Andreya Jones Counseling & Sex Therapy

10/12/2025

We had an amazing time at the S*xual Health Alliance conference. Continuing education and staying up to date with new research, tools, and information is something we prioritize at Andreya Jones Counseling. We learned so much and cannot wait to come home and share it with all of our clients.

10/02/2025

I've been making a lot of changes to our website over the past few weeks and wanted to share something I wrote. We celebrate all kinds of s*xual preferences at Andreya Jones Counseling, from vanilla to sprinkles to cherries on top. No matter what you're into, we welcome you!

Kink/B**M

One of the most fascinating and beautiful parts of human s*xuality is the many different forms of s*xual expression and play. When it comes to s*xual play, the sky is the limit. While most people have a relatively limited definition of what s*x is or could be, many people enjoy playing outside of the traditional s*xual box. Traditional s*x is typically referred to as vanilla s*x. Individuals who enjoy Kink and B**M enjoy adding sprinkles to their vanilla s*x.

So, what is Kink? Kink is s*xual play that includes "engaging in one, some, or all of multiple erotic and/or s*xual practices, including, but not limited to, bo***ge (B), discipline (D), dominance (D), submission (S), sa**sm (S), masochism (M), sensation play, power play, role play, and fetishism" (Kauppi, 2020). Kink encompasses a vast array of activities, from relatively typical and mild to extreme and unusual. Some individuals in the Kink community view Kink as part of their identity, while others simply enjoy engaging in Kinky play. For some individuals, Kink may be something they engage in now and then or only with certain partners, while to others, Kink may be a way of being.

Here are a few examples of kink:
-Restraint/Bondage
-Role Play
-Sensation Play
-Eroticizing objects, body parts, or fictional characters
-Power exchange, including roles such as dom/sub and ranging from occasional play to a 24/7 dynamic.

Despite what you may have heard, there is no evidence that Kinky people have more or less psychopathology than the rest of the population. This is the biggest misconception that most people encounter when it comes to Kink. There is no indication that Kinky individuals have past trauma, attachment wounds, or psychopathology. While the field of psychology used to believe that there was something inherently wrong or broken about people who desired to engage in intense forms of sensation play, dominance, submission, fetishism, or other kinks, research has shown that this is untrue.

We are all born with an erotic template, which is what naturally turns us on at the core of who we are. "An erotic template is the specific scenario or narrative that turns someone on the most and tends to run as a central theme in their fantasies" (Kauppi, 2020). While no one really knows how an erotic template is created, we do know that an erotic template is outside of our conscious control and that no erotic template is wrong or abnormal. While many people can add to their erotic template over time, it is rare that an erotic template could be removed or disappear. People in the Kink community follow a variety of guidelines to prioritize nonharmful play. Consent is the most important part of Kink because it decreases the likelihood of people experiencing harm. "Consent is an ongoing and ever-shifting process that requires self-awareness, self-assessment, other-awareness, and attunement, in an atmosphere of sincere mutual respect, achieved through verbal and nonverbal communication, with the clear intention of collaboration between partners for the mutual pleasure of everyone involved" (Kauppi, 2020). For something to be consensual, it must be freely given. When something is consensual, there cannot be any form of coercion, internal or external pressure, or pressure of any kind. Everyone involved in consensual play should feel certain that they or anyone else involved can and will say "no" if they want/need to, for any reason. It is imperative that anyone involved in consensual play actively make sure all parties can say "no" without experiencing any negative consequences. No matter how much planning goes into s*xual play, members of the Kink community know that there is no way to completely remove risk from Kinky play. Members of the Kink community have identified two acronyms that help them remember the importance of consent and limiting harm.
-RACK (risk-aware consensual Kink) was created to acknowledge that, while you can't completely remove risk from Kinky play, you can be aware of it and do your best to reduce it through the use of informed consent.
-PRICK (personal responsibility, informed consensual Kink) was developed to acknowledge that personal responsibility for one's choices and actions is paramount to ethical erotic expression.

