Mama Says Om

04/08/2024

Are you Parenting a Highly Sensitive Child who struggles with transitions, engaging in new experiences and/or joining a group of friends in play.

During my childhood, I was often paralyzed with overwhelm and fear when experiencing a new situation with a lot of unknowns. Because I didn't understand 'why' I felt the way I did, (and no one else in my orbit seemed to either), I developed a lot of self-deprecating inner narratives about my inability to do hard things which added even more weight to my crushed esteem.

At school, I was clearly aware that I was often the last to try something and sometimes, the only one of my classmates to not engage at all.

While my family still used a Victrola and a turntable for vinyl records at home, my teacher Ms. Jacques brought in an audio player to school. I'd never seen one before. The 6 buttons on it looked daunting, even when my classmate David O used it with reckless abandon. I remember not being impressed with his confidence and smooth button-pushing moves, but rather, thought to myself, "It's just a matter of time before he breaks it," I don't want to break it, so I'm not even going to try and push those buttons."

I moved on to the 3rd grade without ever using that recorder.
The more I held back from doing new and novel things, the more entrenched my self-narrative became.

Looking back, I can only imagine how my childhood might have been different had the grown-ups around me been 'SPS/HSC-informed.' Perhaps they would've encouraged me to try new things with supportive warmth and awareness, while helping me understand that my tendency for 'observing before engaging' was just a normal part of how my particular nervous system was wired?

I am deeply grateful that I don't feel bitter about slipping through the cracks all those years ago but rather, feel inspired to take what I've learned....(and continue to learn)....and bring that information to the children and families that can most benefit from a new understanding of "all things HSC and HSP."

Let's illuminate a new way of looking at Sensory Processing Sensitivity and work towards educating those who spend a lot of time with our Highly Sensitive youth.

PS.
The vintage 1970's Audio Cassette Player below, can be found on Etsy with the following link!

This Stereos & Home Audio item by deckvintage has 8 favorites from Etsy shoppers. Ships from Palm Bay, FL. Listed on Mar 13, 2024

04/08/2024

To all those Highly Sensitive Souls out there....
Know that it's super-okay to feel deeply, to cry when you're moved, and to stand up for what you believe in, even when it's hard. Your sensitivity is not a weakness, but a strength that empowers you to make a difference in the world.
When people mistake your sensitivity for weakness, it hurts, but please remember that world needs the roughly '1 in 5' of you that are here embrace your uniqueness, cherish your sensitivity, and never doubt the profound impact you can have on those around you. You are a gift to this world, just as you are.
Keep shining brightly and sensing deeply......

04/02/2024

Preparing highly sensitive children for new or novel experiences requires a thoughtful and empathetic approach. When I was a child, I was often paralyzed with overwhelm and fear when being faced with a new situation. Because I didn't understand why, I developed a lot of self-deprecating inner narratives which just added more weight to my crushed esteem.

Here are some strategies for helping our Highly Sensitive little ones navigate such situations:

1. Provide Information: Offer clear and age-appropriate information about the new experience. Explain what will happen, where it will take place, who will be there, and what they can expect. Knowing what to expect can help reduce anxiety.

2. Validate Feelings: Acknowledge and validate your child's feelings about the new experience. Let them know that it's okay to feel nervous or scared and reassure them that you'll be there to support them.

3. Create a Safe Space: Make sure your child feels safe and secure leading up to the new experience. Encourage open communication and let them know they can come to you with any concerns or questions.

4. Gradual Exposure: If possible, gradually expose your child to elements of the new experience beforehand. For example, if they're anxious about starting school, you could visit the school together, meet the teacher, and explore the classroom.

5. Practice Coping Strategies: Teach your child coping strategies to manage their anxiety or emotions during the new experience. This could include deep breathing exercises, visualization techniques, or positive self-talk.

6. Role Play: Role-play the new experience with your child to help them feel more comfortable and confident. Act out different scenarios and discuss how they can respond in each situation.

