Susan Martinez, LCSW

06/29/2025

Staying in a miserable relationship "for the children" teaches your children to stay in a miserable relationship for your grandchildren.

You think you're protecting them.

Really? You're programming them.

Kids don't learn what you say about love. They learn what love LOOKS like at 7:43pm when you think they're not watching.

They absorb it all:

The way you flinch when he walks in the room.
The silence that follows her sighs.
How you light up when you're on the phone with anyone but each other.
The careful choreography of avoiding touch.
The fake smile you paste on when they ask why you're sad.

Your 8-year-old doesn't think "Mom and Dad have communication issues."

She thinks "This is what marriage feels like."

Your teenager doesn't analyze your attachment styles.

He decides "Love hurts. Better not get too close."

You're not sparing them the pain of divorce.

You're teaching them that love means:
- Staying when you're dying inside
- Accepting scraps and calling it commitment
- That their future partner should settle for their misery too
- That children are worth sacrificing your soul for

Twenty years later, your daughter calls crying about her own loveless marriage.

"But I'm staying for the kids, just like you did."

Generational trauma isn't just about what happened to you.

It's about what you're happening to them.

Right now.

Every single day you model that love is supposed to hurt.

Your relationship is their first textbook on how to be human with another human.

What are you teaching them?

Copied and pasted from another poster. I can not recall his name.

06/23/2025

06/22/2025

“When I was a kid, I used to get hit all the time. In public places—restaurants, anywhere—if I spilled a glass of water or made a small mistake, my dad would grab my head and dig his knuckles into my forehead or slap me. I never understood it: why would a father feel so embarrassed or threatened by what others might think if his child made a simple mistake, that he had to punish him for it?

It’s a strange psychological trick to play on a kid, because even now, I still insult myself if I drop or spill something by accident. I get really angry with myself, because I was conditioned to avoid accidents, to never make human mistakes, to be perfect all the time. I hate that about my past…”

— Kurt Cobain

05/26/2025

O Hara is wishing everyone a happy and safe holiday weekend. She also wants to thank and honor the soldiers who faught and died to keep us free. Thank you! We salute you.

05/22/2025

Staying Grounded: Caring for Your Mental Health in Uncertain Political Times

In an age of 24/7 news cycles, social media overload, and growing political polarization, it's easy to feel overwhelmed, anxious, or even hopeless. Many of our clients have shared how the current political climate and global uncertainty leave them feeling emotionally drained and mentally unsettled.
While we can’t always control the world around us, we can take steps to stay grounded, preserve our well-being, and build resilience. Here are some strategies to help support your mental health during turbulent times.

1. Limit Media Consumption
It’s important to stay informed, but constant exposure to distressing news can heighten anxiety and create a sense of powerlessness. Try setting specific times of day to check news updates, and choose reliable, balanced sources. Take digital breaks when needed—and give yourself permission to unplug.

2. Focus on What You Can Control
When political events feel overwhelming, focusing on your personal actions can help you regain a sense of agency. This might mean voting, volunteering, donating to a cause you believe in, or simply taking care of your own physical and emotional health.

3. Maintain Daily Routines
In times of chaos, routine can be a powerful anchor. Simple daily habits—getting up at the same time, eating regular meals, exercising, journaling, or practicing a mindfulness technique—can provide a comforting structure and reduce stress.

4. Connect with Community
Isolation can magnify feelings of anxiety. Reach out to friends, family, or support groups where you feel safe and heard. Having open, respectful conversations—even with those who may disagree—can foster empathy and reduce the sense of division.

5. Practice Grounding Techniques
When anxiety spikes, grounding techniques can bring you back to the present moment. Try the 5-4-3-2-1 method (naming 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, 1 you can taste), deep breathing, or even a short walk outside to reconnect with your senses.

