05/01/2026
đ This is one way anxious and avoidant patterns can begin
In the 1970s, psychologist Edward Tronick conducted whatâs known as the Still Face Experiment. A mother engages with her baby smiling, responding, connecting. Then suddenly, she becomes still. No expression. No response.
At first, the baby tries everything to reconnect smiling, reaching, making sounds. But when nothing changes, you can see the shift. Confusion turns into distress⌠and eventually, the baby looks away. The body begins to shut down as a form of protection.
This is where early relational patterns can take root not necessarily from âbadâ parenting, but from moments of disconnection the nervous system couldnât process.
đ The anxious child learns:
âIf I try harder, give more, reach further⌠maybe Iâll be seen again.â
So later in life, love can feel like effort- like chasing, proving, fixing.
đ The avoidant child learns:
âNo matter what I do, it doesnât change anything⌠so Iâll stop trying.â
As an adult, connection can feel overwhelming or unsafe. The care is still there, itâs just hidden, because that once felt safer.
đ These are not flaws.
They are adaptations ways the nervous system learned to survive in moments that felt unpredictable.
đ Healing looks like teaching your body something new:
That love doesnât have to be earned or avoided, it can feel steady and safe.
That closeness doesnât mean losing yourself.
And space doesnât have to mean disconnection.
