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Natalie Pfund, Honolulu, HI (2025)

08/01/2023

I’ve been revamping my parenting style the last few weeks. A friend recommended the book Hunt, Gather, Parent, and there’s quite a lot in it that’s making sense to me. I am an introvert, and my experience with parenting has been overwhelming in how much direct attention and chit chat Theo desires.

With Persephone added to the family, and my tired, slowly healing postpartum body, I have had a pretty short fuse. I’m a grumpier mom than I thought I would be.

The most prominent concept from the book that I have been employing is to do fewer child centric activities, and instead bring the child(ren) into the adult world more often. Generally this means allowing the child to do chores imperfectly at young ages so they can grow in the practice. Children like to emulate parents so if you let your child sweep alongside you when they are young, they will be inclined to pick up the broom and start sweeping without being asked as teens. Because the act of doing the chore is entwined with familial connection.

It’s been fairly exhausting mentally to navigate life and begin implementing the new ideas. But it’s been lovely to see how responsive Theo is to it. He would always rather chop a vegetable for dinner alongside me than play with toys or be separated. So I’m choosing to be more purposeful in choosing foods routinely that he can help prepare.

Yesterday I was swimming with Theo in a lap lane. I was giving him technique instructions, and since he didn’t seem to be using any of my suggestions I was getting frustrated. Plus he was so chatty. I just wanted to put my head under and swim, and come up for air. I wanted to focus on my breath and move the energy I was feeling.

But I was tied to my son in that moment. He’s not ready to be in the deep with nothing but a kick board. I remembered how on swim team we would chat whenever we were doing kick board sets… even though the coaches would tell us to be quiet and focus… just as I had been saying to Theo.

I decidedly changed my tone, smiled, and asked him, “what’s your favorite thing about swimming?”

His grin held the sun itself as he said, “swimming in the lane WITH YOU!”

This is what I need to remember each day. 💙

07/12/2023

39 is almost 40. 40 is closer to 50 than it is to 20. 38 was a very humbling year after a few easier and expansive ones. 38 gave me a lot more gray hairs, but thanks to some great shampoo my hair is also growing longer and healthier.

I’m 8 months postpartum, and like I said it’s been a humbling year - so I’ve been gentle with myself and turned the other way when I reach for more sugar… but then I saw a side angle photo of me with the kids and my jawline didn’t exist. I started face yoga that day. And cut back on sugar this week.

That might be a vain marker of reality, but I believe in noticing checkpoints that matter to us personally. I promised myself in my twenties that I would hold my standards in what I believe in. That I would never look back and say something to the affect of, “I used to be strong,” or, “I used to be so healthy.”

I didn’t know back then how much pregnancy and motherhood can throw you off balance, but it’s only important I know now that I’m only ever a few choices away from the level of health and freedom in my body that I want. I choose health.

I’m on my way back to postural freedom in my body through pelvic floor physical therapy, and the life stressors have finally slowed down… so it’s the right time to reevaluate and ground myself in better health and habits again.

39 is my year of deepening into motherhood while creating freedom in my body once again. A year of learning to cultivate health, vitality, and energy in seemingly small, invisible moments.

I get one body in this life (thanks be to God). From inside this body I get to enjoy my family. I get to experience all the human feelings and adventures. I’m thankful for another year of being alive - having the opportunity to learn and grow.

As so much of this season is not about me, I’ve craved to learn a new skill. 39 is also the year I’ll be learning to sew (with all my free time 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣)🪡. Hopefully the learning curve isn’t too steep and you’ll see pics of my creations soon.💙✨💕🥳

06/25/2023

I’ve never been more thankful for the mundane. Every so often life gives each of us some trials that can up-level us and shift our perspective.

The last year has been a sequence of reorientations, one after another. One thing I admire about myself in it all is my ability to get knocked down, stand up, see which way I’m supposed to be facing and just start moving forward. Even as I write this I’m realizing that maybe the lesson is that I don’t have to “move forward,” I get to simply, be.

