07/11/2025
Experience has taught me that emotional security is less about finding happily ever after with another, and more about finding happily ever after with yourself.
Relationships come and go. No relationship lasts forever. Even, "til death do us part "usually means one will be left without the other.
The benefit of internal emotional security is knowing that no matter how the relationship ends, you're going to be ok.
It's a confidence in knowing you can tend to your emotional well being and needs. You're able to be with your emotions without being over run by them.
It's understanding that the other's behavior, choices, etc. are not about you. They hold no meaning except what you give them.
This allows you to be fully present with the relationship as it is, and as it becomes. It allows you to make choices within and around the relationship that align with your authentic self.
That's not to say that you won't grieve a loss. You absolutely will, in the most present way. However, the recovery is much quicker and not debilitating.
I realize this might sound unromantic since society, the movie and music industry promote the idea of an "all consuming" love that destroys you when it ends. How else can you know it's love, after all?
However I encourage you to consider, if you find yourself consumed by romantic love, what's left of you outside of it?
Secure love means knowing that if a relationship ends, you have within yourself everything you need for closure, the self knowledge to get whatever else you need for your personal well being, and the stability to navigate whatever emotions arise.
All of this allows you to be more present and authentic with the other in the context of a relationship, because you're not overly occupied with them or the outcome.
It's trusting that you can be fully engaged in the present with another without fear of the future because you know that if it ends, your heart might break, but your sense of self will not.
100% written by a human
