03/03/2026
March is Self-Harm Awareness Month.
Self-harm is one of those topics that people often carry strong assumptions about—usually because it’s scary, confusing, and painful to imagine someone you love hurting themselves. But the more we learn, the clearer it becomes: self-harm is most often a coping strategy, not a performance.
Research and clinical work consistently point to a similar theme: for many people, self-harm is used to regulate internal distress. For those who self-harm, doing so may feel like it’s the only way to feel better or to have some control in their lives. Some describe it as a way to bring intense emotions down to a tolerable level. Others describe it as a way to interrupt intrusive thoughts, or to feel something when they feel numb or disconnected. Sometimes it’s about creating a sense of control when life feels unmanageable. It can look different from person to person—but the function is frequently the same: relief.
That doesn’t mean self-harm is “safe,” or that it should be minimized. It means it should be understood accurately. When we misunderstand the “why,” we tend to respond with reactions that increase shame—lectures, punishment, withdrawal, assumptions. And shame is a powerful accelerant for secrecy and isolation.
A more helpful response is to stay close and stay kind. Reacting with anger or disbelief can add shame and push someone into hiding. What helps most is a steady, caring adult or friend who takes it seriously, listens without turning it into a lecture, and helps connect the person to real support and safer coping tools.
March is a good time to practice getting this right. Not with perfect words, but with a clearer lens: self-harm is usually a sign of pain that has outgrown a person’s available tools. And tools can be learned. Healing is possible. 🧡
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