I get to be with my family.
I get to be with my kids all day.
I get to be in the middle of the mess that is our real life in our fully lived in home.
I get to be the chef.
I get to be the laundry queen.
I get to be the chauffeur.
I get to be the person that will eventually plant the orchid currently laying sideways on the banister because it can’t stand up.
I get to be the milk maker.
I get to be the teacher.
I get to be the temperature taker and nurturer.
I get to be the pinworm egg assassin.
I get to make immunity boosting smoothies.
I get to repeat myself 5 million times a day.
I get to be a mother.
(Clifford does all these things too except he doesn’t make milk 🤷🏻‍♀️- just my expression from my side of the aisle).

Last weekend with a temperature of only 101 Persephone had a febrile seizure. Only a few months ago we had a different kind of scare with Theo. Both episodes clarified my heart and perspective.

I feel my message. Though I am tired, under slept, over stimulated, and deeply desiring quality alone time, I also feel a deeper connection than ever to the blessing that is being their mother.

It’s okay that I’m imperfect. It’s okay that the overwhelm gets me sometimes. It’s okay that I have brain fried days. This under slept and ever touched season will pass. And I will absolutely miss my small children.

For now I’m here doing my absolute best no matter what comes our way.

I get to be their mom and I’m eternally grateful.

To all of you who keep showing up, standing in your present moments, and doing your best for your families: well done! Thank you for committing your life to our next generation. They are worth it. I hope your whole house sleeps well tonight.

06/13/2023

I share vulnerable things, here’s my why:

I share vulnerable things, but often not when I’m in the thick of my emotions. So I usually don’t feel vulnerable when I share. I love the human condition and I love to write. It’s seems natural to write about the human condition as I know it and as I look for understanding about it.

I don’t write just for myself. I believe that though we humans are all unique and beautiful in our own ways, we are also more alike than we are different. All of us.

I believe that taking care of our mental health looks different for each of us at different points in time. But something that I believe is helpful for all of us, all the time is to be able to articulate what we feel and identify why we are feeling it. As the years have gone by I’ve grown to understand that that is one of my gifts. Strange but true; I’m pretty darn good at putting words to emotional concepts. I hope this can benefit others.

The online world is full of filters and highlight moments in unrealistically clean houses, unrealistically clean and matching outfits on children, and unrealistically styled hair. I believe it’s important to be normal and talk about normal. Normal in this case being - unfiltered and imperfect. Human.

The hard concepts don’t have to be messy or embarrassing just because they are not the most polished and filtered version of ourselves. Rather, in our real humanness we have the opportunity to be and feel seen, heard, and valued. That is connection. So many of us are “connected” but aren’t experiencing connection.

That’s my why. Whether through my writing or the comments section, I hope at least a few people feel connection - or identify something that will help them build stronger connection in their life.

Now I hope to finish knitting this baby blanket before the baby wakes up. :) And by enjoying my sense of completion with this project - I will not be doing a chore that needs to get done. And that is what it is.

I appreciate you. 💙

06/12/2023

“Other people go through worse.” All in all my life is really good. And I know it’s not constructive to compare, but as I’ve been going through a season of “hurdling practice,” I find myself asking how other people do it all.

Today I was thinking about other mothers who are postpartum and getting up every day to manage their family, their homes, their jobs, and figure out the solutions to any issues that are presenting. Some days your best is 15%. Some days you make it to 85%. You’re chronically under slept, the laundry never ends, and even though you just washed the last dish - the sink is full again.

And your body hurts. You didn’t do a workout or your physical therapy homework this week because the kids were sick. And the week before there were extra school functions for the end of the year. And the week before that was head lice or pinworms, or — pick your poison. Something went down and it meant that you barely even looked in the mirror… and your armpits probably stink. 🤪

Having a second baby has changed my vantage point drastically.

If you’re going through it lately too, I’m sorry you’re having to hold and untangle so much all at once. You will get through it.

What I keep returning to in my thoughts is - we need to purposefully invest in rebuilding community. Too many families are operating as islands.

It’s popularized to talk about poor mental health - but are we talking about how much mothers today have to hold that generations previous did not hold at the same capacity?

Times are different.

Here on social media it can seem like people are more invested in politics and division than connecting. But I imagine that on the other side of our screens, many people are just trying to make it through the day, trudging through the overwhelm and giving as much to their families as they can.

