12/01/2020
Today I woke up to a sharp shooting pain down the left side from my belly to my upper thigh. Every month this pain returns to me, sometimes it is barely noticeable for months at a time and other times the pain is debilitating causing me to cry out and moan as it comes in excruciating waves. My first experience with endometriosis came on fast and suddenly thirteen years ago, the summer I turned thirty. It took another three years of spiraling into depression, fear, and helplessness before I got a diagnosis and surgery.
It was shortly after my diagnosis that I joined my first Red Tent women’s circle. In the process of beginning to honor my body, my connections with other women and how important self-care is I started questioning how the current paradigm shames women, their bodies, and their menstrual cycles. Was this part of the reason women experienced so much pain and developed endometrisis and other disorders of the reproductive system? What if we lived in a culture where women listened to their bodies, honored them as the source of all human life, took rest monthly and shared our stories with one another?
What if little girls young women were regularly exposed to adult women who did this? What if we honored our elder women and their wisdom?
Over the years since my first experience with endometriosis my relationship with my body has changed. I have learned to listen to the wisdom of my body, to slow down, to go inside my Red Tent, rest, renew and take pause.
I have noticed a direct correlation between my stress levels and my symptoms. When my stress is high my pain increases, sometimes dramatically. My pain knocks me down and I have no choice but to listen to her wisdom.
When I am feeling confident, content, and healthy my symptoms can completely disappear for a time. My body and my spirit love intense physical activity, time outdoors, and regular meaningful connections with other women.
Another significant correlation I noticed recently is my relationship to money and how it affects the endo symptoms. It makes sense, when I think about how the second chakra is all about s*x, power and creativity. If I’m struggling with financial issues or dependent on others for support financially my creativity and power suffocate and I definitely feel much less s*xy.
When I am strong, active, financially independent, connected to my own rhythms and the rhythms of nature I feel powerful and s*xy. It is when I am in this sweet spot that my symptoms dissipate.
Of course I am not eating junk and I take high quality supplements, get rest, and drink a ton of water too. And doing all this is so much easier when I’m in my place of power.
I have some thoughts on how the similar experiences of disempowerment manifest in men…..but I’ll share that another time.
