from the saints that I gravitated to during my pregnancies. I added them to my list of birth affirmations and found it helpful to sit with them, copy them down, and let myself be shaped by these truths.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

The Lord gives strength to his people, and the Lord blesses his people with peace.
Psalm 29:11

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.
-Psalm 305

"I am not afraid; I was born to do this."
-St. Joan of Arc

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love.
2 Timothy 1:7

Be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.
-1 Corinthians 15:28

"One cannot love without suffering or suffer without loving."
-St. Gianna Molla

For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.
-Romans 8:18

Be strong and of good courage, do not fear or be in dread of them: for it is the Lord your God who goes with you; He will not fail you or forsake you.
-Deuteronomy 31:6

I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.
-Romans 8:18

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.
-John 14:27

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
-Matthew 11:28

"I know well that the greater and more beautiful a work is, the more terrible will be the storms that rage against it."
-St. Faustina

When a woman is in labor she has sorrow, because her hour has come; but when she has given birth she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a child is born into the world.
John 16:21

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
-Philippians 4:13

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
-1 Corinthians 13:7

And he said to them, 'Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me; and whoever receives me receives not me but Him who sent me.'
Mark 9:36-37

"Lord Jesus, teach me to be generous. Teach me to serve as you deserve, To give and not to count the cost, To fight and not to heed the wounds, To labor and not to seek to rest, To give of my self and not ask for a reward, Except the reward of knowing that I am doing your will."
-St. Ignatius

A patient man will endure until the right moment, and then joy will burst forth for him.
-Sirach 1:23

Be brave, my child; the Lord of Heaven and earth grant you joy in place of this sorrow of yours. Be brave, my daughter.
-Tobit 7:18

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
-Philippians 4:6-7

01/21/2023

Doulas are for Dads!

Partners, sometimes you worry that a doula will usurp your role as the primary support person. You don't want to feel useless, and you don't want a doula to intrude on meaningful moments. In my experience and in the majority of the birth stories I hear that isn't the case at all!

One of my favorite parts of doula work is equipping and supporting birth partners in their role. Sometimes that looks like reassuring a worried dad that all is well and he can calmly continue encouraging his wife. Sometimes dads are already calm and confident in their role, but they aren't sure how best to give comfort. A doula has the experience to know what the mom is likely worried about or experiencing at that moment and can offer suggestions.

When a couple has found their groove there is a lot of work doulas can do, quiet and unseen, that allows the main support person to keep all of their attention- and all of their hands- on the mom. A doula can offer water, hold a fan, dip her lukewarm rag back in ice water to cool her neck, adjust the lights, fetch a nurse, and answer routine questions from helpful (but interrupting) providers. Not to mention offering YOU water, and offering (sometimes ordering) you to eat some food or take a bathroom break. And sometimes it looks like this- giving relief through counter pressure or hip squeezes and letting a mom hold the hands and look into the eyes of the person she loves most in this world, which isn't me!

Doulas and dads work together. I might have experience and know-how, and I like to think I'm comforting and adept at holding hands, but I am not the person she turns to for comfort, the person she loves best, the person whose presence makes her feel loved and gets birth hormones flowing. I can never replace you.

01/13/2023

THIS. It's easy to think that if you read all the books, attend the right childbirth class, make a master list of coping mechanisms to try, get a doula, if you "do it right" you can get out of the work or avoid the pain. You can't. Those are all wonderful things, but they are only valuable if they help you to get into the right headspace and show up, turn inward, and embrace the work your body is doing.

Accept it fully. Don't tell yourself you can cheat the pain with XYZ. Acknowledge that it will hurt and that it is SUPPOSED to hurt, and focus on the fact that it is temporary. Each contraction comes and goes in a short span of time. Pull a Kimmy Schmidt: 'You can do anything for 10 seconds.' Or 60....

01/10/2023

.
Have you ever bought a car?

Did you research and test drive a few before making that big decision?

Did you decide what style of car fit your life best and then go to the dealer you knew provided those?

