
08/31/2025
People call it independence.
They admire how much you can handle on your own, how little you seem to “need,” how you keep it all together no matter what’s going on.
But what they don’t see is the part where you’re lying in bed at night, exhausted from carrying it all alone.
They don’t see how hard it is to let anyone in.
How even when you crave closeness, something in you tenses and says, “I’ve got it.”
Hyper independence often starts as a survival skill.
Maybe it wasn’t safe to depend on anyone. Maybe help never came, so you stopped asking. Your body learned to protect you by keeping you in control. And while that might have kept you safe back then, it can leave you lonely now, longing for connection but unsure how to let it in.
The truth is, you can be strong and still need people. You can keep the parts of your independence that make you feel proud, and slowly learn to let yourself be supported too.
Not all at once, but little by little, in ways that feel safe.
If this feels like your story, I want you to know, you don’t have to untangle it alone.
Working with the a trauma therapist can help you explore where these patterns come from, how to feel safe in connection, and how to build relationships that don’t require you to carry the whole load.
Message me or visit to schedule a fee consultation call 🧡
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