Therapy on Fig, 5619 North Figueroa Street, Highland Park, CA (2025)

08/18/2025

ADHD and friendships: It's a complex topic that's rarely discussed. ADHD can deeply affect our relationships, often leading to painful cycles of shame, rejection, and isolation.

Here’s a closer look at some of the challenges:

Executive Function Challenges: Forgetfulness isn't personal. Forgetting to text back or missing an event can feel like being a "bad friend," leading to guilt and withdrawal.

Impulsivity & Verbal Hyperactivity: Interrupting or "taking up too much space" in a conversation is a neurologically-driven behavior, but it's often misinterpreted as self-centeredness, leading to social rejection.

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD): This is the intense emotional pain from perceived or real rejection. A friend's delayed response can trigger catastrophic thoughts about the relationship ending—all because of a lifetime of feeling "too much" or misunderstood.

Accumulated Trauma: Many of us carry "invisible wounds" from years of being labeled as lazy or disruptive. This can lead to hypervigilance and masking, which makes authentic connection difficult.

It's crucial to understand these challenges to build healthier relationships. You are not a bad friend; you're navigating friendships with a neurodivergent brain.

Read more https://therapyonfig.com/blog/2025/8/16/how-ifs-therapy-can-offer-an-affirming-approach-to-adhders-struggling-with-friendships to see how a specific therapy approach can help you navigate these challenges.

08/17/2025

One of the most healing realizations in IFS is that you are not your parts. And you are definitely not your job.

There is a Self in you – calm, curious, compassionate – that exists beyond your title or productivity. When we access that Self, there’s often a profound sense of relief. We can reconnect with the truth that we are inherently worthy, not because of what we do, but because of who we are.

This doesn’t mean quitting your job or devaluing your career. It means untangling who you are from what you do. Work can be meaningful; it can even be a place of expression and growth. But it can’t be the entire container for your identity.

If this resonates with you, I invite you to get curious:

What parts of you feel pressure to achieve, succeed, or “be someone”?
What do these parts believe about your worth?
Can you offer these parts some compassion -- not to get rid of them, but to let them know that they don’t have to carry these burdens alone?

www.therapyonfig.com

08/07/2025

Reflection Prompts for Summer

If you’re craving a little more balance this summer, reflect on the following prompts. You can journal, jot down notes in your phone, record a voice note, or simply think about your answers – summer’s busy, but taking a few minutes to center yourself in this season might help you move through the busy-ness with more ease

08/05/2025

Grace brings authenticity, intuition, and creativity to every session, creating a brave and grounding space where all parts of you are welcome, from the familiar and self-assured to the hidden and unspoken. Her approach weaves Internal Family Systems (IFS), Brainspotting, and creative arts therapies, helping individuals, couples, teens, and families move beyond survival mode and reconnect with the self they’ve longed to embrace.

She has a heart for clients who’ve spent their lives bridging worlds—oldest siblings, caretakers, peacekeepers, creatives, and those navigating generational, cultural, or religious expectations. With Grace, therapy is about releasing inherited “shoulds,” deepening self-trust, and creating a life rooted in joy and authentic connection, with yourself and with the people you love. 💛

Book an initial call to see if it's a good fit with her at www.therapyonfig.com/contact

07/28/2025

We work with so many clients who carry shame about their bodies—shame that didn’t start with them. These beliefs were inherited, absorbed, and rehearsed in families, cultures, and systems that taught parts of us to equate safety with conformity.

In IFS, we see parts like the inner critic not as enemies, but as protectors trying to shield us from rejection or pain. They learned their roles from diet culture, media, trauma, and oppressive systems. Healing doesn’t come from silencing them; it comes from turning toward them with compassion.

This is body liberation: reclaiming pleasure, taking up space, and moving from internal control to internal care. It starts within, but it doesn’t end there.

When we unburden ourselves of inherited shame, we don’t just heal ourselves; we disrupt the systems that benefit from our self-rejection. Every act of internal compassion chips away at the external forces of anti-fatness, racism, ableism, and misogyny.

As we turn toward our parts with curiosity, we also move toward a world where more bodies are honored, more stories are heard, and more of us are free.

07/21/2025

The Hidden Weight: How History Shapes the Mental Load in In*******al Relationships

How does this all relate to couples therapy?

Macro-contexts shape us through our bodies, beliefs, and relationships. In couples work, we explore how history and power show up between partners.

A Filipino man and an American woman might unconsciously reenact colonial gender and racial dynamics. A q***r couple seeking asylum through marriage may face the irony that, while the U.S. still isn’t fully safe for LGBTQ+ folks, it offers more safety than their home country, often due to the legacy of colonialism and imported moral codes.

These layers matter. They help us hold complexity with care and compassion.

✨ Want to explore this more? Read more here:

https://therapyonfig.com/blog/2025/7/19/the-hidden-weight-how-history-shapes-the-mental-load-in-in*******al-relationships

07/14/2025

For many neurodivergent teens, daytime is a cacophony of sounds, stimulation, and neurotypical societal demands. On the other hand, nighttime may be the only time they feel calm, in control, and able to focus. It offers a sense of privacy and autonomy, and a time when they aren’t being watched, judged, or expected to perform. Night is also when some of their peers, especially other neurodivergent teens, are most active. This can make nighttime a prime time to socialize within neurodivergent or “neurokin” communities. Additionally, many neurodivergent teens struggle with transitions, including the transition to bedtime. Sleep itself may feel like a demand, something that triggers resistance or anxiety. They may become hyper-focused on a task or special interest and struggle to stop and transition to sleep. Additionally, sensory sensitivities can intensify at night. Sounds, lights, or textures that go unnoticed during the day may become heightened when things are quiet.

