Terri Schempf, LMSW - Thrive Therapy LLC

When Food Hurts Relationships

When Food Hurts Relationships Can an eating disorder come between two partners? Learn how anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, or binge eating impact a relationship.

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Should you call the Lifeline?

No matter what problems you’re dealing with, whether or not you’re thinking about su***de, if you need someone to lean on for emotional support, call the National Su***de Prevention Lifeline '1-800-273-TALK (8255)'

“Storms make trees take deeper roots.” (Dolly Parton).

During these tumultuous times, what keeps you rooted?

This is a simple yet helpful art and writing process that I have done for myself and with my groups. It can be done in an online group too, even without art supplies. All you need is a pen, marker, or sharpie and a piece of paper.

Draw the ground line about a third of the way down and then the lines for a tree trunk. Begin the process of drawing roots from top to bottom of the page. Notice your breathing as you draw each root. Notice the way they connect and also move in different directions. Create as many roots as you desire.

Then pause and think about the things that keep you rooted to self, others, and the moment. Write each one on a tree root.

When you’re finished, take a look at all of the roots and choose one to do in the next couple of hours. Repeat as needed…and feel free to add more roots or begin a second tree if you run out of room! Sometimes we need a forest.

The National Association of School Psychologists offers some tips for parents and teachers on talking with children about violence.

Link to resources: https://www.nasponline.org/resources-and-publications/resources-and-podcasts/school-safety-and-crisis/school-violence-resources/talking-to-children-about-violence-tips-for-parents-and-teachers

Photos from Safe Sport International's post

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The things we did in survival mode were the things we needed to do to save our lives. They were meant to get us through the most challenging periods of our lives. That is not how we are supposed to live our lives.

Like the brain, our trauma story is capable of ever-evolving change. How we choose to tell our story empowers or weakens, imprisons, or frees us.

The opportunity for creating a new, present self exists regardless of our past experiences, memories, or shortcomings

Photos from Lisa Olivera's post

What’s an attachment injury?

An attachment injury is when there’s been a violation of an attachment assumption.

In adult partnerships, we hold the assumption that our partners will be there for us, particularly in times of need. We place our trust in them. We expect them to respond to us and to take special care with us. When that doesn’t happen, it can create a significant rupture.

Attachment injuries require a repair process. Depending on the intensity and severity of the rupture, it may take time and consistency to repair.

Here are some examples of behaviors that can lead to attachment injuries:

• An affair (emotional, physical, sexual)
• Deception or lying
• When words and actions don’t match
• A boundary violation
• Failing to respond in a time of need

Recommended reading:

Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson
Wired for Love by Dr. Stan Tatkin
Getting Past the Affair by Snyder, Baucom, and Coop Gordon

Timeline photos

There is a myth that positivity is strength.

While it certainly can be, I don’t think positivity should be a prerequisite for how strong or resilient you are.

Oftentimes, people who have encountered the worst of this world (racism, poverty, trauma, violence, hate, et cetera) are told to be positive – to take their experiences and turn them into gifts, lessons, or hope.

I want to remind you:
• You don’t have to think positively about what has happened to you.
• You don’t have to think positively about the realities you face.
• You don’t have to think positively about the trauma you have endured.
• You don’t have to think positively about the pain you are feeling.
• You don’t have to think positively about injustice and inequity.
• You don’t have to think positively about those who have harmed you.
• You don’t have to think positively about anything you don’t feel positively about.
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Forcing positivity is bypassing human truth. Forcing positivity is putting it on a pedestal. Forcing positivity is forgoing holding space for reality.
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True strength, to me, is holding space for ALL parts of you. It’s holding space for the positive parts AND the hard parts. It’s letting yourself feel the beauty AND the hurt. It’s acknowledging the hope AND the hardship. It’s letting it all exist. That is strength.
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The next time someone tells you to “be positive”, I invite you to say, “Actually, I’m just going to be me right now.” Because you right now is valid, without needing to put a silver lining on it for the comfort of others. You don't have to be positive all the time. You just have to be you. ✌🏻

You can empathize with your partner(s) without agreeing with them.

Here are some sample statements:

• I hear you.
• I can see how hard this is for you.
• I have a different viewpoint on this *and* I want to honor and understand your perspective.
• I don’t share your views on this, but I care about you and am trying to keep an open mind.

Disclaimer: This post does not refer to situations of abuse or domestic violence.

When someone fawns, they are conditioned to people please as a form of self preservation and survival.

When we start to create more mindfulness around fawn responses, we can start to take a moment to reflect on what we actually want to do vs. what was needed to keep us safe in the past.

One of the most common forms of fawning is working super hard to be liked, regardless how we feel towards the person we're interacting with. Fawning at one point started off as a survival mechanism. Perhaps being "the favorite child" kept you from being verbally abused. Or being "the perfect child" got you positive (or neutral) attention from an abusive parent. Regardless of how it started, this response continues many times in adulthood, until it is worked through.

If fawning is a way you learned to keep yourself safe, you can start to create more consciousness of how it shows up in your life today. You don't need to work so hard to appease people anymore. This is an old protective mechanism.