07/30/2025
❤️
One of the most important things we can do for someone who is declining, especially nearing the end of life, is to align our care with them, not with our own fear or habit. This becomes especially hard for caregivers who have been doing this work - loving, nurturing, and advocating - for a long time. Whether you are a spouse, child, friend, or you are providing care professionally, it is deeply personal. You’ve spent days, maybe years, encouraging them to eat, drink, move, and stay engaged, but now, things are changing. Their body is slowing down. And that same approach, that same rhythm of care, no longer fits.
What I see often, and what breaks my heart a little every time, is the struggle caregivers feel when those signs of decline appear. They want to keep doing what they have always done, urging them to take another bite, another sip, another walk. But when the body is tired, when the appetite fades, when sleep becomes the main companion, we have to shift. We have to soften. Forcing someone to eat or stay awake when they no longer want to isn’t care, it’s fear disguised as help. And it is okay to feel that fear. But we must also have the courage to meet reality where it is.
One of the kindest and most necessary things we can do is teach caregivers how to realign their care. To help them understand that less food, more sleep, and changes in alertness are not things to fix, but natural parts of the process. This isn’t giving up. It’s letting go of control and choosing presence instead. It’s saying, “I’m with you in this moment, just as it is.”
Care changes because the person we love is changing. And when we adjust our care to match that truth, we offer something even deeper than support, we offer respect, tenderness, and permission for things to unfold as they’re meant to.
xo
Gabby
You can find this blog here:
https://www.thehospiceheart.net/post/aligning-your-care-with-their-decline
