11/22/2023
Thought I’d share my response to a betrayed partner in my online support group who is struggling with feeling thanking this Thanksgiving:
How do you handle a holiday focused on gratitude when you are suffering and not in a very grateful place? This is probably coupled with countless similar questions, many involving the term, “why?”. Platitudes like, “God has a bigger plan” often aren’t helpful, however true they may be. There is no simple answer as to why God allowed this to happen to you. The age old question, “Why do bad things happen to good people?” was a huge barrier to faith for me for years. I had to explore this in depth, through reading, angry “prayer” (lots of crying and screaming in anguish), journaling etc. before I found peace (most of the time) with the answers I found and acceptance of the answers I won’t have this side of heaven.
This is grief. It hurts like hell. There’s simply no getting around that. So, you give yourself permission to feel. All of it. The sadness, anger, rage, hopelessness, loneliness, and fear. You don’t beat yourself up for not feeling thankful. Let go of “shoulds”. Grieve. The way out is through.
And if you can, as contradictory as this sounds, look for little things you have that you can be thankful for, even if you don’t FEEL it right now. No matter how small. Even if there are times you’d rather not wake up in the morning than have anything to be thankful for. Air to breathe. Food to eat. A bed to sleep in. Roof over your head. The tree in your backyard. And simply acknowledge them.