904 Narcissist Survivor

04/18/2026

It took one sadistic covert narcissist for me to become fully educated on NPD to ensure I never lived in hell like that ever again!

04/18/2026

04/15/2026

Every therapy session unlocked just how brutal the abuse was over the 7 years I was with him (abuse consistently increased for the last 4 years). I remember at one point just going numb during a rant packed with criticism of my character. My brain did what it was designed to do to keep me from fracturing-it dissociated to where the abuse didn’t seem as bad. The very coping mechanism of dissociation that was helping me to survive was also the very element that was keeping me blinded from seeing I was bring severely abused. I had memory issues from dissociating, then self doubt would set in. That, coupled with more emotional and verbal abuse, I was completely confused and didn’t know which way was up. Sadly, I was focused on trying to fix the relationship instead of seeing that I should have been making an exit plan. At my first therapy session, the heaviness hit me of just how damaged I was by how my male therapist looked at me with such concern and empathy, even almost teary eyed, within the first 20 minutes. I knew he was an established therapist that had been helping survivors of narcissistic abuse for many years so if a seasoned therapist wasn’t able to conceal his emotional response to my state, I realized just how close I was to completely losing myself. I could only see clearly just how insane the abuse was once I left and got out of survival mode.

04/15/2026

04/09/2026

She is absolutely correct that you lose reasoning and start trying to get rid of the discomfort. I often wonder how I got stuck in it for 7 years and couldn’t see it was intentional but he fed me 3 pretty consistent love bombing years and I was all in fully trusting him. I think the saddest part is that I did question things but he knew how to read me and weaponize my love. It was psychological warfare. He slowly and methodically convinced me that I was ugly, disgusting, selfish, horrible, mean, less than, and unlovable. At some point, you start to give up on yourself and mixed with all the confusion and love bombing episodes, you focus on trying to fix things to get relief from the torturous feeling that comes from the covert punishment (silent treatment, praising others and criticizing me, acting repulsed by me, disinterested, cold). He had to tear me down to make himself feel good. He was sadistic. Its been a long road of healing to accept that I did absolutely nothing wrong. I happened to fall for an abusive covert narcissist that took advantage of my good nature. I often look back at how I walked on eggshells, exhausted from thinking every possible scenario by role playing discussions to pick the “right” words to just have any opinion or suggestion, and how he used to screw up my mornings to enjoy my coffee and it’s almost daily that I thank God that I don’t live in that hell. And I know I never will live like that ever again.

04/06/2026

04/05/2026

03/28/2026

Trust your gut.

03/28/2026

🙌

03/22/2026

03/15/2026