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Improve with Janice, Hoboken, NJ (2025)

07/18/2022

When planning a long drive, road trippers also think about where to fit in a rest stop along the way. Perhaps it’s short and just long enough to find a washroom or refill a water bottle. Maybe it’s a purposely extended break before returning to the drive.

It’s this “rest stop mentality” of planning breaks—for comfort, for quality of experience, for sanity of participants—that we can draw on during tough “runs” in our day or week. If you see your calendar has long stretch without a break, what ways can you ensure there is an appropriate rest stop along the journey?

If you struggle with taking moments for yourself, this may be related to more than just a busy calendar. See if life coaching can help you sort your time and priorities to help find needed rest stops along the way.

07/11/2022

If you don’t speak up, the outcome you prefer may be cast aside due to someone else’s preference. When it’s a minor inconvenience—having Mexican when you were craving Greek for dinner—it might not feel compelling to speak up. However, it’s important to recognize instances when asserting your opinion or preference is critical.

Why It’s Challenging
There are many common reasons why people may suppress their opinion. When the opinion differs from the masses (like in a group meeting when everyone seems to be on board with the “other” way), it can feel uncomfortable to go against the grain. If there is an authority figure in play (perhaps a medical specialist is strongly urging for a treatment option or type), it can seem intimidating to question them. Or when emotions may run high (spouse may feel strongly about a topic and offering a divergent opinion may seem offending), it might feel safer to stay quiet.

Reframe Your Position
In situations where it feels like you’re outranked, it’s important to recognize your role and that speaking up is valuable. If you are in a meeting, let’s assume your input is valued. By internalizing your ideas or concerns you may be withholding a valuable perspective that others have overlooked. In decisions regarding your medical care, it’s key to recognize the importance of “fit” for your care based on your preferences and priorities. If you planned a grand vacation, you might consider an elective procedure at a later date instead of immediately. Likewise, if a spouse feels strongly about a shared topic—like whether to attempt IVF for a 3rd time—but you have a differing opinion, talking through the details of financial and emotional investment together is proper rather than accepting a unilateral decision even if the decision made together is the same outcome.

Feel unsure how to start tough conversations? Consider life coaching to find ways to better advocate for yourself so you are prepared for when it may matter most.

07/04/2022

So often life coaching is useful when facing tough decisions that cause internal, and perhaps external, conflict. People can lose sleep, appetite, and quality of life when feeling overwhelmed with an “impossible” decision. Anxieties can grow or productivity can shudder during such a period of decision-making turmoil.

A good first step towards arriving at a decision is to recognize that multiple influences may be in play: emotional, logical, historical, perhaps cultural. Try to determine if a certain influence should have more sway than another. For instance, what if you are debating whether to buy that home that’s out of your price range?

Emotional: Can you picture in detail how adorable your kids would play with the other young neighbors on the cul-de-sac? Have you always wanted to live in that posh neighborhood?

Logical: Is the school system well regarded and well-funded? How is the commute for parent? Is the square footage adequate, ideal, or excessive?

Historical: Have you bid on a home before and continued to come in second or third? Have you been looking for an extended period and been unable to pull things together on past opportunities?

Cultural: Did your siblings/parents/friends have their own home by this age/stage of life? Perhaps there is a “keeping up with the Jones’s” mentality at play.

Additionally, consider pros and cons as well as weight of what’s important to you that might make your decision different from someone else’s. If finances are tight, the decision of whether to buy that home that’s out of your price range may tip more toward logic than emotion. Identifying pressures felt and whether they *should* factor into the equations can obviate soft or blind spots and help improve your decision-making confidence. Working with a life coach may help you understand such influences and arrive to a better decision with improved speed and peace of mind. If something is weighing on you, reach out to get started today.

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06/13/2022

Many people feel relaxed in settings with clean lines and minimal clutter. Yet many households struggle with combatting the daily clutter of things like mail and items entering the home that do not have an assigned storage place yet. While it would certainly be ideal to magically blink and clear all the clutter at once, it takes time and effort, often lots of both.

I have found that starting in a small space without sentimental objects, say the junk drawer in the kitchen, to be the easiest. Dump the drawer, clean the space, and then place back what is needed while rehoming or tossing what doesn’t belong. Then—the most important step—defend this space! The next time you think to “stash it there just for now”, don’t. Then slowly expand. Perhaps next you clear and clean the counter that is just by the drawer. Junk mail cannot be placed there. Groceries that didn’t fit into the pantry cannot live there. Only the things that belong in that space return to that space.

Using the verb “defend” may seem silly at first, but it is key. The idea is to realize that it will take protective measures to maintain the changes in the short term as you continue to clear the clutter and find more permanent places for items that make the cut. Need extra motivation? Try taking a before and after picture when doing decluttering projects. It can be satisfying to see the changes that are directly related to your efforts! What will be your starting space?

06/05/2022

For many, thoughts of self-doubt are a daily experience. “Do I really know what I’m doing on this work project?” “People seem further along in their life goals…am I behind?” Frequently we hear messages to quiet doubts. Should we totally ignore these thoughts? Maybe. But self-doubt can be both an advantage and disadvantage.