Did you spend a lot of time, maybe weeks or even months, researching statistics, asking friends their experiences, reading reviews, and scouring the area for the best fit? Maybe you even traveled a good distance to get it!

Did you spend a bit more to get the style, features, or service plan you wanted?

Did you possibly even take out a loan to pay for that car because you decided having the vehicle you wanted was that worth it?

Now say it with me:
MY BABY AND I ARE WORTH INFINITELY MORE THAN ANY CAR.

Apply all those same investments of thought, time, and money into your decisions about your birth and baby. That vehicle will eventually be traded in but your health, birth, and body (and your baby's) won't. The memories, outcomes, consequences, and transformations of pregnancy, birth, and postpartum will last longer and impact you far deeper than any car.

If you wouldn’t commit to buy a car before test driving a few options...then do the same before deciding your birth provider.

If you wouldn't decide on a van and then go to the Ferrari dealer to find it...then decide what kind of birth you want and go to the “dealer” providing that kind of birth.

If you wouldn't buy a car before researching statistics, ensuring it had features you needed, gleaning reviews and recommendations from people with similar needs, scouring the area for all the options...then do the same for your provider and place of birth.

If you were willing to spend a bit more for leather seats or even that indulgent comfort option...then do the same for your birth.

If you are willing to take out a loan or even travel to make sure you're providing your family the best choice you can...then be willing to consider the same for your birth and baby.

That car you spent so much time and money on? It will someday end up rusting away in a junkyard. But you and your baby? You are meant for eternity.

🤍🤍🤍

10/20/2022

"What exactly does a doula do- during labor?"

A whole lot! Today I'm talking about physical support and comfort.
This can look as simple as hand holding and backrubs or maneuvers like
a double-hip squeeze that address specific discomforts. A doula might suggest a different position to (hopefully) alleviate some back-pain, or she might whip out a hot waterbottle, a rice sock, or a tennis ball to combat the same problem. She can support you in an assisted squat , you can lean on her if you are walking the halls trying to get things going , or you could throw your arms her and hang or sway to your music . A doula can be useful in this area even if you have an epidural! She could rub you legs and feet if you have uncomfortable tingling or cramping (a common side-effect) and can help maneuver you into different positions in the hospital bed, both for your own comfort and to facilitate baby's rotation and descent.

"What if I don't want anyone touching me during labor?"

Luckily, there are so many other aspects to doula care that you will still feel well supported, like emotional support and reassurance, setting and protecting the right atmosphere, advocating on your behalf, and providing an extra set of hands! I'll be talking about those in the near future. Check out my last post to see what doula prenatal support looks like!

10/17/2022

What does a doula do - prenatally?

I offer three prenatal meetings so we can really get to know each other before your birth! I don't want to be just another stranger in the room. I'm also available to talk or text whenever you have a question or want to share something! At our meetings we discuss any prior births you may have had and your hopes, preferences, or fears for this birth. I'm also certified as a childbirth educator and I like to spend extra time at these meetings answering questions and exploring childbirth education topics tailored to you. We also talk about any pregnancy discomforts you may be experiencing, share breastfeeding and other newbore care resources, and sometimes just chat about life!

I encourage dads and other birth partners to come to these meetings as well! I give them ideas about how best to support you themselves as well as important information that you are often in no mental state to remember yourself! For example, when to call me, or what to do in early labor.

Next time I'll be talking about what birth support looks like, so stay tuned!

10/14/2022

"What exactly is a doula?"

Let me tell you! A doula is an experienced and knowledgeable birth attendant who supports a mom (and her family) through their childbirth journey. We are not, as some assume, midwives or medical providers. We are usually hired by families directly and go wherever you are giving birth, in hospital or out.

Prenatally, we meet and help you clarify what you'd like out of this birth and prepare for it. During the birth we offer physical and emotional support, equip partners to better support you, help prepare and protect an atmosphere conducive to birth, advocate on your behalf if necessary, and provide an extra set of hands! We check in postpartum to see how you're recovering and make sure you can find the help you need.

