Amanda Slinkman - Freedom Counseling

07/03/2025

**A person who claims they don't have to treat you with common decency or respect is trying to make you think you don't have the right to have boundaries.** This is a major red flag and a key characteristic of emotionally toxic and manipulative individuals. It’s not just a bad attitude—it’s a calculated attempt to condition you into silence, submission, and self-doubt.

People like this often carry an inflated sense of entitlement. They believe their anger, stress, jealousy, or dissatisfaction gives them a license to treat others poorly—especially those closest to them. They will justify their cruelty with excuses like, “You’re too sensitive,” “I was just being honest,” or “You provoked me.” They want you to internalize their emotional volatility as your fault.

But make no mistake: **You are never the reason someone chooses to be cruel.** Disrespect is a choice—so is kindness. And when someone refuses to treat you with even basic decency, they are showing you who they are—not who you are.

Boundaries are not selfish, dramatic, or rude. They are necessary for self-respect and emotional safety. People who challenge or mock your boundaries are not harmless—they are testing how much they can get away with. The more you tolerate, the more they will push.

If someone is upset, it's their responsibility to manage those feelings. You are not an emotional punching bag, a scapegoat, or a target for displaced rage. **No one has the right to make you feel small just because they’re uncomfortable in their own skin.**

06/12/2025

As kind-hearted people, we can almost always see the pain behind a person’s harmful behavior. That’s why, unsure of the boundaries, we often err on the side of compassion.

Compassion’s a good thing, right?

😟 “Oh, she didn’t mean it like that. She was just in a bad mood, that’s all.”

🥺 “Well, he had a horrible childhood so of course he yells at me when he’s triggered.”

☹️ “They hold it together so well at work that they have no energy left to treat me kindly when they get home. It’s not their fault...”

Confused about where the boundary lines are, we are generous in our understanding towards them.

But, as the recipient/target of their emotional or verbal outbursts, we slowly become more and more disheartened, depressed, and hopeless.

What kind of life is this, always walking on eggshells (so as not to set them off)?

But we have to. After all, we have decided *they’re* not responsible for their behaviors.

(And, because they’re often confused about boundaries too, they agree with us).

But, wait….what?

If *they’re* not responsible for managing their very own adult behaviors, then…who is?

Boundaries help us see that each adult is responsible for their own behaviors to the level of their capacity.

Even when it’s hard. Even when it will take work. Even when it requires gaining new skills and lots of growth.

If they have the capacity, they have the responsibility.

That’s a boundary.

Their behavior is not your job…so stop taking the responsibility for it.

All that does is get in the way of their potential growth.

Also, can we talk about you? Because…you’re not doing so hot. 💞

Being in a relationship does NOT mean you’re supposed to be the regular recipient of harmful relational behavior.

It’s hurting you. Perhaps a lot more than you think. Plus, that’s not what love looks like.

And just because “you can take it,” doesn’t mean you should.

That’s a boundary, too.

❤️
Molly

If you’d like help with your boundaries, my powerful little mini-course might be the perfect next step.

Get details here:
Https://boundaried.com/breakthrough ✨

06/11/2025

06/06/2025

06/03/2025

The human mind can make up a thousand reasons to justify the violence and mistreatment of others.

And it will.

“I was in a bad mood.”
“They deserved it.”
“They’ll never learn any other way.”
“It’s not actually that bad.”
“They made me do it.”
“They’re just too sensitive.”
“I’m in charge — and they need to know it.”

As a therapist, I’ve never met a person behaving abusively who did not have excellent justifications (in their own mind) for their hurtful behavior.

Justifications that blocked them from seeing the damage their behavior was doing, or from considering a different way.

Oh, my friends. 💔

What is true in the micro is true in the macro.

The boundary violations that cause terrible harm in personal relationships are the same ones that cause terrible harm on a wider scale — in our systems, nations, and world.

Violence gets justified.
Because Might Makes Right.
Because “they need to be punished.”
Because, because, because.

But as long Might-Makes-Right is in charge of our moral compass, violence and abuse will continue.

Everywhere.

Just as it has for ages upon ages.
“This is just the way it is.”

But a great change is happening. We are becoming more and more convinced that things do NOT have to be this way.

We are waking up to the truth on a collective scale.

And what is the truth?

Violence cannot give us peace. Violence will only beget violence.

That’s a boundary.

❤️
Molly
Here to empower the compassionate people
www.boundaried.com

05/31/2025

05/28/2025

05/09/2025

03/05/2025

The more we know, the more we grow 🐠