09/18/2024
Excerpt from "From Here to There: Time Spent on the Inside of the Outside of the Inside of Dreams"
October 8
I’m nearly there now but not quite because there’s still so much farther to go. "Hey! Ho!" I’m not sure why I just said that. Fortunately, it doesn’t matter. Nothing does, except that I get there soon. Six hours late for brunch is nearly inexcusable, but I think I can find one. I’m resourceful in this way. Besides, the appointment wasn’t that important, it was only with myself, and I know for a fact that I’m capable of being quite forgiving if I’m left with no other choice and absolutely have to be. I don’t know why and I don’t want to. This wind is blowing hard, it’s like another world. It strikes me that there are things that, at first sight, don’t seem to signify much of anything, and then, later, this initial perception turns out in fact to be the case. I won’t quibble, I don’t want to get bogged down in too many details, they have a way of ruining a good story. As I may have said already, I’m nearly there, although certainly no closer than I was before, which, if memory serves me correctly, was not that long ago. Some of my most significant memories are most deeply rooted in the immediate past. I suspect there could be some kind of connection to the present that just recently happened. This is not just anybody’s ill-conceived notion, this is MY ill-conceived notion. I seem to have lost my way. In a way, yes. In a kind of way. But I dare not let myself be distracted by wayward thoughts, I prefer my distractions to be more straightforward, like the fact that it’s becoming dark before my very eyes. There’s not much to be said for the night, I think, the day either, for that matter, and that’s all I have to say on that subject. I suppose I could ask for directions, but I don’t like being interrupted. I’m lost. No matter. I don’t know why. I thought I did, but I don’t. Know why, that is. I want to be sure to take the same number of steps with each foot, I’ve always had a thing about symmetry, and I know how difficult it is to avoid doing again what you have already done once. Therefore, just repeat it, and make sure it’s equal on both sides. I apologize for these incidental details and will try to move on at a greater speed, especially since I’m still running late, even later than before, if you can imagine that. I know I can. Imagine, that is. I’ve always loved doing nothing. Believe me, I speak from experience. I decide, against my better judgment, which ran out some time ago, to stop and ask for help, but I’m unable to formulate a question. Instead, I confide in the next passer-by, in appropriate undertones, “I don’t remember having been seriously molested,” and this simple statement by itself, factual as it may be (I have no recollection), does nothing to get me closer to my brunch appointment, which looks as if it could still be several hours away. I’m wondering if my arriving late will hurt my chances of advancement when I suddenly happen upon my destination.