I'm going to flesh out each of those points over the next week or so, so stick around!

09/25/2022

Hey friends! Can someone message me (and let me know you did) so I can make sure I'm receiving them properly? Someone has tried to contact me and it's not going through- I'm double checking there are no issues on my end.
Thank you!

09/22/2022

I tweaked something at the gym this morning and got to try out my fancy new heating pad I got for my clients. I can now confirm it is superb 👌

07/29/2022

A doula is a birth support person, not necessarily a birth 'coach' and definitely not a doctor. Sometimes I'm asked to give advice, but when I'm not I try to keep this in mind 👇

07/22/2022

It's my birthday month! Which means 28 years ago my mom was recovering from my birth, a successful VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). She remembers fighting hard to find a doctor that would support her in her decision. The VBAC rate that year was around 29.7%. Today, with an abundance of VBAC advocates on social media, easily accessible information on it's safety, and with the support of the American College of Obstetrics and Gynocologists *barring certain risk factors* the VBAC rate is a whopping ... 13.3%.

VBACs are associated with reduced maternal mortality and a decrease in complications with future pregnancies, and ACOG advises that most women should be offered one. But many obstetricians still refuse to support them. If having a VBAC is an important, central part of your birth plan, make sure your doctor is enthusiastically supportive of VBACs. If they say they will "allow you to attempt it" they might not be the right doctor for you. It is never too late to switch providers and find someone that respects your right to take part in decision making and, just as importantly, makes you feel comfortable!

If you're interested in learning more about VBACs and their safety, this article/podcast episode from Evidence Based Birth is extremely informative.
https://evidencebasedbirth.com/ebb-113-the-evidence-on-vbac/
I also love following the ladies at The VBAC Link on social media.

Also, I'm forever in awe of my mother who desired a drug-free birth so much that she pursued it even in a time that meant she had to labor flat on her back in bed. Go Mom!

07/21/2022

If only we could peek in on our babies this easily!!

07/05/2022

But I also love the babies ❤

I Won’t Hold Your Baby

…unless you ask me to, in which case, I will snuggle and cuddle your baby as much as you want me to.

I never ask my clients if I can hold their baby. In fact, I rarely ever touch my client’s baby if I can help it. Sounds sort of like the opposite of what you might picture of a doula, right? We must all be birth crazy, baby obsessed women who just want to cover babies in kisses and love and get an emotional high from attending births?

Not this doula.

I LOVE attending births. Call me crazy, but getting those middle of the night calls is one of my favorite parts of this job. I get to listen to someone at their most vulnerable times - the excitement, the hesitation, the nervousness of the unknown. Being able to provide some comfort, reassurance and continuity of care to the people I work with is so important to me (and them!)

Rushing off in the night, quietly getting myself ready, getting in the car and heading off to their home or hospital makes me feel like I’m on a secret birth mission that nobody around me knows about. When I arrive I fall as seamlessly as I can into the rhythm of the birth and start supporting my clients in whatever way they need most.

When the baby arrives I step aside and leave room for the new parents to discover their baby. I try and grab some photos (I’m not a birth photographer though, so keep your expectations in check!) and then I only step in if my client needs me for some reason.

Why does that matter? Why won’t I ask to hold your baby? Simply because: they are yours, not mine. I want you to be able to hold your baby as close as you want, for as long as you want without anyone interrupting that time. There will be enough people coming along in the next few hours and weeks who need to take that baby out of your arms for whatever reason, and tons of friends and family who will offer help by “holding the baby”.

Instead, I want to hold you, whether that’s in my arms, in my heart or my thoughts. By supporting and “holding” you, I don’t need to hold your baby. But if you ask me to, I would LOVE to.

Written by | Bump and Glow- Montreal Doula Services
Artwork by Spirit Y Sol

05/27/2022

"We had to pick the grass off of him" !

What a story! This is a great reminder that while good support is wonderful (and probably preferable in her case) your body knows what to do!

Kentucky mom Heather Skaats thought this kind of thing only happened in the movies.

04/09/2022