10/19/2025
I just watched the Netflix documentary I Like Me: The Life of John Candy.
And wow… what a ride.
It could’ve easily been called The Life of John Belushi or Chris Farley because, heartbreakingly, the ending is the same.
Here’s this man who made millions laugh: Stripes, Splash, Uncle Buck. Cool Runnings. Planes, Trains & Automobiles. You could practically feel better just by seeing his face on screen. He was a kind, joyful soul.
But behind all that laughter? A five-year-old boy whose dad died of a heart attack and a family that coped by never speaking about it. Not once. They just quietly decided, “We’ll pretend this didn’t happen.”
When Success Doesn’t Fix What’s Broken
Fast-forward a few decades: world-famous, adored, successful… and John was having panic attacks. Because grief doesn’t expire. Unprocessed pain doesn’t politely disappear just because you got a bigger paycheck.
Macaulay Culkin, who worked with Candy, nicely summed up what I refer to as Achiever Syndrome:
“Your whole life is about winning. You have to constantly keep winning, or you feel worthless. You could be holding an Oscar in your hand, and the next question you're asked is, "What are you doing next?”
Chasing success is like being on a perpetual hamster wheel. It doesn't end until you modify your definition of what success and winning look like.
The Things We Don’t Talk About
Ignoring pain doesn’t make it go away. It just makes it louder later.
John’s family thought they were protecting him by not talking about it. But what five-year-old John actually learned was:
“Painful feelings are dangerous. Better not feel them.”
That coping mechanism worked when he was five, kind of.
But as an adult, it became emotional quicksand.
His body carried what his heart wasn’t allowed to express. And, like so many of us, he tried to comfort himself with food, alcohol, work, and poking fun at life.
Until his body couldn’t carry the weight anymore. John passed away in a hotel room from a heart attack at age 43.
The Belief That Breaks the Cycle
If you’re reading this and thinking, “Ugh, that hits close to home,” you’re not alone. We’ve all done it. We power through. We minimize. We say, “It’s fine,” when it isn’t.
But here’s the good news:
- What’s learned can be unlearned.
- What’s buried can be brought into the light.
- And what causes pain can be turned into purpose.
You don’t have to keep proving your worth by achieving more and you don’t have to win to be valuable. Struggling doesn’t make you weak; it makes you human.
“Sometimes the heart must break apart so the light can come in.”
Why This Keeps Happening
The subconscious mind’s main job is to keep you safe. So, when young John learned that “pain = danger,” his brain locked it up and threw away the key.
The problem is, the same belief that once kept you safe can later keep you stuck. It becomes a subconscious protective prison.
We all have one. Mine used to be: “If I stay busy, I won't feel anxious."
Since I was anxious much of the time, I became a workaholic. It didn't matter how much I attained or "won," I had to keep going, or the anxiety would rush in and take over.
My positive mindset wasn't enough to curb the unrelenting fear that something bad was going to happen, like running out of money or never becoming who I wanted to be, and there wasn't anything I could do about it.
The Unconscious Pain Pattern
Here's what the unconscious pain pattern looks like:
1. Something painful happens.
2. You don’t fully process it (acknowledge, reframe, release).
3. You create a coping strategy: distraction, overachieving, perfectionism, humor, people-pleasing, busyness.
4. It works... until it doesn’t. The old pain resurfaces, louder, heavier, more confusing than before.
5. We panic, struggle, and self-sabotage. Eventually, the feelings get pushed down enough to move forward again until something triggers the pain, and then the cycle repeats.
Breaking the cycle starts with courage — the courage to say:
“Yeah, this does matter. And I’m ready to deal with it.”
Try This: Your Weekly “Courage Challenge”
What’s one thing you’ve been brushing off that actually deserves your attention?
It could be:
A loss you never fully grieved
A relationship that ended messy
A pattern you keep repeating
That childhood thing you tell yourself, “wasn’t that bad”
An issue your spouse keeps saying you need help with
Here’s your homework:
Tell one person about it this week.
Not your journal. Not social media.
Someone real — a friend, coach, therapist, or pastor.
You can also reply and share it with me. I'm here for you too.
You don’t have to fix yourself because you're not broken. Yet, you do need to express what's inside because what we hide controls us and what we share loses its power.
Numerous times, clients would build up the courage to share their deepest wounds and then brace up for me to 'shame and blame' them. When I, instead, responded with empathy and compassion, it shattered their fear of rejection and unworthiness.
Personally, I find that sharing my fears with someone who "gets it" is the fastest way to release the pressure. The trick is finding someone who will listen or who truly understands.
If I struggle to find that person, I pay for a friend. Often, my biggest expense each year besides advertising is coaching/advisory. Free advice can end up costing a lot more than speaking with an expert who can help you feel clear-minded and empowered.
Final Thought
John Candy gave us laughter. Yet, his last gift was reminding us that we need to process our pain instead of performing through it.
If you take one thing from his story, let it be this:
You don’t have to be “okay” all the time. The world doesn’t need your highlight reel. It needs the real you, flaws, faith, and those funny faces you make when nobody is watching.
So, next time life doesn’t go according to plan, take a deep breath and remind yourself: "Everything works out for me in the end. If it hasn't worked out yet, that just means it isn't the end."
Then go talk with someone so you can show up lighter, braver, and beautifully imperfect with a heart at peace.
You got this...
:) Tim
Tim Shurr, MA
President, Shurr Success, Inc.
Founder, Indy Hypnosis Centers
877-944-HOPE
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