What do you think? What can we each do to help build healthier community? Does your family operate as an island? Or do you have community support? Genuinely curious about your thoughts! 💙

04/25/2023

There’s only one name I call on for spiritual protection; Jesus Christ.

I’ve been a false teacher these last few years, and I have to make it right.

A few weeks ago I experienced a nightmare in real life. To honor others involved I will not and cannot share the story in detail. It has to be vague. I’m sorry if that’s frustrating or off putting.

What I’m open to sharing and what I feel is important to share is that in real, awake, non meditative, non metaphorical, non spirituality related life - I spoke with evil.

In the moment I was strong and instinctive. I called on Jesus, I prayed in full faith and He ended the nightmare.

I was shaken to my core. I am forever changed and humbled by the grace of God. In the moment my bravery and faith kicked in, but afterwards the reality of how terrifying the event was set in. I’m still healing.

I had an immediate knowing that the Akashic Records were the portal it came through. But of course I didn’t want to believe that.

So I prayed that God would give me the signs I needed to know for certain. The signs came in clear as day. The signs came through my dreams as well as different people in different conversations saying the same exact messages to me.

This story is layered and the aftermath is a process. Healing is a process. I’ve thrown out all my occult related books and I’m in the process of removing all of my branding and calls to action related to the work I was offering.

I am deeply sorry for guiding from an unholy space.

In terms of positive mindset, living in alignment with God, soul truth, and love, I know I’ve spoken from my heart in what I believe to be true. It has always been and still is my intention to spread love and empowerment.

Where I went wrong was engaging with and leading from a space that is not the pure space many claim it to be. I am sorry. I am working on forgiving myself and accepting the love and forgiveness of Jesus.

04/12/2023

I love being a mother. I’m thankful to be a mother.

And it’s hard. It’s hard to navigate the always changing needs and developmental stages of our children. It’s hard to stay up to date with what’s happening in the world so we can contribute to creating the world we want for our children.

I remember when I nursed Theo I would often feel like crying and/or falling asleep the second he latched on. My OB at that time told me that was in my head.

When I nurse Persephone I have the same kind of phenomenon occur… and this time around I have more mom friends to talk to and I know it IS A THING.

When I notice human conditions like this I often ask myself what would be the evolutionary purpose of mothers of small children being taken to such emotional depths several times a day. When this happens I find myself thinking about other people who may not enjoy the study of emotional intelligence as I do. I find myself empathetic to women who may not realize this is a literal hormonal response in the body.

And yet, some doctors don’t believe it’s real. Other doctors may write a prescription.

I can tell you that medication isn’t what my gut is telling me I need.

What mothers need is

C O M M U N I T Y.

Mothers need to not be “doing it all.”

Our society has isolated the family unit. The emotional and hormonal roller coaster that new motherhood can be, to me, indicates that we are not meant to be alone in the thick of our days.

We are meant to have family and friends in varying seasons of their life engaging in familial community.

My wish - is that we rebuild community with one another. My wish is that when you see or hear a mother lose her s**t you move in and offer help… because she is mothering in a era where motherhood is more isolated and pressurized than ever before.

I’ve started a local playgroup for mothers to plan play dates and build stronger community. If you’re not in it yet, ask me for the info. :)

If you’re inspired by the idea, few free to ask me about it so you can start one in your area.

04/09/2023

We are all God’s children.

Our debt has been paid by the one who came to show us unity consciousness.

There are politics of today that don’t settle well in my being. But saying my interpretation of truth plainly will do no good in the quality of the fabric as we aim to weave the blanket of humanity.

I ask myself questions like:
-What is it to be aligned with God?
-What action is in alignment with the consciousness of Christ and the gift he brought to earth?
-What is it to honor and live by my own innate truth and soul’s remembrance without making assumptions for others and taking from their own path of remembering?

But I also ask questions like:
-What does it look and feel like when others impose their truth and path on mine?
-What boundaries can I set to foster peace within myself and my house when it seems that the beliefs of others may threaten my perception of safety.

For grounding reference- I am not speaking from one side of the political spectrum. I am speaking from a place that has felt and read the energy from many points of view within the whole. And within that, my human self does form opinions.

But I’m not convinced my opinions matter more than the questions I am lead to contemplate.

What does it look like to love each other in our differentness?