7. Focus on Strengths: Highlight your child's strengths and abilities, reminding them of times when they successfully navigated similar situations in the past.

8. Set Realistic Expectations: Help your child set realistic expectations for the new experience. Let them know that it's okay to feel nervous or make mistakes, and that learning and growing often involve facing challenges.

9. Provide Reassurance: Offer plenty of reassurance and encouragement throughout the process. Let your child know that you believe in them and that you're proud of their efforts, regardless of the outcome.

10. Debrief Afterwards: After the new experience is over, take the time to debrief with your child. Discuss what went well, what they learned, and how they can apply that knowledge to future situations.

By implementing these strategies, you can help prepare highly sensitive children for new or novel experiences in a way that respects their unique needs and supports their emotional well-being.

04/01/2024

Tales of a Highly-Sensitive, 5th-grade, wannabe nurse…

In 1977, during the middle of my 5th grade year, one of my fellow classmates got sick and a teacher asked me to es**rt him to the nurse’s office.

Upon arriving, I discovered that our school nurse was nowhere to be found. I went to the Main office and was informed that the Nurse took her lunch at the same time our class did, so I was instructed to stay with James until his mom arrived to pick him up.

From that day forward, I decided to take it upon myself to voluntarily "sit in" for the nurse since I had a unusually strong interest in anatomy and physiology 😂😂 and felt strongly that "someone" should be overseeing the nurse's office in the event that assistance be needed. (No one ever noticed that for the remainder of my 5th grade year, I went to the nurse's office every single day instead of the playground with the rest of my classmates.)

I saw a lot of 'patients."
🤣🤣

Some of them had wet their pants and needed a change of clothes while others had puked and needed to go home. I quickly became adept at self-initiating phone calls to the parents to inform them that their child needed to be picked up pronto! A parent always showed which was nice for the kid. LOL.

I loved being the self-appointed nurse's assistant!
In executing my self-taught medical skills, I was certain to get an early start in my health-related career andI became r very proficient at 3 things while
1. Weighing students.
2. Measuring students.
And…
3. Administering unsolicited eye exams. 🤣🤣

Years later, I never understood why I wasn't the least bit worried about getting caught playing nurse and why I never WAS caught?

It wasn't until this past year that I finally figured out how I might have gotten away with this ruse:

#1. The office staff probably KNEW I was overseeing the office but said nothing and turned a blind eye because they were happy someone else was willing to manage pissy pants and puke.

#2. It was the 70's and no one gave a s**t about things like that back then.

(I'm thinking both 1 and 2 were true.)

I do remember one thing they put the squabosh on, however——

In the 7th grade, I had come up with an entrepreneurial scheme to make these fuzzy little pencil people and charge $1.00 a piece for them. They were such a hit I made $40.00 in my first day of sales. Unfortunately, my classmates were so busy playing with them that the teachers got super ticked by all the distraction my entrepreneurial efforts were causing. That ended my career in sales at Cynthia Heights.

I guess I should have stuck to puke?

03/27/2024

Hi friends!

As a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) who raised a Highly Sensitive Child, (HSC), it's been a long journey to get to where we are.
Gratefully we continue to learn about ourselves and how we show up and interact with each other and the world.

I've been engaged in self-transformation and personal growth for all of my adult life, but somehow, managed to slip beneath the radar of HSP identification until I was in my 50's.

In my current understanding of how beneficial it would've been to have had awareness, education and support around my HSP traits years ago, I am deeply committed to bringing clarity, calm and confidence to parents navigating High Sensitivity in their family home. I help parents develop and implement tools and systems that get their families on the right track toward sweeter days of flow and ease.

Raising a Highly Sensitive Child ---especially when you are also a Highly Sensitive Person--- can present unique challenges, but, can also offer a deep understanding and connection with your child.

