04/22/2022
Hi everyone, I don't even know where to begin. I am so behind grateful to all of you that have helped make this dream a reality..but I have to be honest for a minute I've been struggling...mainly physically, but let's be honest the mental and emotional stuff usually comes with it too.
For those that don't know..I've struggled with an inflammatory auto immune disease for a number of years now. I was on immunosuppressive drugs which although kept the inflammation away, seemed to make everything else feel worse. Completely exhausted all of the time. Constantly dizzy..especially if I try to move to quickly. Different flus and colds seeming like back to back to back...the list goes on.
After a few years of going in circles with doctors and trying to find answers on how to just feel "normal" again..out of options I thought I would give the nutrition/functional medicine side of things a go. I had nothing left to lose. I had a battery of blood tests done..checking my hormone levels, food sensitivities, gut health etc...come to find out, my body was alot more unhappy than I ever thought. I was put on a strict diet and supplementation regime for 90 days. I'm going to be honest the first few days were horrible, but suddenly it's like the fog lifted and I felt like myself again. I began to have energy to actually do the things I wanted to do, and not just "get through the day". I got my body in the best shape it's ever been in and was finally in the process of coming off all medication.
And theeennnnnnn I got pregnant 🤣 because my hormone levels were normal again! 🙃
With pregnancy, I had to come off all medication anyways since what I was on could cause some pretty serious complications for the baby.. but with my body so distracted growing a human instead of attacking itself.. I felt great my whole pregnancy! I didn't have ANY issues without any medication, my eyes didn't swell once! Fast forward 1.5 years after having our beautiful baby boy I am still with no medication! Although I don't feel as great as I did pre-pregnancy, overall I felt pretty good..
This brings us to January 2022.. I make the choice that I wanted to start teaching dance classes again! This turns into the option of renting out our old space, and pursuing my dream of owning my own studio and I could not have been happier! About the same time, I get promoted at work! Awesome! I was SO proud of everything I had accomplished to this point. Beautiful little family, moving up in my career, starting my own business in a place that was so special to me.. It felt like everything was all falling into place! I start classes, and remember exactly why I loved to teach and dance so much and how much I NEED it in my life.
About a week in.. we catch covid. About 2 weeks after that, my eyes start swelling again.. this leads to doctors..which leads to discovering my inflammation is starting to get out of control again. This leads to prednisone as a hopeful temporary fix to get the swelling to go down. As I taper off of the prednisone, the swelling starts to increase again. Since they didn't want me on the prednisone for much longer (this was over 6 weeks later at this point) it was decided the only other option is to go back onto the immunospressants. I was heartbroken. I had worked SO hard to get to the point where my body was healthy enough to not need them anymore. I was mad at myself for letting it all go. Life was crazy, and I used that as an excuse.
I work so hard to try and have it all.. being a good spouse and trying to find 2 seconds together..being the best mom I can to Peter, and all the things that come with making sure he is taken care if..making sure the house is clean, the dishes and laundry are done, we have the food and supplies we need.. then being a manager at work and making sure everyone is taking care of there, and then throwing in running a business and wanting to give everything I can to these awesome kids and community.
Eventually something had to give and unfortunately it is my health. These last 3 weeks have been tough. Sickness has ripped through our house, all at the same time of starting back on these horrible meds. My body feels weak, and I don't feel like myself. I feel like it's taking all of the energy I have in me to get through the day and to be as present of a parent as I can be. To crash in bed at the end of the night, to wake up and do it all over again. 7 days a week.
All of this long winded story brings me to this.. after many many tearful discussions I've come to the heartbreaking decision to postpone classes for hopefully a short period of time until I can get my health back in order. I can't possibly be done forever and I plan on being back as soon as I can. I don't know what that will mean for the space, but I will cross that hurdle when it comes. I can't even begin to tell you how hard of a decision this was for me. This studio and what it provides to not only myself but these kids means everything to me but if I don't get my health back in order I won't be in a position to help anybody. I enjoy making sure everyone else is taken care of, I'm the mamma. But it's not as easy for me to do it for myself, which made this decision so hard.
I'm going to be honest I feel like I failed, and it's hard to put that out to the public. All I know is, I don't want to feel like this anymore. I've done it once and I will do it again. I WILL be back! I don't know exactly when yet, or maybe where but I will be back. In the meantime, I will try and post how my journey is going, if nothing else to keep myself accountable and to hopefully to help even 1 person know they are not alone. Someone can appear like they have it all together, but you never know what someone is going through. I love you all for the outpouring of love I've received since opening, which makes it so much harder. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, and I will see you all soon ❤️