Would we be trying to change what we perceive as the “other” if we fully loved and accepted ourselves first?

These questions can be applied from every point on the spectrum of humanity and human evolution.

I believe that if we all felt accepted and loved at our deepest point of existence. If we each felt seen and loved by God (the energy of creation, love, light, and life Itself), then we would not feel the need to impose our own way onto the other “side.”

We would simply — be.

To sin - to turn your back on God - is to turn up back on your own soul as well as the souls of others.

We are all here by the same source.

We are all alive by the same energy of life, light, creation, as existence.

Our debt has been paid. Thank you Jesus.

Who are you beneath the fight to be seen?

How do you choose to live when you finally feel you have nothing left to prove?

Happy Easter. I hope you feel loved.

03/23/2023

Self love - true self love is based on learning to connect with the consciousness within you.

Self care is the process to creating the space to drop into self love.

Self love doesn’t always feel good in the moment, rather, it builds the framework for a more sustainable and peaceful tomorrow.

My heart aches for our culture of disposability.

We dispose of clothes for fear of posting twice in the same item. His forbid wearing clothes until they have holes.

We disrespect and dispose of people who have different beliefs. (Both sides guilty here.)

We dispose of appliances only a handful of years into their life. Finding a specialist who can fix our “built to break” technology costs almost as much as buying new.

We dispose of our own behaviors rather than practicing deep quiet, deep feeling, self forgiveness, and transmutation.

We dispose of our free time to scroll the limitless content created by millions of people disposing the quality time they could be spending in creation, reverence to life, and true self exploration and healing.

We dispose of everything we can get away with.

Is that taking us where we truly desire to go? Are we getting away with it?

Is that guiding us into an age of sustainability and the village mentality it takes to raise well adjusted humans?

Or, are we generally unwell as a culture?

The numbers don’t lie.

We are unwell in mind, body, and our sense of inner self.

We are out of alignment with truth.

So… let’s build a foundation of choices that guide us back to alignment with nature.

No more disposing and walking away from what’s intended to help us accept our present and expand beyond our wildest understanding.

Be here now. In your sweat. In your pain. In your tears. In your blood. In your awkwardness. In your differentness. In your old clothes. In your grays and wrinkles. In your moment. In your depth.

In your choice to love yourself to the deepest point imaginable.

To the point that connects you with the “others.”

I am. You are. We are. Made of and alive by the breath of love.

03/14/2023

Keep seeking the answers you crave. If you know there is sense to be made of a circumstance, press on and find the truth that’s seeking you too.

There has been a storyline in my life for years that I learned the hard way I can’t speak openly about without judgment and closed ears and minds meeting me.

But I was up against a very real challenge… and I could have used more support rather than condemnation.

Our sound bite culture has given most of us shorter attention spans and a jack of all trades sense that we know more than we do about circumstances we haven’t navigated.

I was looking for validation that what I was living through was imbalanced. I didn’t need the validation. I already knew it - I guess I thought the outer validation would mean answers were existent- and coming. But Instead I was invalidated nearly every time I told the story. People would squash my experience and smother the air with false positivity on a subject they didn’t have to deal with.

I silenced myself except for with a few really good friends, who I am so thankful for. To be able to get a story out of one’s body is cleansing.

Finally - I found the answers I was looking for. It didn’t solve everything all at once, but it was what I was looking for. A knowing that this imbalance does not have to be permanent. Hope. I now have hope for a circumstance that would have been hopeless.

I am a realist and an idealist as well as a deep dive seeker of truth. I knew in my bones that I couldn’t accept that circumstance as hopeless.

My friends, keep seeking that which is seeking you. Protect the truths in your heart and press on with faith that your inner knowing will take you exactly where you need to go.

What I found, the thing that gave us hope where there was none - is not mainstream information. It’s not something that a person with the right number of labels or degrees could have told me. It’s simply the right information that I found in a very fitting place, through persistence.

I still don’t know how it’s all going to land. It’s not just my story. But I’m incredibly thankful to know that now the pieces are there for a beautiful puzzle to come together.

Hold faith. 💙

01/13/2023

It was never my intention to become a homeschool mom… so if some of you are a bit thrown off by the shift in content, so am I. 😂 BTW I still do Akashic clearings. I’m just on my maternity break until February 1st.