Modern day stressors (i.e. the Covid pandemic, the state of the economy, etc.), will likely be particularly challenging for our beautiful subset of Highly Sensitive Children and it is imperative that we do what we can to raise our HSC's with self-awareness and tools for managing their nervous systems.

If you (or anyone you know) is interested in becoming an
HSP/HSC Ally, you can do so by sharing my contact information, my posts and articles, and/or by participating in an online or in-person class.
(I'll be offering several online workshops in early June and will announce the exact dates soon.)

It's time for us to shed a light of understanding and compassion on the roughly 20% of the population that is HSP-wired. To be part of this unifying effort, please consider sending your email address to me via a private message (via Messenger), so that I may add you to my email list.

In solidarity,
Elise Wilder

03/25/2024

Thank you for sharing these important facts, Teach Through Love!

03/24/2024

Where are my Highly Sensitive Peeps?
(or anyone raising a Highly Sensitive Child?)
Can I get a show of hands? 🙋‍♀️ 🙋 🙋🏽‍♀️

Felted mouse by:
https://www.etsy.com/listing/1047810847/

03/24/2024

When I was a little girl in elementary school. teachers would allow us to celebrate our birthdays by having a parent bring in baked treats for the whole class.

Occasionally, a well-intending mom with bad math skills would end up with a defunct treat count and deliver the goods "one cupcake (or cookie) short."

On those days, I'd always be the one to volunteer to go without a treat. Not because I didn't like treats.
I DID like them.
(A lot.)

As much as I wanted a treat too, I simply couldn't manage the feelings I knew I'd experience internally if one of my classmates had to go without.

I had no idea that I was a Highly Sensitive Child (HSC) having an experience very common to other HSC's when faced with a similar situation. Had I simply understood my innate inclination to help someone avoid pain at the expense of my own, I might've understood that it was ok to volunteer to go without treat once, but not every single time.

Volunteering to go without a treat back in those days had long-term consequences around my relationship with food. Although it appeared that I was being generous in my efforts to "go without," when behind closed doors, I began to hide and hoard food whenever I could. I began to feel "selfish" around the subject of food, which ironically, was very opposite of how I appeared "publicly."

In my ongoing efforts to advocate for HSP's and HSC's, I'm always surprised to uncover a new bit of clarity around my own HSP traits that help me gain even more understanding around why I think, do and believe what I do.

Here's to being courageous, digging deep within with kindness and love, and feelings of worthiness......

PS. Forest Floor Cupcakes by EElise Wilder

03/23/2024

Understanding the Challenges of Growing Up as a Highly Sensitive Child.......

Being a Highly Sensitive Child (HSC) can present unique challenges, especially when growing up in a family that may not be aware of this trait. HSCs possess heightened sensitivity to stimuli, which can lead to feelings of overwhelm in environments that others might find ordinary.

In families unaware of their child's sensitivity, HSCs may struggle with feelings of being misunderstood or invalidated. They might be told to toughen up or stop overreacting, which only amplifies their sense of isolation and frustration.

Without the necessary support and understanding, HSCs may find it challenging to navigate daily life. Simple tasks like managing noise levels or coping with transitions can feel overwhelming, impacting their overall well-being and self-esteem.

Awareness and education can make a significant difference. By recognizing and acknowledging the traits of Highly Sensitive Children, families can create a more supportive environment. Validating their experiences, providing reassurance, and offering strategies for coping with overwhelm can help HSCs thrive and embrace their sensitivity as a valuable aspect of who they are.

To all the Highly Sensitive Children out there: your sensitivity is not a flaw but a beautiful aspect of your uniqueness. With understanding and support, you can navigate life's challenges and shine bright in your own way.

03/23/2024

🌿🔍 Embracing the Beauty of Small Details 🌸🍃

In the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, it's easy to overlook the intricate wonders that surround us in nature.

Last year, I made a deliberate decision to immerse myself in the delicate dance of small details that could be found just about anywhere I looked when I took the time to pause in stillness and REALLY notice.