Especially for a neurodivergent teen with PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance), collaboration and giving them autonomy over their decisions is key.

Visit the blog link in our profile to read more!

07/07/2025

Instead of fighting our inner critic, we approach it with genuine curiosity. We seek to understand what it's trying to accomplish, what it fears would happen if it stopped its relentless commentary, and how it first came to believe this was such an important job.

This curiosity naturally leads to compassion when we truly grasp what our critic attempts to protect. We begin to see it not as a harsh taskmaster, but as a scared part of us doing its best with limited tools and outdated information.

Through this compassionate understanding, we can help our inner critic release its strategy of criticism. This frees up tremendous energy that was previously locked in internal conflict. Instead of being driven by the fears and conclusions our young parts adopted long ago, we can access motivation that aligns with our authentic needs and interests.

Visit blog link in our bio to read more!

www.therapyonfig.com

06/30/2025

Some couples who come in for therapy identify as “high-conflict.” If this term resonates with you, your relational dynamics are likely characterized by anger, defensiveness, and contempt. Without proper intervention, a high-conflict couple’s therapy can feel more like a battleground than a safe space for connection.

In high-conflict sessions, one of the most transformative tools I rely on from Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is “catching the bullet.” This technique enables therapists to pause the couple’s cycle of conflict in real-time and redirect attention to the emotions and attachment needs underlying explosive moments.

“Catching the bullet” refers to slowing down a reactive moment -- often following one partner’s harsh criticism or angry outburst -- and helping both partners understand it as an expression of distress or emotional injury. Rather than allowing the reactive pattern to escalate, the therapist steps in and “catches” the emotional projectile. The goal is to slow down the interaction, validate the underlying pain, and redirect attention away from the attack-defend cycle.
In high-conflict couples, “bullets” can come fast and often. For example, a partner may shout, “You’ve never cared about me!” Rather than letting the other partner defend or counterattack, I might step in and say something like:

“Let’s slow down for a moment. I’m hearing a lot of pain in that statement. Can we explore where that pain comes from before it becomes a fight?”

By “catching the bullet,” we interrupt the automatic fight-or-flight response and invite each partner to tune into their inner experience. This technique creates a safe emotional distance, allowing partners to access and express their more vulnerable emotions, such as fears of rejection, abandonment, or worthlessness. “Catching the bullet” is particularly effective when couples have entrenched negative cycles and need help recognizing how their reactivity is part of a larger pattern, not a character flaw in either partner.

Book a session with an EFT and IFS-informed couples therapist by scheduling an initial consultation with a therapist from our profile.

06/23/2025

The first step to coming home to yourself is to slow down ✨

When you slow down, you tell your body that you are safe. This is called downregulation, a transition from fight-or-flight to rest-and-digest mode.

Modern life keeps us wired when we don't need to be. But when we bring our parasympathetic system online, healing, creativity, and intuition can flow with ease.

Racing thoughts? Tight chest? Tense shoulders? Constant worry? Your nervous system might be asking for some tender attention.

Simple practices like breathwork, gentle movement, or just sitting quietly outside can create space for your system to settle into rest.

You deserve to feel at home in your body. You deserve a life that feels like yours ♡

Ready to explore gentle ways to downregulate? Link in bio for practical tools you can try today.

06/16/2025

In any relational system, emotional safety is foundational. But it becomes even more essential in ENM, where vulnerability often intersects with uncertainty. It’s not uncommon for conversations around new partners, time boundaries, jealousy, or attachment needs to stir up big emotional waves.
From a parts perspective, this makes perfect sense. Our systems are full of protective strategies shaped by past relationships, cultural messages, family history, and even attachment trauma. Some parts might jump in with criticism or control. Others might shut down or people-please to preserve connection. Still, others might spiral into shame or despair.
When we can identify these parts with curiosity and compassion rather than let them take over, we create more safety for ourselves and the people we love.
In IFS and IFIO, we call this Self-leadership the ability to speak for a part (“There’s a part of me that’s feeling anxious and afraid of being replaced”) rather than from it (“You don’t even care about me anymore!”).

Read more here:

https://therapyonfig.com/blog/2025/6/14/enm-and-emotional-safety-speaking-for-parts-not-from-them

06/09/2025

Navigating the Complexities of In*******al Relationships

Being in an in*******al relationship can bring unique layers of family-of-origin dynamics and cultural beliefs. For example, in some Asian cultures, lighter skin is seen as "better," and marrying someone darker can be viewed as a downgrade. If you’re raising children together, there may also be worries about whether your child will ever fully belong in any culture, or how they’ll be treated for not fitting neatly into predefined boxes.

These unseen mental loads—shaped by history, identity, and daily pressures—are often overlooked in monocultural relationships. Acknowledging them, not assigning blame, but building a path forward together is important. Therapy can be a safe space to unpack these complexities and feel truly seen and understood as a multicultural couple. Seek a culturally responsive and humble therapist who can honor your unique truths, beyond what facts alone can capture.

Visit https://therapyonfig.com/blog/2025/6/7/in*******al-relationships-the-unspoken-mental-loadnbsp to learn more!

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