We respect and honor all forms of consensual s*xual expression and play at Andreya Jones Counseling. We do not Kink shame, and we do not yuck anyone's yum.

09/30/2025

We are CELEBRATING Hillary today! She got her LSW and is currently working on her certification to become a s*x therapist. Hillary brings a wealth of experience, knowledge, and humor to our practice and we are super excited to have her on our team. Hillary is currently accepting clients if you are interested.

09/21/2025

At Andreya Jones Counseling we are all about healing. We are not about perfection. We are not about shame or guilt. We are not here to tell you who or what to be. We are here to walk next to you on your journey of self discovery, empowerment, and healing. I came across a beautiful definition of healing this morning:

“Healing is the grief of realizing how much time we spent believing things that hurt us. It is the anger we were never allowed to feel that still registers in our bodies as off-limits and untrustworthy. It is wading through our past to uncover just how deep the story goes. It is visceral fury at the system that bred all the hurt as well as enormous sadness that we perpetuated that harm. It is searing ache when we finally allow nurturing from another person after having been without for so long, the fear of what will happen when we let all parts of us be seen, and the excruciating discomfort of slowly trying to trust our selves again while simultaneously expecting that doing so will get us punished. It is trying something old but in a different way, or trying something new and realizing that new things take practice and that uncomfortable sensations are part of our growth. It is the raw vulnerability of letting the painful places be witnessed and tended to”. - Hillary L. McBride

09/12/2025

09/09/2025

All you need is not love

There seems to be a belief in our culture that as long as you have love in a relationship you should be able to make it work. There are countless songs that reinforce this message and while it’s an interesting concept it is not what I have found to be true. While love is a very important part of a relationship it is not the only thing that you need. I have worked with hundreds of couples who loved each other and were not compatible, fulfilled, or happy. I often hear clients say, “but we love each other”… and I know that these people do. When I work with couples who are trying to repair or rebuild their relationships I explain that a relationship needs a solid foundation. Love is just one brick in that foundation. You need so much more than love. Love is constantly ebbing and flowing. The way you love someone in the beginning of a relationship will change as both you and that relationship evolve and grow. As humans, we are meant to change… to blossom. We are not meant to stay the same through every chapter of our lives. What you loved when you were 6 may not be what you love at 36 or 86. If our tastes change in other areas of life why wouldn’t it change in love and relationships? The person that worked for you in one chapter of your life may not be compatible with you in a later chapter. This is why you need more than love to build a solid foundation. One of the beautiful parts of building a relationship with someone is that everyone involved gets to decide what bricks they want/need in their foundation. Some of the popular bricks that people talk about in therapy are trust, vulnerability, humor, similar core values, faith, fidelity etc. During our lives things will bump into, rock, or even crack the foundation in our relationship(s). This is when most people come to therapy. The hope as a therapist is that the foundation is not damaged beyond repair and that if it is… I am able to help that couple let go of the foundation with grace and understanding. For those who need help patching or rebuilding their foundation we have to figure out what the original foundation consisted of and how it began to crumble. When people begin to knock down and/or rebuild their foundation I am always curious to see if they are on the same page on what bricks they want to use. Once they build the foundation they need for a solid relationship they are able to build the house that they want to live in on top of that foundation. Not all houses are meant to live in forever. Sometimes we outgrow a house or need to down size or upgrade. This is also true for relationships. Not all relationships are meant to last forever. This doesn’t mean you failed. It means you learned something and you grew in ways that you needed to AND in many cases you then outgrew the house/relationship. As you think about your relationships I would encourage you to look at what your foundation is made of. Are there any bricks you’d like to remove or add? Is the foundation and house you built serving you? Is it allowing you to grow? I love John Lennon’s song, All You Need is Love… it’s catchy BUT not always sustainable in a long term relationship. We need so much more than love.

07/28/2025

"Everything I love about my light was earned through my darkness."