🌿 Pausing and noticing came so easily to me as a child. How did I get so far away from that version of myself?? As I reawakened a much younger version of me that was less hurried and more connected to a slower rhythm, my heart began to recognize the familiar feelings of being attuned in that magical way that can only happen when one slows down.

During this past September, I took off on an on-the-road adventure and traveled across the country to explore some beautiful areas that I'd never been to. One of my stops brought me to Watkins Glen Gorge in the Finger Lakes region of New York.

I spent the whole day there, moving at a snail's pace. There were 17 waterfalls and beautiful trails to explore. I had no inclination to rush through the experience and get to the end for the sake of getting to the end. I was freed up to notice some really cool things that many people were walking right by.

Sometimes strangers who would pass me would notice me bent over staring at something that they couldn't make out, so they'd ask, "What are you looking at?"

I loved that they stopped to ask so that I could show them the tiny frogs that would've missed had they not asked, or, the huge spider web that was right over their heads when they turned in the direction that I suggested so the sun shown on it "just right."

It was obvious that most of the people enjoyed the observations as much as I had, and I wondered how long it had been since they had noticed anything magical or mesmerizing in nature.

There's a certain magic in noticing the subtle nuances—the way a single dewdrop clings to a leaf, the intricate patterns etched into a butterfly's wings, or the gentle sway of a blade of grass in the wind. 🦋 These are the moments that remind us to slow down, to breathe, and to appreciate the beauty that exists in every corner of our world.

Being sensitive enough to notice these small details isn't just about observation; it's about connection. It's about tuning into the rhythm of nature and feeling a sense of wonder and gratitude for the intricate tapestry of life that surrounds us.

So, next time you find yourself outdoors, take a moment to pause and look a little closer. You might be surprised by the extraordinary beauty hidden within the seemingly ordinary. 🌼 Let's cherish these small moments and let them remind us of the magic that exists in the world around us. ✨ 'sWonders

03/20/2024

I used to cry every time I’d cut onions, and then one day, I noticed I’d been cutting them for a long time without tears. Did my eyes develop calluses?
🤣🤣

Growing up as a HSP, (a Highly Sensitive Person), I felt emotions intensely but I rarely cried, unless my emotions involved the experience of losing a beloved pet. I think there was an unspoken agreement in my family that we were a “happy family,” and so I honored that agreement.

As I explore more about what it felt like to have my HSP sensitivities labeled as something else, (no one really knew what that was about back then), I’m uncovering some helpful inner epiphanies!

More in that topic later!

PS. Onion blossoms by Sparrow!
(Apparently she has callouses in her corneas, too!) 🤣🤪

03/11/2024

One of the biggest challenges that highly sensitive people face when raising children is striking a balance between honoring their own sensitivity and managing the intense emotions and stimuli that come with parenting.

Are you a Highly Sensitive Parent?

Highly sensitive parents may struggle with overwhelming sensory input, emotional reactions, and the need for solitude and self-care, while also providing a supportive and nurturing environment for their children. Balancing these needs can be challenging, as they may feel torn between their own well-being and meeting the demands of parenthood.

Additionally, highly sensitive parents may worry about passing on their sensitivity to their children or feel guilty if they perceive themselves as not being able to handle parenting as well as non-sensitive individuals. Overall, finding strategies to navigate these challenges while embracing their sensitivity as a strength can be crucial for highly sensitive parents raising children.

Interested in learning how to calmy and confidently communicate and mentor your child as a Highly Sensitive Parent?
Please send your email address via Messenger to stay informed of any upcoming workshops I'll be offering for Highly Sensitive parents....(and those who may also be raising Highly Sensitive children.)

03/11/2024

As my daughter prepares to welcome her 2nd child into the world, I want to take a moment to appreciate the beautiful soul she is! 💖

Sparrow was born a highly sensitive child who loved to have deep conversations about meaningful things. On at least 5 occasions prior to her 4th birthday, she would wake up around 3am and say, “Hey mom, let’s get up and have grits! I have something I want to say!” (This photo captures one of those memorable nights that I would always indulge no matter how tired I was because I sensed that they would become cherished memories to reflect back on…and indeed, they were!)

