16/08/2025
When my family decided it was time to clear out my grandfather’s possessions, I thought it would be a simple, practical task; pack up, donate, throw away. But the moment I opened the first drawer, I froze. Inside were things no one else would care about — his old reading glasses with one arm taped together, a worn leather wallet that still smelled faintly of to***co, a stack of postcards he’d collected from trips he never got to take. None of them valuable in the market sense, but each carrying a weight I didn’t know how to measure.
I sat there for hours on the living room floor, torn between two fears: losing these objects and losing the pieces of him they seemed to hold. It felt as though if I let go of the things, I’d be letting go of him. And I could see I wasn’t the only one struggling. My aunt kept quietly tucking small items into her bag when she thought no one was looking; a pen, a set of cufflinks — as if she could smuggle a piece of him home. My mother lingered over his old armchair, running her hands along the worn fabric again and again, unable to say out loud that she couldn’t bear to see it go. Even my usually stoic brother stood staring at a box of old tools, his eyes glassy, caught somewhere between a smile and a tear. In that room, each of us was fighting the same invisible battle; trying to decide what to take, what to leave, and how to carry him with us without carrying everything he ever owned.🥺
That’s why Keep the Memories, Lose the Stuff by Matt Paxton struck me so deeply. Paxton understands that our attachment to things isn’t about the objects themselves; it’s about the love, the history, and the stories they carry. He offers a way to honor the memories without drowning in the physical weight of them.
The transformation this book brings is subtle but life-changing: it teaches you that letting go of “stuff” doesn’t mean letting go of the person, the moments, or the love tied to them. In fact, it makes space, literally and emotionally for those memories to live more vividly in your heart rather than in dusty boxes.
Here are 6 empowering insights from Keep the Memories, Lose the Stuff by Matt Paxton:
1. Your Memories Live in You, Not in the Objects
Paxton reminds us that the physical things our loved ones leave behind are not the memories themselves, they are simply triggers. The true memories live in the stories, emotions, and connections we carry inside. This reframing is powerful because it lifts the weight of feeling like we must keep everything in order to honor someone’s life. Instead, you can choose a few meaningful items and let the rest go, knowing the essence of your loved one isn’t leaving with them.
2. Choosing What to Keep Is an Act of Love, Not Guilt
It’s easy to feel like letting go of something means you’re disrespecting or forgetting the person. Paxton flips that belief — curating what you keep is actually an act of care. By intentionally choosing the items that truly matter, you protect the things that hold the most meaning from being buried in clutter. This also frees you from the guilt of holding onto things out of obligation rather than genuine connection.
3. Stories Matter More Than Stuff
One of Paxton’s central lessons is to capture the story behind the items you keep. A chipped mug might seem insignificant, but if it’s the mug your grandfather used every morning while telling you stories about his youth, that’s the real treasure. Sharing and recording these stories turns them into living legacies, ensuring they last even if the object is lost or broken.
4. Your Space Should Serve Your Life Today
Paxton challenges us to ask: Does this item serve the life I’m living now, or the life I used to have? Holding onto too much can keep you emotionally tied to the past in a way that prevents you from fully living in the present. Letting go isn’t about erasing the past but about creating space, physically and emotionally, for what you need now and what’s yet to come.
5. It’s Okay to Let the Hardest Things Go Last
Decluttering sentimental items can feel like surgery on the heart. Paxton advises starting with the easier things — duplicates, broken items, things you have no attachment to — and leaving the most sentimental for later. By the time you get to the emotionally loaded objects, you’ll have built the clarity and confidence to make those decisions with less overwhelm.
6. Letting Go Can Be a Way of Moving Forward Together
The process of sorting through a loved one’s belongings can bring families together if approached with care. Paxton encourages turning it into a shared storytelling session rather than a hurried purge. As each person picks an item to keep or let go, they share the memory attached to it. This transforms decluttering from a lonely, painful task into a collective act of honoring and celebrating a life.
When we closed the door to my grandfather’s house for the last time, I carried only his watch, a postcard, and the memory of us laughing and telling stories on that old living room floor. Matt Paxton shows that releasing the stuff strengthens the love. It creates space for it to grow.
Keep the Memories, Lose the Stuff is about choosing what truly matters and carrying it forward, lighter, freer, and with your heart wide open.
BOOK: https://amzn.to/4mx8agO
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