Life isn't always easy. We go through really difficult experiences, relationships, and trials. I am not someone who believes that everything happens for a reason. I believe that how we show up in this world each day is a choice. How we face the difficult times is a choice. You can either go in hoping to learn something, OR you can go in believing you have no power and that life will throw whatever it wants at you. I want to remind you that you have the power to choose the lens through which you look at life. You cannot control others or the state of the world, BUT you can choose what you do with this reality. Life is not easy, but it is beautiful. No matter what you are going through today, please know you are not alone. You have value. You are strong. You are capable.

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07/26/2025

Come see us at Harrisburg Pride today! We are so excited to be celebrating love of all kinds 💗🏳️‍🌈 🏳️‍⚧️

06/27/2025

Over the past few years, I have immersed myself in researching the similarities and correlations between women who were raised in highly controlled religious communities, and women who find themselves in abusive relationships. Many of the values and teachings found in highly controlled religious communities, groom women into accepting and even seeking out relationships that are toxic, controlling, and abusive. Relationships where they are not seen, heard, or valued for who they are. Instead, the focus is on what they do for others, particularly their male partners. Women are taught that love requires sacrifice and that love is a choice. They are taught to believe that in order to deserve love they must give everything that they have. Their time, intelligence, body, emotions etc. If love is a sacrifice, then they must sacrifice their entire selves. Women are encouraged to be grateful, useful, and needed. They are celebrated and rewarded for being helpful and for putting others first. They are taught that their worth is tied to their utility. Women are encouraged to become selfless at work, as mothers, and as partners because essentially their needs do not matter. Instead, meeting the needs of everything and everyone else in their life is what gives them value. Essentially, the love that they receive must be earned. In doing so, many of them lose themselves completely. Instead of being taught to thrive, these women are taught to make themselves small and to please others. They often confuse abuse and pain with connection. While it is important to care about others, selflessness can often result in self-abandonment. When you abandon yourself, your feelings, and your needs, you become someone who others can take advantage of and use. Abusive systems and people crave women like this. They look for those who over-share, over-give, and over-function. They learn very quickly that you will do anything you have to do to make them happy or to keep the peace. When women are groomed to become servants and helpers, they can be controlled by those in power. They are drawn to people and systems that reinforce these beliefs and many of them get sucked in for years, if not entire lifetimes. The good news is that more and more women who grew up like this are beginning to find themselves. I work with many women who followed these toxic rules, embraced these values, and tried to meet the unrealistic expectations of these people and systems. Many of them are told that if they fall in line and follow the rules, they will find joy, purpose, and fulfillment. This is not the reality for many, if not most of these women. There is no joy or fulfillment in self-abandonment or letting others consume you. This is not love. This is not what gives you value. Real love does not require you to erase yourself. In erasing your identity, you give full control to something or someone else. When working with women who have experienced this kind of upbringing and/or relationship(s), I focus a lot on helping them see who they are apart from everything and everyone else in their life. My goal is to empower them so they can experience what authentic love looks like, sounds like, and feels like. If you are someone who has been struggling with this type of indoctrination, I would love to help you navigate what comes next in your story.

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06/20/2025

We see you
We welcome you
We care about what you think
We believe your voice matters

06/17/2025

I saw this today and it brought tears to my eyes. Our culture tends to only label specific types of behaviors or experiences as abuse. The truth about abuse is that it comes in many shapes and sizes. When someone is being abused in atypical ways or in ways that others do not see they are often dismissed or not believed. When you have to make yourself small emotionally, physically, spiritually, or intellectually to survive a person, relationship, or situation this is abuse. You and only you can define what abuse looks like, sounds like, or feels like for you. No one else gets to define what abuse is for you. Please know that we believe the stories, the experiences, and the truths that our clients share with us. We are not here to judge or label you. We are here to listen, encourage, and empower! If you are experiencing any type(s) of abuse and would like to talk about it we would love to work with you.