On those nights, (and on many other occasions), Sparrow would share detailed information that she was pondering. They were often topics that were beyond her age and understanding. She also asked enchanting questions. Her tendency to absorb the emotions of the people around her was often a challenge for her because she cared so deeply about the feelings of others. Her keen sensitivity led her to pick up on subtle nuances in her environment, making her incredibly perceptive and insightful but--- on the flip-side of that---her heart was easily bruised as she began to notice cruelties in the world that I could not always shelter her from.

Back in those days, I did not understand that I, too, was a highly sensitive person. I knew I was “sensitive” of course, but did not realize that roughly 20% of the population is born with those particular traits and tendencies that are considered neurodiverse. During my own formative years, I just thought I was “picky, weird, oddly intuitive, too sensitive, dramatic," etc. No one around me really understood why I interacted with the environment around me the way I did so I was often labeled with those words, which led me to double-down on collecting evidence of my “shortcomings.”

It has been an incredibly long journey getting to where I am, and the journey continues to unfold as I embark on a mission to help people gain a greater understanding of this subset of the population that loves fiercely and is often so misunderstood.

There are so many ways that I could’ve supported Sparrow better had I known more. Although that cliche is a common belief shared by many parents of all children as they look back and reflect on their earlier parenting years, I say it with self-compassion and not disdain. I did the best I could with what I knew at the time. And thankfully, I now know more. A whole lot more.

Here’s to my beautiful-soul-of-a-daughter and to uplifting all children as we navigate through turbulent times.

PS.
A few years ago I developed a family communication and nervous system management model that supports parents in becoming masterful at calmly and confidently regulating their emotions, and then in turn, modeling that for their children. I have been utilizing it with clients on the autism spectrum with great results and am now preparing to introduce it to the Highly Sensitive community and those who support Highly Sensitive Children. (Parents, caregivers and others.) If you're interested in learning more about upcoming workshops, please send me your email via Messenger and I'll reach out to you with more information.

03/11/2024

Thank you for this clear graph, Bonnie Harris!

There is never a need to lie when you know you can talk to your parents and trust they will understand—even when the mistake is huge.
Get to a place of mutual honesty and trust with Connective Parenting. Message me for 30 min (no cost) parenting chat or schedule one now at https://bonnieharris.ck.page/a93ae518ac💓 Bonnie

03/06/2024

I love this sweet book about a highly sensitive child named Arya, who gets help from her dad after she unexpectedly takes on the big feelings of her friends.

Author Kelsey Fox Bennett Boyd reads her new children's picture book, "Arya & Everyone Else's Feelings." Illustrated by Louie Chin. Great for ages 4-8. Preor...

03/06/2024

Misunderstanding highly sensitive behavior in children is more common than we might think. Often, these children are labeled as overly emotional, shy, or even difficult, when in reality, they are simply more attuned to their surroundings and experiences.
Highly sensitive children have a heightened awareness of their environment, including sensory stimuli, emotions, and subtle changes. They may become overwhelmed in noisy or crowded situations, feel deeply affected by others' emotions, and require more time to process information.
Unfortunately, society often misunderstands their behavior as weakness or overreaction. Parents and teachers might push them to toughen up or force them into situations that only exacerbate their stress.
Understanding and supporting highly sensitive children involves acknowledging and validating their feelings, providing them with quiet spaces to decompress, and helping them develop coping strategies. Instead of trying to change them, it's crucial to embrace and nurture their unique qualities, as they often possess great empathy, creativity, and insight. By doing so, we can help them thrive and contribute positively to the world around them.

02/26/2024

"In a world of noise, they hear the whispers of their children's hearts—highly sensitive parents, tuned into the essence of parenting."