04/30/2025
A partner who loves the birthing person as they go through the intense work of labor, however they need to be loved, is invaluable. I get to see so amazing couples doing this work together regularly, one of the privileges of the work I do. I got to be there for this one too, as both midwife and friend. Hers are my very favorite births next to my own.
Every time he would say “I love you” I would relax a little more and the contraction would be more bearable.
I would have stopped at one child if I hadn’t had such a supportive and equally invested partner.
My baby making factory is closed, no more crotch fruit for me. My last b**b tick is just over a year and a half and I’m in the stage of celebrating all the last firsts. The last first steps, the last first time saying a sibling’s name. The last first Easter egg hunt. The last baby.
Having several children has been a joy for me. I really enjoy being a mom. Something I wasn’t sure I would even tolerate, let alone like.
But I know that wouldn’t be the case if I didn’t have a partner that showed up just as much as I do.
I’m a tenacious person, intense, some might say.
Some definitely do say.
And I’m persistent and determined.
I also get sharp when I’m stressed. I can be impatient and demanding. I can be critical and irritable.
Parenting would probably bring out the worst in me if I didn’t have a capable, motivated, and responsible partner.
You know what? That’s not entirely true. I think I’d actually do really well on my own too. Being a single parent would certainly be more stressful in ways I can’t fully grasp having not experienced it but I’m also sure that knowing it was just me I would manage pretty well and not let stress get the best of me… all of the time.
But if I had a partner that was all too willing to have me carry the invisible work load on my own or expected me to handle all the parenting AND manage their participation?
Yeah… I would not enjoy parenting.
I would not have had more children.
Because it would have broken me.
My husband is my favorite labor support person. His very presence made each contraction easier. His tender voice encouraging me and telling me he loves me helped me relax into the process and be more confident in my abilities. His enthusiasm and participation in learning about labor and birth and practicing the labor techniques not once but repeatedly with EACH of our babies helped me feel secure with him as we welcomed a new baby. His personal investment of time and energy in educating himself about child development and car seats and babywearing and more made me not feel alone in decision making. Him taking the initiative to do what needed to be done… him seeing what needed to be done… meant I didn’t feel alone or overwhelmed with our children and welcoming a new baby. Him waking at night to respond to our baby so I could go to the bathroom and take care of myself before settling in for a feeding session connected us even more, deepening our intimacy through shared experience caring for our baby. Him washing pump parts and adjusting his schedule to be sure I had support with feeding challenges gave me space to process my own emotions through some intense postpartum difficulties and I had more emotional energy to have room for our own relationship.
No, I don’t think I would have had more than 1 child if he hadn’t been the equally invested parent partner he is.
***Pictured of resting between contractions during labor with our last baby. Baby’s position was tricky, he had an arm above his head, and labor was long and hard with some unusual positioning to help baby out. My husband never faltered in his support. Hours and hours of holding my hips and helping me do inversions through contractions (🤬) and telling me he loves me.