6. Seek Professional Support
You don’t have to navigate difficult times alone. Speaking with a mental health professional can provide a safe space to process emotions, reduce stress, and find personalized strategies for coping. Therapy isn’t about ignoring what’s happening—it’s about building the tools to face it with clarity and care.

We’re Here for You
At Central Jersey Psychotherapy, LLC, we understand how hard it can be to stay grounded when the world feels unstable. Our team is here to help you find calm, clarity, and connection—no matter what’s happening outside. If you're feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or stuck, please know that support is just a call or click away.
Ready to talk? Call, reach out today 908-516-3285 for a free and personalized consultation .

04/19/2025

**Surviving the Holidays: A Guide for Navigating Dysfunctional Family Gatherings or Spending Time Alone**

The holiday season is often painted as a time of joy, togetherness, and celebration, but for many, it can be a time of stress, anxiety, and emotional upheaval. Whether you’re gearing up to spend time with a dysfunctional family or facing the prospect of being alone during the holidays, there are ways to navigate this challenging period with grace and self-care. Here’s how to not just survive, but thrive, during the holidays.

Surviving a Dysfunctional Family Gathering

1. **Set Realistic Expectations:**
Understand that a perfect holiday gathering may not happen. Family dynamics can be complicated, especially in dysfunctional situations. Prepare yourself mentally by acknowledging potential triggers and conflicts, and remind yourself that it’s okay to lower your expectations.

2. **Create Boundaries:**
Determine what you will and will not tolerate during family gatherings. Communicate your boundaries clearly and calmly. Whether it’s avoiding certain topics of conversation or stepping out if tensions rise, having clear boundaries will help protect your emotional well-being.

3. **Practice Mindfulness:**
Stay grounded through mindfulness techniques. Take deep breaths, meditate in a quiet space for a few minutes, or engage in other calming practices. Mindfulness can help you remain centered and better equipped to handle stressful interactions.

4. **Have an Exit Strategy:**
Whether you need to leave early or take a break, having an exit strategy can give you peace of mind. Know when it’s time to step away to recharge, and don’t hesitate to excuse yourself if you feel overwhelmed.

5. **Focus on the Positives:**
Look for moments of joy, even if they are small. Focus on the people who uplift you or activities that bring you happiness. By shifting your attention to positive experiences, you can create a more enjoyable holiday atmosphere for yourself.

Embracing the Holidays Alone

1. **Create Your Own Traditions:**
If you find yourself spending the holidays alone, take this opportunity to create your own meaningful traditions. You could cook a special meal, start a new book, or binge-watch your favorite holiday movies. When you invest in your own experiences, the season can become more rewarding.

2. **Connect Virtually:**
If you can’t be with friends or family physically, make an effort to connect virtually. Video calls, online game nights, or even sending holiday cards can help you feel less isolated. Remember, you’re not alone in this; many people share similar experiences.

3. **Volunteer Your Time:**
Consider giving back to others in your community. Volunteering at a local shelter or participating in a charitable event can help you feel connected and fulfilled. Helping others often brings joy and can create a sense of belonging.

4. **Practice Self-Care:**
Prioritize self-care during the holidays. Engage in activities that bring you joy, whether it’s exercise, crafting, or indulging in a cozy night in. Taking care of your mind and body is essential for a fulfilling holiday season.

5. **Reflect and Set Intentions:**
Use this time to reflect on the year that has passed and set intentions for the year ahead. Journaling your thoughts or creating a vision board can help you channel your feelings productively and positively.

# # # Conclusion

The holidays can be a challenging time for many, but you have the power to navigate them on your terms. Whether you’re facing a dysfunctional family gathering or embracing solitude, focus on what brings you joy and peace. Remember, it’s okay to seek support from friends, counselors, or online communities during this time. By prioritizing your well-being, you can survive the holidays and create meaningful experiences for yourself. Embrace the journey, and know that brighter days are ahead.

04/19/2025

O'Hara is wishing everyone a Gappy end of Passovwr and Happy Easter! She will be balc woth a blog post of how to survive the holidays.