Self-doubt advantage
By questioning ourselves, it creates a moment of self-assessment. If our assessment accurately determines we are not hitting the mark, this could be motivating data to help right the trajectory. If you notice you are falling behind, acceptance and acknowledgment could be a helpful first step towards finding a solution. Or, this moment of reflection could reveal you are in fact prepared, which might lead to a well-earned boost in self-esteem.

Self-doubt disadvantage
If self-doubt is more of a constant conversation despite proper preparation and proper skills/knowledge, this might cripple forward progress or stop us from seeking further opportunities. If you erroneously see your capabilities as sub par, it can corrode confidence—both in yourself and in other’s perception of you.

Self-doubt, in measured application, does not need to be avoided. Rather, taking a moment to acknowledge the feeling and following with fact checking may help to determine if you can appropriately put the doubt to rest or if a remedy might be required. If you struggle with self-doubt and need help with boosting confidence, consider life coaching to help you in your process.

06/05/2022

For many, thoughts of self doubt are a daily experience. “Do I really know what I’m doing on this work project?” “People seem further along in their life goals…am I behind?” Frequently we hear messages to quiet doubts. Should we totally ignore these thoughts? Maybe. But self doubt can be both an advantage and disadvantage.

Self doubt advantage
By questioning ourselves, it creates a moment of self assessment. If our assessment accurately determines we are not hitting the mark, this could be motivating data to help right the trajectory. If you notice you are falling behind, acceptance and acknowledgment could be a helpful first step towards finding a solution. Or, this moment of reflection could reveal you are in fact prepared, which might lead to a well-earned self esteem boost.

Self doubt disadvantage
If self doubt is more of a constant conversation despite proper preparation and proper skills/knowledge, this might cripple forward progress or stop us from seeking further opportunities. If you erroneously see your capabilities as sub par, it can corrode confidence—both in yourself and in other’s perception of you.

Self doubt, in measured application, does not need to be avoided. Rather, taking a moment to acknowledge the feeling and following with fact checking may help to determine if you can appropriately put the doubt to rest or if a remedy might be required. If you struggle with self doubt and need help with boosting confidence, consider life coaching to help you in your process.

05/29/2022

Recently, while using a whisk to make whipped cream, the thought of “our immersion blender would have been so much easier” crossed my mind while feeling my arm’s fatigue grow. What an easier and quicker way to reach the same outcome! This is exactly the type of moment that can serve as a springboard for reflection: “What else am I doing the hard way?”

It’s natural to have default ways to accomplish things, but as we grow and gain different skills and/or resources, it is wise to reassess if there may be a better way. For example, at a recent dinner party, I witnessed the host effortlessly prep some herbs in under a minute where it would have taken me over 5 to do the same. I’m not known for my prowess in the kitchen, so I have lots of examples of working harder in this realm. He used the same tools I have, but had a different (read: superior) way to do it. I hadn’t bothered to look into proper prep techniques because it didn’t take *that* long (unlike being motivated to look up how to prep butternut squash after my lengthy first attempt which seemed hazardous to fingers).

If you notice there is something that is taking you longer or is more difficult for you to complete, there might be a smarter way to reach the outcome. While learning more (attaining skill) or using a different resource (blender instead of a whisk) are straightforward options, you may also consider outsourcing as an option (buy prechopped butternut squash). How could you try to work smarter, not harder, in your day-to-day?

05/23/2022

Perspective plays a major role in how we judge our situation. For example, if you were in a multi-car pile-up on the highway where your car was totaled and you fractured your leg, you might think various thoughts. How there’ll be a financial hardship between needing new car and time out of work due to injury. The dread of having to search for a car and deal with *that* whole process. You may feel overwhelmed about how unlucky you were to be in that pack of cars instead of the ones just before the accident. You may wonder how you will still meet your home demands.

But what changes if that same multi-car pile-up had 70% fatalities for those involved? Maybe your car trouble and leg cast seem almost lucky by comparison. The perspective shifts where we think we fall on the sliding scale of terrible and great outcomes.

With people feeling more closed off from friends and family related to COVID, I find perspective has also been impacted.

🚨When our world feels small, our problems feel big.

We have decreased interactions and therefore limited perspectives. When we get together for dinners with friends, catching up and hearing about the “good” and the “bad” helps us feel out where we fit. Are other friends struggling with increased family time at home? You’re not a bad parent if it’s hard to balance extra demands when daycare is closed for a week. Are other friends feeling down about cancelled trips and lost opportunities? Do you find other couples with a strong relationship are feeling new stressors without the balance of social activities they previously had?

While you might not be able to resume “normal” based on varying factors, you could find that broadening your world, and therefore perspective, helps. Talk with others. Expand your resources and reconnect with people you may have lost touch with over recent years. Work on making a more balanced view of your situation and your place in the world. Plot your feelings on a new scale. Reach out for help as well as offer help to others. By expanding your world, you may find—in addition to other benefits—your problems shrink in perspective.

