We all have our own story. It’s what we choose to do with it that will make us who we are today. Will we choose for it to lock us away in the dark? Or, will we choose to shed the light and allow our truth to bring light to another’s darkness?
As for me, my story begins in December 2012. That night, just like any other, I kissed my kid’s goodnight, tucked them into bed and snuggled with my husband until I fell asleep. There was nothing that could’ve prepared me for what that morning would bring, nor
the ripple effect that would be caused over the course of the next few years.
That morning I awoke in a state of full-blown panic, the fiery feeling of hell coursed through my body as I would go from one panic attack to the next. The terror swallowed me in whole, leaving me in a state of anxiety and depression. I chose to hide behind my darkness, I chose not to talk about it, I chose to try to bury it as the stigma associated with those who struggle with the symptoms associated with mental health illness was just too much for me to bare. I turned to Dr. Google; I took all of his advice and I attempted to secretly heal myself.
I wasn’t getting better, but I wasn’t getting worse either. I had successfully found a state of balance between panic, anxiety and depression that no one could live in forever. It was at this point that I new that I needed to seek outside guidance for the sake of myself and my family. I mustered the courage and scheduled an appointment to see my primary care provider. I went to that appointment feeling hopeful and, unfortunately left my appointment feeling worse about my ‘condition’ then I had felt in the first place. The dreaded fear of being told that I would never get better, that there is no cure for mental illness and that at best, with medicine, I could temporarily mask the symptoms had now been implanted in my mind. I would be sick for the rest of my life and my only ‘temporary’ hope was in a medicine that had worse side effects then the symptoms I was suffering from in the first place. I took the script, I folded it and tucked it away in my purse where it stayed for over a year until I finally broke down and filled it due to the concern from my family.
To say that prescription wasn’t the devil is an understatement. The panic attacks worsened, the anxiety and depression were at an all time new high, and to add insult to injury, new symptoms were beginning. “That’s a perfectly normal reaction. Keep taking the SSRI, symptoms may get better before they get worse,” Primary Care Provider. Just like any other compliant patient, I took that little yellow pill of pure man made evil. I took it everyday becoming more and more afraid as my symptoms were becoming exacerbated. What I thought was anxiety couldn’t even compare to what it had become. And then, when I thought things couldn’t get worse, SURPRISE! I began hallucinating and having delusions just as the SSRI package insert had warned. The terror swallowed me in whole. Every minute of everyday I was engulfed in a constant state of fear. I made the decision that it was best for me to take my own life. I hugged and kissed my kids and my husband and then drove away knowing that I would not return (suicidal thoughts, another warning on SSRI package inserts). I drove around in the dark, not knowing where I was going until I found an abandoned baseball field. I got out of my car, I hung a rope and then swung on it to ensure it could hold my weight. My eyes welled with tears, but in my mind, this was best for both my family and I. I began to say a prayer and then my phone, which was shut off, rang. Interrupting my thoughts, I answered it. My husband was on the other end and he was hysterical. He was so hysterical that it brought me out of my own warped thinking. In the pit of his stomach he felt that something was wrong and he had been trying to get ahold of me, with no luck he then left our home and was driving around looking for me. I sobbed as I explained what I was doing and that I had no idea where I was, but that I was at an abandoned baseball field. Within less then a few short minutes, I heard my husband screaming my name as he came running around the dugout. We held each other as we both sobbed. I asked him how he found me. “Tarin, as I was on the way to the store the other day and as I always do, I took a wrong turn not paying attention. I pulled into this baseball field to turn around. When I pulled in, I felt God pointed this baseball field out for a reason. As soon as you told me you were at a baseball field, I knew which one because God showed me.” My husband and God had saved my life. From that moment forward, we made a pack that no matter how hard this situation became, that we will keep our faith knowing that we all face challenges for a reason, and that su***de will never ever be the end result.
It was then that God led me towards Natural Health Care and my healing journey began. Through the process, I discovered that I have the Homozygous MTHFR A1298C gene mutation. Healing one layer at a time, I was able to restore balance in my body by replenishing nutritional deficiencies, cleansing various sources of toxicity, ridding my body of parasitic invasions and healing emotional components. I am living, breathing proof that symptoms associated with mental health illness, are just that, symptoms. Your body’s cry for help to re-store homeostasis. I am no longer hiding behind my story, God provided me with everything that I needed to face symptoms of mental health illness and then to heal, giving me courage and a voice so that I can fight the stigma against mental health illness and the ability to light my own torch in order to bring light to others darkness.
I am a Certified Natural Therapist, a Certified Gut and Psychology Syndrome Practitioner, Reiki I Practitioner and am currently completing classes through the Naturopathic Institute of Therapies and Education where I will graduate in May 2021 as a Certified Naturopath. I then plan to take the American Naturopathic Medical Association National Exam to earn the title Naturopathic Doctor. I am currently scheduling new client consultations. Some modalities that I use in my practice include Muscle Response Testing, Neural Organization Technique, Reflexology, Meridian Tracing, Light Healing Touch, CranioSacral Therapy, Lymphatic Drainage Massage, Raindrop Therapy, Tuning Forks and Sound Therapy and Color Light Therapy. My passion lies with those, of any age, who struggle with symptoms associated with mental health illness, because I too walked that path. The path can feel long, dark and scary, but it does not have to feel lonely. Together, lets walk your path towards your goal of healing!
