
08/01/2023
I’ve been revamping my parenting style the last few weeks. A friend recommended the book Hunt, Gather, Parent, and there’s quite a lot in it that’s making sense to me. I am an introvert, and my experience with parenting has been overwhelming in how much direct attention and chit chat Theo desires.
With Persephone added to the family, and my tired, slowly healing postpartum body, I have had a pretty short fuse. I’m a grumpier mom than I thought I would be.
The most prominent concept from the book that I have been employing is to do fewer child centric activities, and instead bring the child(ren) into the adult world more often. Generally this means allowing the child to do chores imperfectly at young ages so they can grow in the practice. Children like to emulate parents so if you let your child sweep alongside you when they are young, they will be inclined to pick up the broom and start sweeping without being asked as teens. Because the act of doing the chore is entwined with familial connection.
It’s been fairly exhausting mentally to navigate life and begin implementing the new ideas. But it’s been lovely to see how responsive Theo is to it. He would always rather chop a vegetable for dinner alongside me than play with toys or be separated. So I’m choosing to be more purposeful in choosing foods routinely that he can help prepare.
Yesterday I was swimming with Theo in a lap lane. I was giving him technique instructions, and since he didn’t seem to be using any of my suggestions I was getting frustrated. Plus he was so chatty. I just wanted to put my head under and swim, and come up for air. I wanted to focus on my breath and move the energy I was feeling.
But I was tied to my son in that moment. He’s not ready to be in the deep with nothing but a kick board. I remembered how on swim team we would chat whenever we were doing kick board sets… even though the coaches would tell us to be quiet and focus… just as I had been saying to Theo.
I decidedly changed my tone, smiled, and asked him, “what’s your favorite thing about swimming?”
His grin held the sun itself as he said, “swimming in the lane WITH YOU!”
This is what I need to remember each day. 💙