05/16/2022

If we treat our calendar like a modern-day dance card—reserving times for priority partners as well as time to rest—we should be able to align our calendar with our priorities.

Take a moment to list your top 3 priorities. Now, take a glimpse at your calendar for last week. Do you see your priorities reflected? Would someone be able to guess that, for instance, quality time with your spouse/parent/friend is a “top 3” based on your calendar?

Maybe last week was especially busy or a fluke. Note: many of us turn to explanations (aka excuses) in this scenario. In that case, try looking forward into the upcoming week to gauge how aligned the schedule and priorities are. If you notice a gap still exists, what can change both in the immediate future as well as moving forward if larger adjustments are needed? Do you find your days are jammed with activities that do not serve you or your goals? Remember your time should not be based on a “first come, first serve” booking rubric.

If you notice a mismatch, establish how to better reflect your priorities in your schedule. If you struggle with saying no or opting out of extra responsibilities, consider your options and your costs. Think you might benefit from learning new tips and techniques to help achieve a better balance? Consider life coaching to help you get there.

05/09/2022

Anyone who owns plants knows there is no one-size-fits-all approach to care. Some plants are hardy and grow in most conditions. Other plants require exacting attention and nutrients or risk near-instant death. It doesn’t mean that one plant is better or more beautiful, but rather that different conditions apply for them to thrive.

Friendships can be similar.

To keep them healthy you might have to adjust attention level, space given (or not), and environmental factors. If you understand the ideal care for each friendship, you can watch each develop into a healthy state. Keep in mind, some people may require an environment which you may not be able to provide given your own situation. If there is no place for a high maintenance addition, it might be better to not take on the responsibility of care. Additionally, remember that some plants are weeds and are better removed than drawing on limited resources.

To best cultivate or propagate relationships that are healthy and resilient, try determining what environment might be ideal for the specific friend. Need help determining ways to help your various relationships blossom? Try life coaching to help identify and make the improvements.

05/02/2022

In both professional and personal relationships, many issues are avoidable if you teach people how to treat you. Think about when you meet someone new. You can learn plenty about them and the way they hope to embark on a relationship by verbal and non-verbal cues. Do they give you a wave at a distance when being introduced or do they hug you at first greeting? Do they smile and act casual or give a sense of formality and rigidity? They are inadvertently teaching you how they want to be interacted with. You can do this, too!

Personal Teaching
If you hope to build a friendship that is meaningful, behave in meaningful ways. Discuss topics of greater depth and demonstrate a level of vulnerability you are comfortable with. Do you crave friendships that are low drama and don’t require instant replies? You can say this! Recently a friend was concerned that she missed an important date by a few days and was down on herself for being “a bad friend.” This couldn’t have been further from the truth. After reassuring her that friendship quality is not based on such a detail for me, it was much easier to return to a simple, guilt-free conversation. No stress was felt on my end and no stress was needed on hers.

Workplace Teaching
Teaching can also be very valuable for work interactions. Want to avoid late night texts or weekend emails with action items? First, be sure you don’t send them. If you need to communicate something in real time as an exception, explain that it is the exception and otherwise such conversations can be reserved for work hours. Likewise, if your job duty does not require constant monitoring, do not self-elect to monitor/respond during off hours. Coworkers will learn that responses are timely when appropriate and otherwise will be tabled until a more suitable time.

If you’ve already fallen into a relationship without ideal conventions, consider life coaching to help troubleshoot and transform these into improved relationships to benefit both parties.

04/17/2022

While most of us are aware that life could be easier if we are organized, not enough realize that organization pays.💰 But it’s true, and I would like to draw attention to that very fact. When we are better organized, we can actually see a difference in monies kept or returned. Here are some examples of how organization pays.

Free trials
For anyone who finds multiple charges after a free trial ends, you know what I mean. In an effort to avoid this predicament, set a reminder. I do just this by setting a reminder in my phone a week before the trial ends with a prompt to manually cancel before the first charge is applied.

Subscription services
It is difficult to keep track of the various subscription services you actively use or could do without. This is where some organization helps. If you track what you are paying for monthly against what you use monthly, you can more easily see what subscriptions to keep and which are unnecessary.

Tax-deductible donations
What about donations over the year? By logging receipts and paperwork in real time, it is easier to correctly deduct monies spent at tax time in an effort to reduce tax owed or possibly qualify for a refund.

Work Reimbursements/Benefits
Finally, for those who have work reimbursements, organization can be very valuable. Not only should you track reimbursable items, but also the date submitted and date paid (and possibly how, if helpful; i.e. payroll, check, petty cash). This helps to ensure you are not erroneously paying out of pocket by forgetting to submit or failing to realize the reimbursement was not processed. Additionally, if you have a budget that is “use it or lose it” be sure to track spending to ensure optimized benefit use.

With a habit of simple organization, you can easily identify valuable funds that could remain or return to your pocket. What could you start tracking or organizing that might fit your situation?

Improve with Janice

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