08/25/2025
When a couple goes through grief together, it can be very complicated. I have listed a few pointers.
1. We are talking about 2 individuals with different personalities navigating through the five stages of grief which are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Both individuals go through each stage differently and there’s no time frame for how long each stage will last. One spouse may feel that the other isn’t grieving enough or the other may feel that the other is grieving too much according to their behaviors (alcoholism, substance abuse, infidelity, explosive anger and violence, alienation, etc). One may still feel completely alone.
2. As a couple. Remember the vows that say, “Through sickness and health, for richer or poorer, TIL DEATH DO US PART” Sometimes you must keep those vows even when it involves loved ones. The focus is to stick together and navigate through your pain and heal together. Do what works for you together.
3. It’s typical to lean on your spouse when you’re facing the tragedy of loss. The more you’re able to lean on each other, the better. That’s part of how God designed marriage. But it’s imperative that you approach God’s throne of grace together in prayer🙏🏾 There will be times when you won’t be able to save each other physically. You won’t have anyone or nothing to rely on but God alone. Sometimes, all you can do is just be in each other’s presence. Just being present. Take a chair and sit down next to each other.
4. There are titles for each type of loss one can face. When you lose a parent, you’re an orphan. Lose your spouse, you’re a widow or widower. But there’s no title for someone losing a child. I have not experienced such pain. But many have said that there’s no way to describe such pain and there’s no words for it.
5. Death of a loved one is inescapable pain. Many have reported that the spiritual pain is so unbearable that they have contemplated unaliving themselves because they just can’t take it😢. But through counseling and grief therapy you can allow a professional to help you explore what soothes you and your spouse to get through the grief. The pain may never go away, but it will get much easier to bear as you heal over time.
