07/23/2024
In a previous career, I was an over the road truck driver. I covered a lot of miles, coast to coast and one of my biggest fears was breaking down somewhere far from home and far from help (and this was before the days of cell phones and GPS). Even now, in the family car, thatâs the last thing Iâd want to happen on the highway. But, Iâve learned that cars (and other machines) very seldom just fail catastrophically without warning. Far more often, a car will tell you something is wrong, usually long before it leaves you stranded. A noise, a vibration, a smell or even a warning light are usually precursors to a breakdown. Alert drivers can usually catch the problem early on. And, with proper maintenance (oil changes, tune ups, etc.) they can even avoid many problems altogether.
Relationships are much the same. Relationships like marriage are built for the long run, built to last a lifetime. But, they require upkeep, regular attention and loving care. If you ignore âmarriage maintenance,â eventually, signs of trouble will pop upâŚusually long before a catastrophic failure. As a marriage therapist, too often, by the time I see a couple, theyâve long ignored (or never even noticed) telltale warning signs.
So, what are some of those relationship warning signs?
Here are just a few. This list is not exhaustive, but be advised: donât ignore them.
When friendship and playfulness in your relationship wear thin, pay attention. No relationship is fun all the time, but healthy couples are best friends. Laughter, fun and friendship should outweigh negativityâJohn Gottman says, by at least a 5:1 ratioâfive times more positive than negative.
Criticism and blame are warning signs. Fault finding conversations quickly become confrontations that produce resentment and hurt. Couples that snipe, pick and âsee the glass half emptyâ are in for long term trouble.
On the other hand, isolating, shutting down, disengaging and âstonewallingâ are also danger signs. Couples who do that arenât keeping the peace; they are pulling apart and they will eventually realize they donât even know one another.
When your relationship becomes âtransactional,â if you tend to keep score, trouble is brewing. Likewise, if you view even the neutral things your partner says or does negatively, that too is a problem.
Maybe you see one of more of those warning signs in your relationship. If so, donât despair. Donât throw in the towel. Your love isnât doomed. You just need to change some thingsâand sooner is better than later.
Thatâs where Hold Me TightÂŽď¸ comes in. Hold Me TightÂŽď¸ is a great step in the right direction, whether youâre just beginning to see warning signs or your relationship is in real trouble. At Hold Me TightÂŽď¸ youâll meet other couples facing the same hurdles and struggling with many of the same issues. Youâll find that you arenât alone and youâll learn to make sense of what so often doesnât in love.
Hold Me TightÂŽď¸ is not therapy. Itâs learning and practicing new ways of connecting with your partner. Itâs about changing the old patterns that lead to trouble over the long run. After just two days together with your partner, you will leave with new skills and a new direction to help you last for the long run in love.
Our next Hold Me TightÂŽď¸ couples retreat in Orlando is next month. Check out www.couplesworkshopsofflorida.com for all the details.
So, watch for warning signs. And, if youâre wondering, what about the signs of a healthy relationship? What is proof of life in love? Iâm glad you askedâŚthatâll be our next blog!
Looking for an affordable transformative couples retreat? Join us for a life-changing "Hold Me Tight"ÂŽ weekend workshop. A Hold Me TightÂŽ weekend workshop can make all the difference, regardless of where you are as a couple. Strengthen and renew your relationship through the groundbreaki...
