Focused Concentration, LLC

09/05/2025

The WORST feeling that a person can have in a relationship is when they try to have a conversation about the others BEHAVIOR that hurts them every day, but instead of listening, the other person gets ANGRY and turns the situation around on them.

It’s a feeling that cuts deep—a mix of frustration, sadness, and emotional abandonment.

They gather the courage to speak up, not to argue, not to attack, but because there is love and they want to make things better. The person speaks from a place of pain and hope, hoping that maybe this time, they will really hear them, that the other will understand the weight they have been silently carrying.

But instead of leaning in, the other person raises their defenses.

Instead of acknowledging feelings, they deflect, they try to fix.

They get loud, or cold, or sarcastic. They shift the blame, twisting concerns into accusations against character, tone, timing.

Suddenly, the conversation becomes about how the person brought it up in the first place instead of what that person brought up. And just like that, the pain gets buried under the anger.

And it’s not just the argument that hurts—it’s the message underneath it all:

Your feelings don’t matter. Your pain is inconvenient. Your voice is too much. That moment becomes a silent wound, another scar added to the emotional pile that person had been trying so hard to suppress for the sake of peace.

But peace without understanding isn’t peace—it’s silence. It’s pretending. It’s walking on eggshells while slowly losing pieces of themselves just to keep things from falling apart.

What’s worse is that after enough of these moments, they start to question. “Maybe I am too sensitive.” “Maybe I should just let it go.” “Maybe it’s not a big deal.” But deep down, the person knows it is. They know what respect, empathy, and love should feel like—and this isn’t it.

When a person reaches out to address something that hurts, it’s a gift. It’s them saying, I still care enough to fix this. It’s a chance for connection, healing, and growth. But when that moment is met with anger or blame, it pushes them further away. Not just emotionally—but spiritually. Because nothing is more damaging to a persons spirit than constantly being made to feel wrong for wanting to be treated right.

Understand these dynamics and practice surrounding yourself with genuine others that see, hear, and comfort you without the fear of emotionally abusive repercussions.

Have a great weekend. 😍

Dr Stella Fernandez

08/29/2025

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Make a list of the things that bring you joy and make you feel connected. Like calling a friend, walk in nature, taking a bath, reading a good book, watching a funny movie, or doing some stretching exercises.

Often when we move the body we feel better instantly.
Use this list when you begin to feel lonely.

Remember feelings come and go, they do not last unless you feed them with negative, false thoughts that end up making them grow bigger than needed. Feel the feeling of loneliness, ask yourself what could help you in the moment, take out your list and do one of those things. Often the feeling will pass.

Never reach back to a person who has caused you suffering, and ultimately you ended up losing yourself in the relationship.

If you connect with the "poisonous person" you may feel a very brief temporary relief, and then a deeper loneliness will set in, and you will ultimately feel very angry with yourself.

Have a go-to list when loneliness creeps in. Be prepared. ~xoxo Michelle & Barb

(Don't let getting lonely make you reconnect with toxic people. You shouldn't drink poison just because you're thirsty.-unknown)

08/18/2025

A REAL RELATIONSHIP: "A real relationship requires bravery from both sides. It requires us to be vulnerable enough to allow ourselves to be seen. It requires curiosity and vision to fully take in who the person is. To really see them. To accept their on-camera selves, and their hidden behind-the-scenes mess. To view their worst parts with acceptance and generosity, not contempt. And to have enough faith and strength to trust the other person to offer the same latitude to our darker sides. On top of all of this, it requires two people who actually have a vision for where they want the relationship to go, and the daily ex*****on to move towards that vision. Exceptional relationships are not found. They're built." ~~~~ Matthew Hussey

05/20/2025

05/20/2025

Using the 988 Lifeline is free. When you call, text, or chat the 988 Lifeline, your conversation is confidential. The 988 Lifeline provides you judgment-free care. Talking with someone can help save…

05/20/2025

05/20/2025

05/19/2025

A Mature Partnership:
Having an emotionally mature partner is a vastly underrated advantage in a relationship. It's profound to be able to express your feelings without apprehension. In turn, you receive concern, care, and understanding instead of defensiveness or blame.

Emotional maturity precludes gaslighting, silent treatment, and manipulation, ensuring your partner honors your vulnerability rather than exploiting it.

They engage in active listening to understand, rather than merely responding. Your emotions are not penalized; instead, your partner empathizes with you. This constitutes emotional safety.

Being with someone who can navigate challenging conversations without becoming defensive, aggressive, or evasive is crucial.

This individual prioritizes accountability, values peace, and seeks mutual understanding.

When you have an emotionally mature partner, you begin to heal in unforeseen ways. Love becomes a calm, steady, and reassuring experience, rather than a dramatic or painful one.

Disagreements may arise, but you resolve them with mutual respect, fostering a deeper connection. This love profoundly impacts your life, rewiring your nervous system, building trust, and establishing a foundation for growth.

Dr Stella Fernandez

05/17/2025

PARTNERSHIP: You don’t need a charming other. You need someone safe. A person who doesn’t shut down every time you feel too much.

Who doesn’t throw your past in your face when they are losing the argument. Who doesn’t make you question your own emotions just to keep control.

Safety isn’t about comfort—it’s about consistency!

Consistency only comes from a healed person, not just someone hiding behind performance.

If you grew up around emotional chaos, unpredictability might feel like love. If you had to chase connection as a child, you’d mistake the adrenaline of anxiety for affection. That’s why safety feels foreign. Boring even. But it’s not boring—it’s stable.

The chaos you keep calling “passion” is your nervous system reenacting trauma. That keeps you stuck—unhealed wounds that crave what once hurt you.

Qualities of an emotionally safe person:

1. They don't punish you with silence

2. They don't weaponize your vulnerability

3. They don't make you beg to be heard

4. They know how to hold space without making it about them

5. They take responsibility without collapsing into shame

6. They show up, especially when it’s hard

7. They don't run from the mess—they help to clean it up

Here’s the hardest part.......until you heal, you’ll suffocate in the very relationships you may need. You’ll question their love. You’ll test their commitment.

You’ll sabotage the safety you say you want—because pain taught you how to survive, not how to receive.

So don’t just look for a safe person. Become safe within yourself. That’s when love becomes peace, not a warzone.

Dr Stella Fernandez

05/17/2025

Remember that navigating complex challenges is crucial for developing resilience and persistence, which in turn, yields a deep-seated sense of contentment and and an overall peaceful level of functioning.

Dr Stella J Fernandez

05/17/2025

Family Support Group for Parents and Caregivers of Youth Virtual - open statewide Monthly - 2nd Tuesdays @ 6:30 pm to 8:00 pm Facilitated by Amye Trefethen,

05/16/2025

I strongly recommend seeking a romantic partner who is unapologetically affectionate and loving.

Given the fleeting nature of life, it is imprudent to settle for someone who treats displays of affection as an obligation or makes love feel like a guessing game.

Ideally, you should be with someone who lights up when they see you, instinctively reaches for your hand, and pulls you closer simply because they can.

This person should be someone who showers you with affection, sneaks glances at you when they think you're not looking, and makes you feel like the most valuable person in their world.

Genuine love is not distant or reserved; it is present, deeply felt, and freely expressed without fear or hesitation. You deserve to experience this kind of love.

Dr. Stella Fernandez