04/12/2025

This little girl has completed 58 visits ( times number of clients I see per day, which varries) in 3.5 months. She works 4 days per week, assisting me, serving people seeking support for mental health. She is the light of their day and gives them so much love. If she misses one day, clients are disappointed and miss her. To quote one person, " I needed so much to see O' Hara today, I am so hsppy she is here. She makes me feel happy." She has also had a couple of nursing home visits. She is a very good girl.

04/06/2025

The Transformative Power of Canine Companionship in Healing PTSD

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and anxiety disorders can profoundly impact a person's life, often making everyday tasks overwhelming. While there are various treatment options available, one increasingly recognized method is the incorporation of service dogs into therapeutic processes. At [Your Psychotherapy Practice Name], we are dedicated to helping those struggling with PTSD and anxiety disorders, and we believe in the incredible benefits that dogs can offer during the healing journey.

Dogs as Emotional Support

Dogs are known for their unwavering loyalty and companionship. For individuals dealing with the aftermath of trauma, having a dog can provide an emotional anchor. The simple act of petting a dog can reduce stress levels and alleviate anxiety. Their instinctual ability to sense human emotions allows them to respond to their owners with empathy, creating a safe environment conducive to healing.

The Science Behind Canine Companionship

Numerous studies demonstrate the psychological benefits of having a dog, particularly for those suffering from PTSD. The presence of a dog can trigger the release of oxytocin, a hormone associated with bonding and reducing stress. Moreover, dogs can help lower cortisol levels, leading to decreased anxiety and improved overall mental health.

Service Dogs and PTSD

Service dogs are trained to assist individuals with PTSD by recognizing signs of distress and providing comfort during difficult moments. They can alert their owners during panic attacks, perform grounding techniques, or simply provide a comforting presence, which can help individuals regain a sense of control over their lives. The bond that develops between a service dog and their owner can serve as a lifeline, promoting a sense of safety and security.

Implementing Dog-Assisted Therapy in Your Healing Journey

At Central Jersey Psychotherapy, LLC, we understand the powerful role that pets can play in a therapeutic setting. We advocate for dog-assisted therapy as a complementary approach to traditional psychotherapy. By incorporating these gentle companions into our treatment plans, we aim to enhance the overall healing experience for our clients.

During therapy sessions, we may explore the emotional attachments and experiences that clients have with their dogs. This discussion can facilitate a deeper understanding of the client's feelings and promote coping strategies that are essential in managing PTSD and anxiety. Additionally, we can guide clients in finding the right canine partner, whether it be through service dog programs or therapy animals.

Building Connections and Community

Connecting with others who have similar experiences can be incredibly healing. Through our practice, we foster a community where clients can share their journeys, challenges, and successes. We often host support groups that include topics on dog companionship, allowing clients to discuss the unique bond they share with their pets.

Take the First Step Towards Healing

If you or someone you know is struggling with PTSD or anxiety disorders, take a step towards healing today. At [Your Psychotherapy Practice Name], we offer a holistic approach to therapy that includes exploring the benefits of canine companionship. Together, we can develop a personalized treatment plan that incorporates both traditional therapy and the support that only a dog can bring.

Don’t hesitate to reach out—let us help you rediscover the joys of life, one paw at a time.

Contact Us:

For more information or to schedule a consultation, please visit our website at www.SusanMartinez.net or call us at 908-516-3285. We look forward to supporting you on your healing journey!

Remember, healing is possible, and you don't have to do it alone. The bond with a dog might just be the first step you need to take.

03/25/2025

New and exciting weighted blanket here at Central Jersey Psychotherapy, LLC. Come on in an say hello to our new weighted blanket. Clients really love her soothing and sweet presence. Many report feeling less anxious, calm and grounded after working eith O' Hara. Call to set up your appointment today. 908-516-3285.
www.SusanMartinez.net