09/24/2025
A Question:
Why is shadow work making me feel more heavy and sad?
AI response:
You may be confusing the purpose of shadow work or engaging in it in a way that is causing you to avoid happiness. The goal of shadow work is not to resist happiness but to help you become a more whole and authentic person, which can ultimately lead to greater fulfillment and peace.
Using shadow work to actively avoid happiness is a sign that you are likely struggling with a deeper issue, such as a fear of happiness, known as cherophobia.
Why shadow work might lead you to resist happiness?
Shadow work is a psychological practice, based on the theories of Carl Jung, that involves exploring and integrating the hidden, repressed, and denied parts of yourself. If you are using this process to avoid positive feelings, it may be due to:
A misunderstanding of the process: You might mistakenly believe that confronting negative parts of yourself means you must dwell in that darkness. But the purpose is to accept those parts so they lose their power over you, not to avoid joy.
An unhealed root cause: A fear of happiness, or cherophobia, can stem from past trauma or experiences where happiness was followed by pain or disappointment. This creates a mental habit of distrusting positive feelings. In this case, doing shadow work may simply be reinforcing your protective avoidance pattern rather than helping you heal it.
Self-sabotage: When your shadow remains unintegrated, it can affect your life in unconscious ways, including self-sabotage. Resisting happiness is a form of self-sabotage, often driven by a deeply held, unconscious belief that you don't deserve good things.
The feeling of being undeserving: You may have a buried belief that you don't deserve to be happy, which the shadow work process can bring to the surface. If you don't integrate this revelation in a healthy way, you might push happiness away to align with that false belief.
A healthier approach to integrating your shadow
If you find yourself resisting happiness, it is crucial to adjust your approach to shadow work. The correct practice is meant to help you move toward wholeness, not away from it.
Reframe your goal: Understand that shadow work is not about banishing your "dark" side. Instead, it's about acknowledging and accepting it to reduce the internal conflict that holds you back. The energy you spend repressing your shadow is energy you could be using to live a more fulfilling life.
Practice self-compassion: Embrace the parts of yourself you have rejected without judgment. Your shadow self is not inherently evil; it's just a part of you that has been suppressed. The more you accept it, the less power it has over you.
Explore the "golden shadow": Your shadow doesn't just contain negative traits; it also holds positive ones, like creativity or ambition, that you were taught to suppress. By exploring this "golden shadow," you can reclaim valuable talents that you may have rejected out of fear.
Connect with your emotions mindfully:
When you feel a trigger or an impulse to avoid happiness, observe it without judgment. Ask yourself where this feeling comes from. By understanding its origin, you can choose a different response.
Identify the underlying fear:
Acknowledge your fear of happiness. Consider the belief systems or past experiences that taught you that happiness is unsafe or will inevitably lead to disappointment. Facing this fear is a core part of the healing process.
When to seek professional help
Shadow work can be an intense and challenging process, especially if it brings up unresolved trauma.
If your fear of happiness or tendency to self-sabotage is significantly affecting your life, consider working with a licensed mental health professional.
Therapies such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) are particularly effective in helping people identify and reframe the unhelpful thought patterns and beliefs that drive fears of happiness.
Yoga, meditation and pranayama are clearing and healing Practices as daily holistic health maintainence.
