12/27/2025
"Trying to Relax but Secretly Worried You’re Falling Behind?"
If you're having difficulty powering your mind down this time of year, do the following:
Put one hand on your chest. Take a slow breath in through your nose. Then, let the exhale be longer than the inhale. Do this 5 times in a row, starting now. (You can close your eyes if that helps.)
Now quietly ask yourself: “What do I think would happen if I fully relaxed this week?”
Don’t think it through. Don’t correct the answer. Just notice what comes up. (Pause and ask yourself that question, and be aware of what pops into your mind. Do this now.)
Most high achievers hear something like:
“I’d fall behind.”
“I’d miss my chance to get ahead.”
“I’d lose momentum.”
“January will be harder.”
If any of those showed up, congratulations. You're an achiever. And achievers have hidden rules (beliefs) in their human operating systems that make it difficult to 'surrender' or let go of control, even when life is going smoothly.
Let’s Name What’s Actually Happening
This week is strange. Work is mostly off. Deadlines are quiet. Nothing is urgent. Yet your system won’t fully stand down.
So you float in this weird middle ground:
- Half resting
- Half working in your head because if you go near your laptop, people start getting upset with you.
- Fully restless
It feels like trying to nap while guarding the perimeter. That tension isn’t a flaw. It’s a protective reflex. At some point in your life, your system learned a rule: “Staying alert keeps me safe and successful.”
That rule helped you win. It helped you build. It helped you survive seasons where slowing down wasn’t safe. It's also keeping you from experiencing more peace...and here's the kicker...more success!
Some of my most exciting breakthroughs and revenue growth spurts occurred when I stepped away from work.
The new book idea that popped into my brain while in the shower, or the HR Director who called me up out of the blue and hired me to provide leadership consulting for a 9-figure company, while I was walking around Disney World.
If your hand is already full, or it's squeezed tightly into a fist so you do not lose what you're holding, then nothing new can be added. Thus, you've got to occasionally open your hand, let go of what's in it, and then allow something new to come in. I call this 'holding space,' and instead of our hands, we do this with our minds.
The Exercise That Changes This (No Forcing Required)
Read this sentence out loud:
“I’m allowed to rest without falling behind.”
Do it again:
“I’m allowed to rest without falling behind.”
Take a breath in through your nose and slowly exhale.
Read this sentence one more time:
“I’m allowed to rest without falling behind.”
Notice what your body does.
If you feel relief—great.
If you feel resistance—also great.
Resistance doesn’t mean it’s false. It means you’ve found the exact belief that’s been driving pressure.
Now try this follow-up question: “What is this pressure trying to protect me from?”
Loss? Judgment? Repeating an old failure? Letting someone down?
Whatever the answer is, that made sense once. We’re not removing that part of you. We’re just letting it know you’re more capable now than you were when it learned that rule.
Here’s the Subtle Shift Most Miss
This week isn’t about:
“Checking out”
Or “getting ahead”
It’s about integration. Letting your nervous system catch up to the life you already built. Most high achievers don’t need more discipline. They need the skill of downshifting without guilt or panic.
Because when success never lands in the body, the system stays in survival mode, even during the good times. That’s what creates pressure-based success. Now, pressure can be good, but not all the time.
Agree or disagree?
If you agree, cool. If not, take a can of soup and hold it in front of you with your arm extended. You could likely do this with ease, especially if you are in good shape.
Keep holding it there for 5 minutes and notice if that 'light' can of soup feels any heavier? Continue to hold it for 30 minutes and notice if it still feels light or easy?
Now hold it for 10 years. Imagine the stress and pressure that your body would experience from just one little can of soup. Most of us have a pantry full of 'cans' we carry around.
Carry This With You Instead
Instead of asking: “What should I be doing right now?”
Ask: “What would help me start next year calm, clear, and steady?”
Not hyped. Not frantic. Not behind. Just grounded. That answer is different for everyone.
Learning how to access this type of inner calm, on demand, under pressure, while scaling a business or leading a family, isn’t something most people were ever taught. But it IS a learnable skill.
A Gentle Look Ahead to the New Year
You don’t need fixing because you're not broken. You just need better internal leverage.
If this exercise gave you even a small sense of relief, that’s not luck, that’s capacity. And capacity is trainable.
So, do your best to get up and walk away from your laptop now. Move away from all your 'screens' and do something nurturing that you 'don't usually have time for.'
Hold space and remind yourself when the pressure taps you on the shoulder that you’re not falling behind this week.
You’re recalibrating. And that’s how the next level actually works.
:) Tim Shurr
PS, Happy New Year!