Also curious: who here homeschools or is considering it?

How did I land the homeschool gig in such a competitive market? 😂🤪 Theo was in a school I was stoked on. A school where the philosophy is to support the whole child in mind, body, and soul.

Unfortunately Theo saw something (age inappropriate) occur on campus that I believe should have been reported to CPS and for the parents of all children involved to be notified.

In the communication process with school administrators our trust was completely broken. We did not feel that the philosophy of the school was at the forefront of their thoughts and actions. Ultimately we chose to take Theo out of the school.

Then I received a call from the board that licenses private schools in Hawaii. The woman explained to me that there is no policy for the private school’s licensure that says the school must communicate with parents about inappropriate touch (by children) on school property. I said that CPS, the law, and ethics said otherwise. She said that it’s really more of a gray area.

So, that’s how I became a homeschool mom for now.

I also learned that public schools actually have better reporting statistics because they are at risk of losing funding if they don’t report appropriately. Private schools are more concerned with maintaining their image. For this to change, we need a social shift. To not look down on a school that reports for potential abuse, rather, to consider it a great thing that if your child is being exposed to behaviors that aren’t age appropriate, you’ll be provided the opportunity to have the important conversations with your child(ren) about it.

Because I’m sure some will wonder: why not just enroll him in public school? 3 reasons: the cutoff date was two weeks before he turned 5. Hawaii public schools are notoriously not great. And I do not like how screens have infiltrated classrooms even in the lower grades. We’ve witnessed how detrimental screen addiction can be, and we want to limit screen use longer than the public system and even many private schools make possible.

12/31/2022

Late 2021 I felt the desire to try for a baby girl. In accepting this invitation, I had an inner shift about my business too. I felt that my way forward with my business (and life) would be in fully embracing my role and energy as a mother. Hence this very fitting picture from today. Milk stains, blowouts, and smiles! 😂🤪

For 2022 my Theme words were community and connection. I love the way these energies showed up for me. I enjoyed connecting and deepening older friendships as well as starting several friendships with natural and easy depth.

For years I’ve felt a nudge to focus on building and holding space for women to be in sisterhood locally. Earlier on my efforts with this vision manifested mostly in a lot of effort and not much sisterhood. (Big thank you to those who did show up back then. Without you I may have let fear and insecurity convince me that my vision wouldn’t pan out.)

Just before the 2020 lockdowns I had finally been seeing the fruit of opening space for women to gather… and then we all know what happened.

I feel strongly about the value and beauty of women gathering in support and sisterhood. The 2020/2021 experience only heightened my understanding of how important it is for all of us to spend time holding space for women of all ages and backgrounds. We humans are meant for love and connection. It’s part of our innate wiring… yet, many went without connection and community for a year - maybe two.

For 2023, as I take small step to getting more sleep, replenishing my body, and creating new balance in my family… I also hold the intention to hold sparked games regularly (once I’m balance enough), and I’ll grow into monthly Akashic (clearing) moon circles. All in person, and all with the intention for women to connect in powerful ways to themselves and the women around them.

With all this in mind, my 2023 words are: feminine restoration, rejuvenation, and sisterhood.

Tell me your 2022/2023 word(s)!
Happy new year, friends! I am thankful for you! 💙🙏💕

12/28/2022

A big part of me wants to leave social media and wash my hands of it all. Another big part of me loves writing and sharing about life - the highs and the scoops. I chose the word scoop because lows can often be a time of insight, rest and/or gathering potential and momentum.

My personal view on lows and struggle is why I feel comfortable sharing my stories with vulnerability. I know that I will always swing back up. Seasons of struggle are just that, (though some seasons have lasted several years).

For now I’m choosing to stay on social media. And I’m choosing to share as I feel inspired to: times of high energy and joyful magnetism, and times of raw, human struggle as I experience each.

I believe we humans have a great deal of power and authority over our lives and circumstances. And I also believe that life can be bursting with blessings alongside various forms of struggle physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally.

In coaching I always hoped to convey this, and in my Akashic work (spiritual healing) it’s something that I aim to permission my clients with. There is no magic pill that will make being a human pain and struggle free. I believe we must embrace relationship with pain, struggle, and learn the art of refocusing (time and again) on the innate human potential to heal.

I’ve witnessed healing in my body, mind, and soul in countless ways through my life. This is why I share when I struggle. It’s not my goal to steal energy. It’s not my intention to make anyone feel sorry for me.

Rather, I hope that in being honest about my life on this platform full of highlights, filters, and “instagramable” aesthetics, I am inviting others to embrace and make peace with their own raw humanity. It’s okay to be on a winning streak… and being in a low does not mean you won’t achieve and feel wins again.

It’s through being fully seen in our truth that we can ever feel fully accepted. I want more humans to feel loved and accepted. I want us to celebrate each other in our wins, offer hugs and support in our losses, and for each of us to learn to accept that we are worthy of both forms of love and community.

💙💙💙

12/27/2022

I was so tired yesterday. Beyond the post Christmas tired. Beyond the newborn baby stage tired. Beyond the post pregnancy tired. I was heavy and fatigued in my blood and bones. It was like the sensation of fatigue when you have a flu, but that was the primary symptom.

I yelled at my partner and teen, “can’t you see I need help? I need respect! I need the time to rest that I give both of you when you’re sick or tired.” There were also a few “f**ks” thrown in for emphasis.

My partner is honestly one of the best. He works tirelessly, supporting us through this intense inflation and helping a lot with the cycle of family and household maintenance. This isn’t a post about him not being good enough. He’s the best. And he’s tired too.

But - my body built a person over the last year and in the process I lost a lot of sleep. Sleep is when the body restores and regenerates. I am behind on regeneration and I feel like it.

Mothers give so much. We literally give life from our bodies. Not just on the day of delivery, but also in creating and giving breast milk, in constant attention flow to children and family, in creating and maintaining the safe, fun, educational, and nourishing environment we call, “home,” and in many other ways that present differently for each mother.

The mother cannot just take a nap. The mother cannot choose to just keep sleeping when the baby wakes for a feeding. The mother, in her deepest fatigue, gets up and gives. Because she loves her children, and they need her.

But mothers need rest. Mothers need deep sleep. Or they may be borrowing health and time off the end of their life.

Mothers: when you find yourself in deep fatigue, or ideally sooner, communicate with your partner to figure out how you can get more sleep for a few days.

Partners of mothers: She’s not invincible. She may act like it. She may be very convincing. But, she probably needs more sleep. When she’s losing energy faster than she can make it, communicate with her about how she can get more rest.

It takes a village. But we don’t live in a society like that anymore and it’s really unhealthy for mothers.

12/07/2022

Happy one month to Persephone! I woke up with a headache and didn’t want a full migraine so I pumped and medicated first thing. I’m working on creating the balance I need in order to not medicate, but apparently I’m not there yet. I’m in the process of starting seed cycling to help with hormonal balance… and I know when I drink moringa daily it helps give my body something important that it needs and has helped keep migraines away in the recent past. But I don’t like drinking moringa so I often fall off that wagon until I’m feeling pain 🤕.

I’m seeing the need for new standards and boundaries for myself in this new season.

How’s homeschool going, many of you ask? Well.. sometimes it looks like this. We started at a table… and have landed here. I tried to take a shower when she slept and he did work I know he can do independently. Then she started crying. I barely got clothes into myself, and Theo wants to be close. So now we are a milk, laundry, and homeschool pile. To be honest, it’s an easy curriculum to navigate… but navigating all the real life with a 5 year old and a baby while my body is not ready to do all the things has been a struggle physically and emotionally.

All that being said: I am blessed and I feel blessed.

I also feel tired and I need more showers.

Send reinforcements. 🙏

💙💙💙

I don’t share any of this for sympathy. My struggles are small in the bigger picture. I’m sharing with honesty and sincerity because I believe social media needs more straight forward, unfiltered truth. 💙👸🏻

Life is a miracle and a blessing… and it can also be tough at the same time.

In all of it, I give thanks.

Natalie Pfund

08/01/2023

07/12/2023

06/25/2023

06/13/2023

06/12/2023

04/25/2023

04/12/2023

04/09/2023

03/23/2023

03/14/2023

01/13/2023

12/31/2022

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